It's Delle!

Someone on the WW boards mentioned they read my blog (news to me, I didn't think anybody stopped by here aside from my best friend!), so I thought I should put a little blurb about me. I made this journal so I can keep track of the things I'm doing and how I'm thinking and feeling as I journey along the road to getting thinner. It's not intended to be written to an audience, it is honestly something I am writing to myself, and I find it so helpful to be able to look back even 4 months ago and see what kinds of things I was many of our experiences in life slip through the cracks, and I want to remember as many of them as I can in relation to my weight loss; the good, the bad, and even the oh so ugly ones!

So many people say they've struggled with their weight for years, but this is not tue for me. I've been overweight from my earliest memories, and morbidly obese all of my adult life, but I was not the type to yo-yo diet, so in that sense I was not struggling. I don't know what my highest weight was because I didn't have a scale to weigh myself when I started getting set to lose weight. In the year before I started WW I started trying to eat less junk food and to get a little activity into my routine. When I started WW I was 288 lbs and wearing a size 22, and I know the year before I was wearing a size 26 (which was tight on me), so I'm guessing I was easily in the low 300 lb-range at my highest weight.

For the first year of my weight loss journey I was incredibly focussed and motivated. I was keeping my weight loss a secret from my family back home in Newfoundland, and my goal was to surprise them on my trip home in July. Needless to say it was quite a shock to a lot of people when I showed up over 100 lbs lighter without any warning!

Right now I am getting back on track after my trip back home. I wasn't following WW for a while due to comp issues, not to mention life issues, and I've gained back some of the weight I had lost. I got away from journalling, but I'm back at it again and am using it to help me get my focus back. I also like using it to keep track of my activity, although I've not had an organised execise regime for a few months now due to an injury. I'm getting back into my activity, however, and I will be updating all my numbers soon.

As I said, I don't write in this blog with an audience in mind, but if anyone had any questions or comments on anything here, please don't hesitate to post!

BTW, the name of my blog came from a comment my supervisor at work made one day when I was in the middle of a full-blown rant about something I had to do that was infuriating me. He interrupted me and said something to the tune of, "Don't worry about it you don't have to do it. And my goodness look at you! Where are you going, everytime I see you, you're smaller! It's crazy, you're the incredible shrinking woman!!" The moment was funny and unexpected and seemed to sum up my life right now, so I came home and re-titled my blog.

Now all I need is a cape...

Thursday, January 31, 2008

A break from the cold

The wind died down today and the cold wasn't so cold, so I decided to walk to the good grocery 45 min or so away from here and stock up on veggies and other necessary perishables. It actually worked out really well. This is the first time I've walked there for necessaries, but I have these great bags with cloth handles that they sell at the grocery and I figured I might as well give it a try. Plastic bags are a pain when carrying a lot and/or going any distance. I filled two brimful plus my backpack and got the bus back home. I was even able to transfer onto the second bus that would take me to my block, otherwise I would still have had a 10 min walk. In the beginning I thought maybe I could even have avoided buses altogether, but I'm glad I didn't try to walk home, I realised it would have been too hard when I came back from the busstop, I was happy to put the bags down and rest my hands as it was. I love the feeling of being stocked with food and having the things I love to eat available in my kitchen!!!

I tried my new yoga DVD today for the first time. I had guessed it would be hard and I wasn't wrong, but I still did better than I had expected I would. I got through about 30 min and had to give up, not able to figure out what I was supposed to be doing and feeling the strain. I need a proper mat, my feet were slipping and I was very distracted by having to keep shifting so I wouldn't lose them out from under me. When I get a mat I'm going to try doing the DVD once a week to start off with, and to see how that goes for me. If I don't get crippled up too bad, I'll step it up to twice a week, probably Monday (or Tuesdays) and Thursdays.

The scale is still up, but I've not given up hope that I might show a loss this week. I'll be interested to see where it's showing tomorrow.

Earned 14 APs today: 50 min brisk walking, 30 min yoga, 50 min elliptical

Wednesday, January 30, 2008

A Harry Potter day

I didn't go out for needed veggies today, it was too cold and windy to be walking from the grocery with bags. I made do with what I have, but I will have to go out tomorrow to get a couple of things. I'm out of milk after tonight, and I'm unhappy knowing I'll either have to go out before breakfast, or make do without my beloved branflakes. This is a good time to try the wonderful oatmeal M brought for me, I guess I've gotten a little obsessed with my branflakes, almost to the point of superstition if I don't have them. I might have to get some counselling for this unhealthy attachment I seem to be forming. Not that strange considering I've never had what I would qualify as a normal relationship in all my life. Perhaps the therapist would tell me the branflakes are being smothered and that I need to give them some distance. Perhaps the therapist would tell me I'm in a strange mood tonight.

