It's Delle!

Someone on the WW boards mentioned they read my blog (news to me, I didn't think anybody stopped by here aside from my best friend!), so I thought I should put a little blurb about me. I made this journal so I can keep track of the things I'm doing and how I'm thinking and feeling as I journey along the road to getting thinner. It's not intended to be written to an audience, it is honestly something I am writing to myself, and I find it so helpful to be able to look back even 4 months ago and see what kinds of things I was many of our experiences in life slip through the cracks, and I want to remember as many of them as I can in relation to my weight loss; the good, the bad, and even the oh so ugly ones!

So many people say they've struggled with their weight for years, but this is not tue for me. I've been overweight from my earliest memories, and morbidly obese all of my adult life, but I was not the type to yo-yo diet, so in that sense I was not struggling. I don't know what my highest weight was because I didn't have a scale to weigh myself when I started getting set to lose weight. In the year before I started WW I started trying to eat less junk food and to get a little activity into my routine. When I started WW I was 288 lbs and wearing a size 22, and I know the year before I was wearing a size 26 (which was tight on me), so I'm guessing I was easily in the low 300 lb-range at my highest weight.

For the first year of my weight loss journey I was incredibly focussed and motivated. I was keeping my weight loss a secret from my family back home in Newfoundland, and my goal was to surprise them on my trip home in July. Needless to say it was quite a shock to a lot of people when I showed up over 100 lbs lighter without any warning!

Right now I am getting back on track after my trip back home. I wasn't following WW for a while due to comp issues, not to mention life issues, and I've gained back some of the weight I had lost. I got away from journalling, but I'm back at it again and am using it to help me get my focus back. I also like using it to keep track of my activity, although I've not had an organised execise regime for a few months now due to an injury. I'm getting back into my activity, however, and I will be updating all my numbers soon.

As I said, I don't write in this blog with an audience in mind, but if anyone had any questions or comments on anything here, please don't hesitate to post!

BTW, the name of my blog came from a comment my supervisor at work made one day when I was in the middle of a full-blown rant about something I had to do that was infuriating me. He interrupted me and said something to the tune of, "Don't worry about it you don't have to do it. And my goodness look at you! Where are you going, everytime I see you, you're smaller! It's crazy, you're the incredible shrinking woman!!" The moment was funny and unexpected and seemed to sum up my life right now, so I came home and re-titled my blog.

Now all I need is a cape...

Sunday, April 6, 2008

Countdown to Nightwish

Seven years ago I heard tell of a Finnish band from some online friends, and I decided to check out their sound. I was instantly and forever hooked, and they have been my fav band ever since. Nightwish instroduced me to the genre of symphonic metal, a sound that is almost uniquely suited to my tastes, and for years now I've enjoyed their music. The band has gone through some changes, not the least being a change in their lead singer, but I've not lost my love of the band.

A dear friend bought me their newest album, which I had not yet heard....and tickets to their concert in London for May 11th of this year. And thus the Countdown to Nightwish begins.

5 weeks from this moment I will be probably be beside myself with emotion as I look at my favorite band performing on a stage in a city some miles north and east of here. As luck will have it my best friend in all the world will be by my side, as she has agreed to accompany me and share the experience. I've been experiencing a measure of sadness of my life the past few months, and it means the world to me that she is going to make the trip here to be with me on that weekend. Despite my continued dedication to my weight loss goals and my activity goals, there has been precious little joy in my life lately, and I want to turn this into something that I can feel excitement and happiness about. Spring is finally here, and I want to have something to look forward to.

When I first got the tickets, one of the thoughts that went through my head was that I could be so close to goal by then. As it turned out my weight loss has slowed down to a degree, so I probably won't be as close I had initially thought I might be, but nonetheless I am still half thinking of this upcoming Nightwish weekend as being my celebration of reaching my goal. My celebration for reaching 50 lbs lost actually occurred before I reached that milestone, so it won't be unprecidented that I have my 'celebration' before the fact.

But then, it just occurred to me that since goal is too far off to consider reaching, I could think of the Nightwish weekend as being my celebration of reaching 100 lbs lost. It also occurs to me that I could think of my pending trip back home as my ultimate celebration of reaching my goal (whatever it ends up being). That seems much more fitting to me, now. I think I shall have to make it official. Okay, officially now, the Nightwish weekend will be my celebration of losing 100 lbs, whether or not I have actually lost 100 at the time. I doubt I will have, but I sure as hell will aim for it. But more than getting caught up in the numbers, what I will do is make a committment here and now that for the next 5 weeks I will do my utmost to be OP every day, and to get some sort of activity in every single day. I can't control how fast the weight comes off, but I can contol the rest of it, and if I try to be OP every day and to exercise every day until then, I will know that I have done everything I can to get as close too the 100 lb milestone as I can. And I know that no matter how much weight I lose between now and then, I will be very proud of myself if I can reach those two goals of being OP and exercise for the next 5 weeks, and I will feel very deserving of a weekend of fun. Let the countdown begin!!!

