Silence defeats me

I'm sitting here listening to the clocks tick. I feel a lot like this silent room tonight. I feel like an empty space waiting to be filled with sounds. I've been within myself to varying degrees since last weekend, and it is bad again tonight. When I am moody I fell compelled to either binge on comfort foods, drink my arse off, or not eat at all. I've felt compelled to do all three at some point today. Since starting WW I've followed the plan every single day, and I have not binged. I've drank some, but not much in the grand scheme of things. For me the biggest deamon to overcome is the one that makes me fast when I am emotional and/or have things on my mind. I never truly realised how hard it could be to make myself eat, we think so much about the making ourselves NOT eat part. I don't know why I have this reaction, it's not driven by any conscious thought that I can recognise, my appetite just flees this plane of existence when I get moody, and I could care less whether I ever take another bite. And it's not just lack of interest in eating, it is an actual DISinterest in eating; the thought of it is unpleasant, it's as if there's something blocking me from doing it. I struggled with it in the fall at times, but in the past few months I've done well with it, probably just because things have been going well for me. I didn't want to eat tonight, and I kept putting it off, but finally I made supper and ate a proper meal. It tasted wonderful and I enjoyed eating it when it was done, but if I hadn't forced myself to make it, I would have been happy to have nothing. Maybe this is like the breakfast thing, and it will actually get easier the more I do it.

Earned 14 APs today: 30 min walk aerobics (2-mile), 60 min free weights, 50 min elliptical