Earned 14 APs today: 30 min walk aerobics (2-mile), 60 min free weights, 50 min elliptical

Tuesday, January 29, 2008

A naughty nice girl

How I wish I could go to sleep right now, but I've just had supper about 20 min ago and I have to try and digest it some before I go to bed. I hate having to eat so late! I didn't even exercise tonight because by the time I got home from work (I got called in) I was starving and it was 10:30 and I didn't want to make it have to wait an additional hour. I can't help but wonder tho whether being awake for an hour or two will actually help digestion if all you're doing is sitting there...I mean, how is just sitting typing on the comp any different than laying and sleeping. Does it really make a difference? I only know that the scale is showing me up up up, and I'm wondering if I've finally found my way onto a plateau. But I have thought that twice before that I recall, and I was wrong both times, so maybe this is another false alarm. No matter, as with the other times I will wait and see before I start fiddling with things. Things have been off for me lately, and could very likely be affecting the scale.

Monday, January 28, 2008

Not cold for once

I wish I had been done supper and this tired at 8:20 LAST night! Oh well, at least I don't have anything important to do. I was going to write an email (still so woefully behind!) but I'm rather brain dead at the moment. Full of yummy supper and all fuzzy-headed. It just occurs to me that this is probably because it is warm in my flat; the temp has gone mild and it is hot here with the heat on. I think I shall turn it off and get out my knitting. I haven't touched it in months and I want to finish it ASAP for E who is going on maternity in a couple of weeks. Perfect night for it, as I'm not going to be exercising tonight. My neck and shoulders are very stiff and sore today, ouchie!

Sunday, January 27, 2008


I am proud to say that I will be getting to bed by 10pm tonight. That is still too late for a Sunday, but it is ever so much better than I have been doing. It was so strange not having football today to dictate my schedule. I've finished the week with a record high amount of FPs. I got a goodly amount of activity in, but most importantly, I did 40 min of high intensity on the elliptical. 40 MINUTES HIGH INTENSITY!!!! I keep having these moments of doubt where I think I must not be actually doing high intensity, because surely I couldn't maintain it for 40 minutes without dying, but I am actually doing it! Afterward my legs felt rather jelly-like for a little while, and when I took off my socks they felt so heavy that it ocurred to me that I might actually be able to wring them out and I actually was able to! I laughed and celebrated, I see that as a huge NSV! I can exercise to such a degree that I can wring out my damn socks! I can do 40 min high intensity exercise! I can do 40 min of high intensity exercise AFTER doing 30 min aerobics and then 60 min strength training! Dammit, I feel incredible!!!

Earned 14 APs today: 30 min walk aerobics (2-mile), 60 min free weights, 50 min elliptical

Weekly summary:
Earned 56 APs
8.3 hours (495 min) total activity
6 miles (9.7 kms) walked
32.5 FPs remaining
0.6 lb gain
Current weight: 221.4

Saturday, January 26, 2008


Oh, Genesis..I do love that song.

Today was basically a write-off. I was not OP because I did not eat enough food. I didn't exercise either. I was up super late last night and needed a nap this afternoon. I didn't get anything 'accomplished' and I really could care less. I had a couple of friends over tonight and it was JUST what I needed to get my mind off things. I've been so distracted this week, a dear friend is going through some troubles and I've had a lot on my mind. Tonight was a wonderful distraction, and I'm not bothered by not following any kind of routine today. I showed my first real gain at WI this week, probably owing to having supper so late last night, and to introducing a new kind of exercise this week. Also maybe have something to do with no exercise last week and all the excesses last weekend, although I will note that I didn't go over my points. I'm disappointed but not upset, I will get there sooner or later, this is not an indication of anything important, I will just keep on keeping on.