I worked my tail off today and I'm feeling particularly fine. I did my full round, and then I rigged up and went for a river walk to top it all off. I was thinking of going for a walk right after I woke up, but I decided that it would be nice to use it as a reward for doing my strength training, as walking is very uncomplicated and non-demanding compared to the strength stuff. When I walk I can just go and feel the sun and wind on my face and think about whatever I want without having to keep track of how many reps I've done and what exercise comes next and how many sets and so on. I was wondering if I might change my mind, but when I finished I was feeling strong and eager to get outside and walk. There were a lot of people with the same idea, the weather was gorgeous, sunny and warm compared to the winter we've had. I just wore my fleece, and I felt light and unencumbered when I set out. I wore the outside part of my winter jacket to work yesterday without the fleece inside, and I was suddenly very aware of the fact that my winter jacket has gotten rather big for me. It seems it will be its last winter, I shall have to go coat shopping next winter. Of course that means next summer, because the winter clothes come out in summer. I bet there are a lot of spring/summer clothes in the stores now, I would get excited about doing some shopping and trying some of it on, but I still have a ways to go before I start investing in new clothes, plus I don't have the funds anyway. I'll probably have to make another trip to the thrift store sometime soon, but I'm not in dire straits so I'm not fretting. It would be nice to have another pair of pants at least since I'll be getting back into walking outside regularly again. I would like to have another pair of good pants too, I have my jeans I really love, but they are getting big and they are the only pants I have to wear when going out aside from my work pants. I'm planning to wait until May and get a nice pair of jeans then, so I'm trying to make things last till then. My body really is changing. Really and truly. When I'm nekid and looking in the mirror I feel huge but I can't ignore the fact that my body is getting smaller, however it actually looks when I'm just in my skin (my oh so enormous skin). I have so much sag and hang and droop around my middle that when I'm out of my clothes it is really hard to see that I'm smaller, because I have all this junk around my middle still. I've always carried my weight around my waist, which has always been my thickest part. One of the strange and eternally taxing parts of my body has been that I am very small chested despite being so overweight, and paired with carrying my weight around my middle it has only served to make me seem even more disproportional. I've often wished for a larger bust, but more than that I've just wanted my middle to just be smaller. I've noticed of late that my stomach area is creeping closer to the point of not protruding past my bustline, which is something I have taken much happiness in. I'm monitoring the situation with immense interest, and will be thrilled when I can look at myself nekid and see that my boobs (such as they are...they are shrinking too, the silly things) overshadow my tummy. I was at first startled, then ecstatic, when I was walking today and noticed my reflection in storefronts on my way to the river and saw that when I'm wearing my fleece my tummy is actually not sticking out past my boobs. I tightened the draw strings around the waist of my fleece because it was looking too baggy, so that definitely contributed, but it wasn't holding my stomach in overly much, so I'm extremely pleased knowing I'm almost there. I couldn't believe it when I first noticed my reflection, for a moment I thought "Is that me??", and then I was eagerly waiting for each glimpse of myself I would get in each upcoming window. Most definitely a wonderful change for once.

Oh, the number I was seeing on the scale earlier in the week did indeed stick fast. In fact, I had a rather influential visit to the loo an hour after I recorded this number, so it in fact more than stuck, unofficially. However, since I had also had my usual large breakfast in the interim, I am still going with the offical logged number, since I don't think the difference will affect my DPs. It looks like a huge loss, but it truly isn't, since that 3 lb "gain" last week was not a true gain at all, but since I my recommittment to not getting caught up with trying to manipulate the numbers, I logged that so-called gain and went on with life. I WI Friday morning just before I eat my first meal of the day, regardless of how late my last meal had been the night before, or whether I had been to the loo yet, or whether the scale is being kind. And despite the inconsistency of my WIs now, I am finding this new routine to be much less stressful, and I am so glad I owned up to the silliness and chose to cut it out.

Earned 17 APs today: 30 min walk aerobics, 20 min core, 15 min lower body, 50 min shoulders, 35 min biceps/triceps, 15 min chest, 85 min brisk walking

Weekly summary:
Earned 38 APs
9.3 hours (555 min) total activity
17 miles (27.4 kms) walked
27 FPs remaining
7.2 lbs lost
Current weight: 202

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