Friday, January 25, 2008

Silence defeats me

I'm sitting here listening to the clocks tick. I feel a lot like this silent room tonight. I feel like an empty space waiting to be filled with sounds. I've been within myself to varying degrees since last weekend, and it is bad again tonight. When I am moody I fell compelled to either binge on comfort foods, drink my arse off, or not eat at all. I've felt compelled to do all three at some point today. Since starting WW I've followed the plan every single day, and I have not binged. I've drank some, but not much in the grand scheme of things. For me the biggest deamon to overcome is the one that makes me fast when I am emotional and/or have things on my mind. I never truly realised how hard it could be to make myself eat, we think so much about the making ourselves NOT eat part. I don't know why I have this reaction, it's not driven by any conscious thought that I can recognise, my appetite just flees this plane of existence when I get moody, and I could care less whether I ever take another bite. And it's not just lack of interest in eating, it is an actual DISinterest in eating; the thought of it is unpleasant, it's as if there's something blocking me from doing it. I struggled with it in the fall at times, but in the past few months I've done well with it, probably just because things have been going well for me. I didn't want to eat tonight, and I kept putting it off, but finally I made supper and ate a proper meal. It tasted wonderful and I enjoyed eating it when it was done, but if I hadn't forced myself to make it, I would have been happy to have nothing. Maybe this is like the breakfast thing, and it will actually get easier the more I do it.

Earned 14 APs today: 30 min walk aerobics (2-mile), 60 min free weights, 50 min elliptical

Thursday, January 24, 2008

Did I mention...

...that I'm tired? Another short post just to say I did. I closed tonight so I didn't get home till after 10:00, and I still needed to eat. This 12:30pm-9:00 shift is the worst I've worked I think, because I have to leave at 11:30am which is too early to have had dinner, so by the time I get home after 10:00 I've only had 2 meals. Strange how this kind of thing honestly bothers me now, when before it never would have. I'm also really bothered by how it makes exercising really hard to fit in. I'm glad this is not a regular shift for me. I'll have to see about exercising tomorrow before work. It was another good day tho, I enjoyed it for what it was. Had some really nice time with D before his shift was over, it was very quiet and very pleasant. I'm tired but content, all things considered.

Wednesday, January 23, 2008

How long gone are you gonna be

My bad.

Things have been busy since last week, and with the cold, working extra shifts, and M visiting unexpectedly on the weekend, I had little spare time for posting. I'm not happy, regardless; journalling has been something I've tried to make a point of doing every day, the same as anything else. It is a priority, but there have been other things that I have made bigger priorities of late. I intended to journal last night, and the night before, but the time got away from me and the next thing I knew I was in bed without having done it. Right now I should be in bed and I will be shortly, I just wanted to make a post, no matter how brief, so I can get myself back into the habit. Today was a great day, I made a big effort to get back on track after all the distraction, and despite sleeping very late and being lazy for much later, I still made a detailed plan for the day and have crossed everything off the list. Even if it has taken till the wee hours to do so. I got lots of activity in and I'm feeling extremely content. Looking forward to bed.

Earned 7 APs Monday: 40 min elliptical

Earned 7 APs Tuesday: 40 min elliptical

Earned 14 APs today: 30 min walk aerobics (2-mile), 60 min free weights, 45 min elliptical

Thursday, January 17, 2008

Too warm

Today was quiet and uneventful. Last night was as miserable as I'd forseen for the most part. After posting I just lay in bed and listened to Harry Potter. Just the little bit of light from the comp screen seemed like enough to hurt my eyes. I had the heat on and the flat was warm, but I was still under all my blankets and cold. When I would get up to the toilet I would be covered in goosebumps....the ouchie kind you get when you're sick. I wouldn't quite call it the crawly-skin, but it wasn't far off. Thankfully it isn't the flu I have; you only get full out crawly-skin with the flu. Either way I was in a stupor for an hour at least, don't know how long, I just know that I listened to a lot of Harry Potter without really hearing a lot of it, only his voice, and it helped soothe me. Eventually I kind of slept, that sick-sleep, and it was as not fun as I had anticipated. The good thing is that about 4:00am or so I suddenly realised it was actually really warm and turned on the fan. I was also able to breathe, which WAS fun. Today I took it easy, read mostly, listened to HP. I wanted soup for dinner but my can-opener was broken so I had to venture out to get a new one from the dollar store. Just as well, since I had to get bus tickets anyway. I'd been wondering if I should attempt some exercise, since I have basically none for the week, but the walking was almost enough to convince me otherwise. Sometimes I felt fine, and others I felt shakey. Bending over for a moment makes everything go gray, so I figured rest is better. I've not had much of an appetite, I've not had supper yet and it is getting really late, so I should go eat something. All I want is ice cream tho *craves*

Earned 3 APs today: 35 min brisk walking

Wednesday, January 16, 2008

Shoot me now

Oh man do I ever feel wretched at the moment. I absolutely cannot breathe through my nose at all. My sinuses are messed up and I just ache from the shoulders up. No exercise for me today and I'm finishing with 4.5 points left on the board. I think I'm in for a miserable night. Damn it all to hell anyway.

Tuesday, January 15, 2008

Really I do

I might be having company this weekend, so you know what that means! Time for me to get sick! All I need now is TOM to show up.

I feel like crap and since every hour that passes I feel worse than the one before, I'm expecting that I'm only going to feel crappier before I feel better. I was sneezing a lot earlier today, but I felt fine, but then I started feeling bad late afternoon and it's only gotten worse. My head aches and my throat is sore and the light is making my eyes hurt and I'm getting congested. I'm not impressed at all, I'd really gotten it into my head that with my new lifestyle I don't get sick as often, but I was sick a month ago! NOT IMPRESSED!!!

I was in bed this morning and still not decided whether I was going to sleep some more or wake up, when F called and asked me to cover her shift today before she's not feeling well. I immediately had to change my plans for the day, I'd planned to catch up on email, try to find veggies worth eating, and get lots and lots of exercise in. I decided I had time to get in 2 hours of DDR before work, then I could do stairs when I got home and maybe WATP, but 15 min into DDR R called and we had some things to discuss and don't often get to talk so I picked up. Then F called and asked if I wanted to go shopping since she had to come to the U to drop forms off that were due today. I needed peppers badly, and some other things that can't wait till the weekend, so I scrapped DDR and went. I got lovely nice peppers and was pleased till I saw the bill..I only got half a bag but the red peppers cost me over 10 dollars!!!! There's no way I can afford to spend that!! Looks like I'll be giving them up. BEING POOR SUCKS BIG HAIRY MONKEY ASS!!!!!

I got back from shopping and it was way later than I'd planned on and I had to rush like crazy to make dinner and eat it and then try to make my supper to bring with me to work. I'd planned on tuna pitas, but my can-opener broke and wouldn't open the tuna, so another plan went awry as I had zero time to make anything else at this point. I got my bus okay, I just had to finish my dinner on the bus so I wouldn't be late, but that was all right. I was more concerned about not being hungry on my shift than having people see me eat in public. Normally I avoid that like the plague but I managed it with little anxiety, which I think is a sign of improvement. Work was good, but it got a little difficult when I started getting sick. I had so much fun chatting with N when I was working in the warehouse, and laughed myself silly at his theory of getting high priced hookers to clean his house for him. I had to go to McDonalds for supper, and since I had a fair amount of points left I decided I could have the fries with my deli, and I marvelled at how fries and mayo on a sandwich can taste sooo sinful now, it really doesn't take much now to make a meal taste rich, which is nice. I also marvelled that I was full after I ate it, I really, really hope my stomach is shrinking!!!! The thing is tho that I'm feeling kind of hungry right now, which I think is odd since it was only 4 hours ago I had supper. Maybe it is because the meal was less healthy than the food I normally eat, so it wasn't enough to satisfy my hunger for long. I could get some carrots, but honestly I'd rather be hungry than eat right now. I really do feel crappy.

On that note I think I'll leave it there and watch the new yoga DVD I bought today so I can see what the heck it's all about before I attempt doing it. I also watched my WATP DVD before I actually did it, so I'd know what would be expected of me. I'm a dorkus like that. *squee*

Earned 1 AP today: 15 min low-intensity DDR

Monday, January 14, 2008

I know how to do this

Hmm. Not sure if I'm going to be able to post properly after all. My brain seems to be doing its own thing at the moment. I got way too little sleep last night, worked a long day, and have been fed and watered...I'm actually surprised I'm still conscious.

It was an eventful week last week, some good, some bad. My father was ill and that distracted me, but mum called tonight to let me know he's doing much better, so that's a huge weight off my shoulders. I was scared every time the phone rang. F called me at work today, and when J told me there was a call for me I thought my heart was going to fall out and land on the floor. When I heard it was F I was worried mum had called her trying to get ahold of me, and when I got the phone I immediately started asking "What is it?? What's wrong?? Is something wrong??" Poor thing. I'll have to invite her over for supper again and make up for it. I had her over last Tuesday (the reason for no post that night) and I made a nice healthy supper and it was yummy. It was the first time I'd had ground beef since before WW, and it was so good. I was surprised at how points-friendy the meal was, I'm definitely going to get ground beef again sometime, it was very reasonable. Not to mention tastey!

We had a really great visit, been too long since we've just hung out. I tried on some of my "new" clothes for her and got advice about when/where/how to wear it. She loves talking about my new lifestyle, and it is so great to have such a supportive friend being honestly interested. M is the same way, only since she doesn't live here we don't get to just sit and talk about it in the same way, it's all online, and we're usually pressed for time.

Speaking of the deviless (yes that's a word, I just invented it), we're chatting now and it seems like she might be visiting this weekend. Definitely something to look forward to and get excited about. The last time we saw each other was 4 1/2 months and oh, about 42 lbs ago. She's excited to see me and I'm interested to see whether she honestly thinks I look all that different, because I really think there's not been a drastic change yet. Looks like I'll be having to get a lot of activity in before the weekend, but then, I'll need those APs on Saturday, maybe the weather will cooperate for a walk.

Okay I'm too pleasantly distracted now to say anymore. I'm just happy I made a proper post, I pledge to make another tomorrow!!

Sunday, January 13, 2008

Football Sunday

I really must manage my time better on Sundays, having to work these early morning Monday shifts. Got activity in, watched games, cheered to see Indy go down. Tho I suppose once football season is over it will be a lot easier to get things done on the weekend. My flat is still tidy and clean, but I'm regretably behind on posting and woefully behind on email. I guess Tuesday will be my day to catch up things, I'm going to be toast tomorrow night after work, but maybe I'll be able to make a proper post tomorrow.

Earned 12 APs today: 10 min low-intensity DDR, 75 min mod-indensity DDR, 30 min walk aerobics (2-mile), 60 min free weights

Weekly summary:
Earned 55 APs
10.7 hours (640 min) total activity
20 miles (32.2 kms) walked
17 FPs remaining
2.0 lbs lost
Current weight: 223.4

Thursday, January 10, 2008

"...seems like a dream to me now"

More plans gone awry. I'd planned to journal and write a few emails tonight, but all that went out the window...then got blown about and rained on, same as me when I walked to campus. F was there doing work and I made some supper and brought it to her. The day was off kilter for me overall, spent it in a spacey distracted way, tho I did get activity in. Looks like journalling and emails will have to wait, tis bed for me, I have to work tomorrow.

Earned 11 APs today: 100 min brisk walking, 20 min stairs (8x)

Wednesday, January 9, 2008

What's my name again?

I had company last night and it ended up being too late to post. Tonight isn't a whole lot better, I'm floaty and tired and ready for bed, not near enough sleep last night to do me and it was a long (but great!) day. More tomorrow.

Earned 3 APs yesterday: 20 min brisk walking, 30 min walk aerobics (2-mile)

Earned 13 APs today: 10 min low-intensity DDR, 65 min mod-intensity DDR, 90 min brisk walking

Monday, January 7, 2008


Well, that SUCKED!

I'm going to bed.

Sunday, January 6, 2008


I'm distracted at the moment. I was in a good mood, but I'm chatting with a friend and he said something that annoyed me and now I feel like I'm all thrown off my stride. I can't remember any of the things I was planning to say here. I feel all disjointed...annoying!

I got a good amount of activity in today, but I noticed I was fatigued again and awful sweaty. I don't know if the weather outside is perhaps mild and thus the flat is warmer, or what might be going on. It just seems strange because it is out of the ordinary. Maybe it is just because I got a lot of activity in this week compared to last month and I'm just feeling it. I'll be taking it easy tomorrow on account of working an extra long shift then coming home to watch the big game (GO BUCKS!!!) so maybe that will sort things out.

I had an absolutely awsome loss this week...3.8 lbs!!! I will say I met my that goal I set a couple weeks ago to lose 60 lbs by my 6 month mark; last week's WI was lower than it should have been because of digestive issues, which is something I wondered about at the time, because I did feel bloated and didn't have a BM before my WI, or all day for that matter. Funny how quick I was to blame the exercise, I guess I owe it an apology. I'm sorry exercise, you're great and I love you! Lets never fight again!

I got a huge surprise yesterday when I did the math and realised that I'm now 47.4 lbs to goal. 47.4 lbs!!!!! That is completely crazy! And wonderful! It suddenly seems so much closer than it ever did! I've just been walking around since yesteday filled with squee and glee. From here on out things are only going to get better! I'm getting to the point where every loss is going to be more noticable, and I'm excited for that. I'll be taking pics again this week, which is always fun. PLUS, I measured this morning and I have 9 inches gone off my waist! UNBELIEVABLE!!!

Earned 12 APs today: 10 min low-intensity DDR, 75 min mod-indensity DDR, 30 min walk aerobics (2-mile), 60 min free weights

Weekly summary:
Earned 55 APs
11.3 hours (680 min) total activity
10.5 miles (16.9 kms) walked
12.5 FPs remaining
3.8 lbs lost
Current weight: 225.4

Saturday, January 5, 2008

So THAT'S what eyebrows are for!

This will be brief, as I am utterly weary of a sudden. I had a good day, but I found myself physically fatigued much more than usual when exercising. I had to cut my DDR short this morning after pushing for the last 10 min, then finally paying heed to what my body was telling me (namely, "no more! rest now!!"). When I was doing stairs tonight I had to push to finish and I was sweating like...well, a person who is sweating a lot. I don't know, it just struck me that I've never seen a sweaty pig...where did that analogy come from?? Anyhoo, I got housework done, just not all of it. I lost the morning catching up with SBG. I'm planning to do more tomorrow during the early game. Oh, I have to sleep now.

Earned 13 APs today: 15 min low-intensity DDR, 60 min mod-intensity DDR, 20 min brisk walking, 30 min walk aerobics (2-mile), 20 min stairs (8x)

Friday, January 4, 2008


I worked. I exercise. I ate.

Feeling utterly content in this moment, looking forward to bed and loving the fact that I have two days off and the ability to stay up and to sleep in if I do so choose. A woman said something to me when I was in highschool that I never forgot, and have only later in life come to appreciate on a deeply personal level: "Often the most excitement I want on a Friday night is not having to turn my alarm clock on".

Oh yeah. I can dig it.

Earned 6 APs today: 30 min walk aerobics (2-mile), 60 min free weights

Thursday, January 3, 2008

Adventures with cheese

I had a good day. I'm enjoying this whole thing of getting stuff sorted out at night and having more time in the morning for a relaxed breakfast. I think I shall have to keep it up. Work was non-stressful (my favorite kind) and afterward I ran some errends with F at the mall. She offered me a ride home, but had to do a few returns first so I accompanied her. I picked up shampoo and conditioner, and bus tickets, so it was worthwhile for me. I also spent time at the makeup counter as she was returning something there, and the salesperson helped me pick out a lipstick that would be great for everyday use. I've been wanting to get some, but don't have the first clue about makeup, on account of I care nothing about the stuff and never have. Nonetheless, I think I would like to have colour in my lips, as I don't think I really have any. I was all excited until she told me it cost $16, then I had to tell her no thankyou I just can't afford that right now. I was let down, but I can't in any way justify the cost. When I get a full time job I'll celebrate by going back and buying it. I was hungry when I got home but didn't supper yet because I wanted to exercise, so I tried a cup of cottage cheese. It definitely tasted nothing like I had expected it to, and it was a little hard to eat the whole cup, but it wasn't horrible, just...strange. And it did take care of the hunger. I guess it's all the protein! I guess cottage cheese is usually used as an ingredient instead of all on its own, but I have no idea what I could do with it, maybe eat it with an apple? Too bad I don't have some sort of kitchen gadget to make it all whipped, I could dip things in it easily. Maybe inspiration will hit me.

Earned 6 APs today: 30 min walk aerobics (2-mile), 20 min stairs (8x)

Wednesday, January 2, 2008

"You never know your strength until you're tested"

I was watching Angel while doing free weights just now, and that line leapt out at me. It is so very true. For most of my life I never thought it was within my ability to lose weight, then for a time I was afraid I wasn't strong enough. It wasn't until the past couple years that I started to believe this was something I could do, and in many ways I just waited until the time was right, until I felt strong enough.

Or perhaps I just had to wait until I simply trusted the strength I had.

New Years was no different than Christmas for me really, it was just another night. I had to work that day, and I was tired and hungry and cold when I finally got home. I could have gone to F's house but I didn't bother to go out. I wrote an email, had supper, watched some Angel, then went to bed without even waiting up to watch the rest of the episode, let alone till midnight. I was much more interested in sleep than I was in knowing a calender year just changed over.

Yesterday was also a quiet day for me, but was noteworthy for the reason that I actually made a few resolutions this year. I don't believe I have ever done that even once before now. I don't even know if they are resolutions per se, I'm just thinking of them as goals that were convenient to start at the begining of the month. Like when I started WW, I planned to start on the first Monday of the month. I'm just methodical like that (which by the way is why I think WW suits me so well, what with the counting points and planning meals and entering food and activity into the tracker and whatnot).

The wonderful thing is that unlike many of the people making resolutions right now, I am not planning to change my lifestyle in a drastic way. I think it is finally starting to sink in for me the last few days that my lifestyle has actually changed. It has been 6 months. 6 months! Seriously, how long do you have to be maintaining a set of behaviours before it officially constitutes a lifestyle change? I know there are popular beliefs that it takes 21 days to make a behaviour a habit. Is it possible to live a certain way for half a year and still not have changed your lifestyle? Is it perhaps all tied up in one's attitude toward the behaviours? A true desire to change and not to change back? A feeling of permanence? I don't have the answer, I just know that I am starting to get the sense that this new lifestyle is getting more comfortable. It was never painful, to be sure, but my new lifestyle was constantly like a new pair of shoes. I was always aware that I was "wearing it". I think I'm finally getting it broken in, familiar and comfortable. I guess with each month that goes by, it just seems less foreign and strange. How odd and exhilerating to think that in time it will be my old lifestyle that will seem foreign. I guess that will be the real sign that my lifestyle has officially changed. I still think about it a lot though, and I am still constantly aware of it, so I guess I still have a ways to go before it is all commonplace and second nature; only makes sense, really...6 months is not a long time when compared to 28 and a half years.

One of my resolutions/goals is to isolate myself less. I find I've been having a lot less contact with people since I started WW, and I would like to connect with people more than I have been. I've decided to get more involved on the WW boards, and hopefully that will help get things going for me. It is so easy for me to get in the habit of silently watching people interact around me and to keep myself seperate.

Another one of my goals is to commit to at least 7 hours of exercise a week, averaging out to an hour a day. Exercise has not been a problem for me overall, but after those couple weeks in December where I wasn't able to get much or any in, I just want to make a solid committment to activity.

My other goal is to be more strict about following the 8 Guidelines. The past month or so I've gotten a little lax about it, as my points have kept dropping, and I'm begrudged spending DPs on things like oils and dairy when I'd rather be eating different things. It's only going to get harder from here on out to get the Guidelines in as I have less and less points, but this is where my committment to being healthy is important. It is easy to eat within your points when you get a million of them a day, but the trick to living healthy is when you have less points or calories to play with. This is where it is very important that I learn how to eat healthy. If I keep trying to eat more fattening foods, I won't be able to eat as healthily as is necessary to maintain the kind of lifestyle I want. I spent a couple of hours yesterday afternoon on the site for the Canada Food Guide, and I felt really focussed afterward. WW says I should be getting 5 fruits/veggies, 2 dairy, 2 oils, and a MV a day. According to the CFG, I should be eating 8 fruits/veggies, 7 grains, 2 dairy, 2 oils and 2 meat. I have made a committment to incorporate these two sets of Guidelines into my lifestyle. I believe that getting all the veggies, and having the meat requirements will help me get by with less points from getting the things like the oils and dairy every day. It is so important to me to live healthy, and I am making these goals because I know if I achieve them, I truly will be living the kind of lifestyle I always idealised in my head, but never thought I could ever have. I want to be my ideal. The totally frigging awesome thing is how little I have to tweak to actually get there; truly I am just tightening up my diet, etc a bit. This is not going to be a drastic change...all because I have made so many strides and have been so dedicated and committed all these months. It's an incredible feeling, knowing that.

Earned 4 APs today: 60 min free weights

Tuesday, January 1, 2008


Gosh, it feels like it should be Sunday! I'm rather disoriented, I keep thinking I should be adding up my numbers for the week. There was a lot I'd intended to say tonight, but I had less time than I'd anticipated this evening. I got to chat with M and catch up a bit, and that was time well spent, and I got some activity in, and then I cleaned the kitchen and got things in readiness for the morning, so here it is bedtime and I don't want to stay up any later as I have to work in the morning. Will have to play catch-up tomorrow.

Earned 14 APs today: 30 min low-intensity DDR, 75 min mod-intensity DDR, 30 min walk aerobics (2-mile), 20 min stairs (8x)