It's Delle!

Someone on the WW boards mentioned they read my blog (news to me, I didn't think anybody stopped by here aside from my best friend!), so I thought I should put a little blurb about me. I made this journal so I can keep track of the things I'm doing and how I'm thinking and feeling as I journey along the road to getting thinner. It's not intended to be written to an audience, it is honestly something I am writing to myself, and I find it so helpful to be able to look back even 4 months ago and see what kinds of things I was many of our experiences in life slip through the cracks, and I want to remember as many of them as I can in relation to my weight loss; the good, the bad, and even the oh so ugly ones!

So many people say they've struggled with their weight for years, but this is not tue for me. I've been overweight from my earliest memories, and morbidly obese all of my adult life, but I was not the type to yo-yo diet, so in that sense I was not struggling. I don't know what my highest weight was because I didn't have a scale to weigh myself when I started getting set to lose weight. In the year before I started WW I started trying to eat less junk food and to get a little activity into my routine. When I started WW I was 288 lbs and wearing a size 22, and I know the year before I was wearing a size 26 (which was tight on me), so I'm guessing I was easily in the low 300 lb-range at my highest weight.

For the first year of my weight loss journey I was incredibly focussed and motivated. I was keeping my weight loss a secret from my family back home in Newfoundland, and my goal was to surprise them on my trip home in July. Needless to say it was quite a shock to a lot of people when I showed up over 100 lbs lighter without any warning!

Right now I am getting back on track after my trip back home. I wasn't following WW for a while due to comp issues, not to mention life issues, and I've gained back some of the weight I had lost. I got away from journalling, but I'm back at it again and am using it to help me get my focus back. I also like using it to keep track of my activity, although I've not had an organised execise regime for a few months now due to an injury. I'm getting back into my activity, however, and I will be updating all my numbers soon.

As I said, I don't write in this blog with an audience in mind, but if anyone had any questions or comments on anything here, please don't hesitate to post!

BTW, the name of my blog came from a comment my supervisor at work made one day when I was in the middle of a full-blown rant about something I had to do that was infuriating me. He interrupted me and said something to the tune of, "Don't worry about it you don't have to do it. And my goodness look at you! Where are you going, everytime I see you, you're smaller! It's crazy, you're the incredible shrinking woman!!" The moment was funny and unexpected and seemed to sum up my life right now, so I came home and re-titled my blog.

Now all I need is a cape...

Friday, January 25, 2008

Silence defeats me

I'm sitting here listening to the clocks tick. I feel a lot like this silent room tonight. I feel like an empty space waiting to be filled with sounds. I've been within myself to varying degrees since last weekend, and it is bad again tonight. When I am moody I fell compelled to either binge on comfort foods, drink my arse off, or not eat at all. I've felt compelled to do all three at some point today. Since starting WW I've followed the plan every single day, and I have not binged. I've drank some, but not much in the grand scheme of things. For me the biggest deamon to overcome is the one that makes me fast when I am emotional and/or have things on my mind. I never truly realised how hard it could be to make myself eat, we think so much about the making ourselves NOT eat part. I don't know why I have this reaction, it's not driven by any conscious thought that I can recognise, my appetite just flees this plane of existence when I get moody, and I could care less whether I ever take another bite. And it's not just lack of interest in eating, it is an actual DISinterest in eating; the thought of it is unpleasant, it's as if there's something blocking me from doing it. I struggled with it in the fall at times, but in the past few months I've done well with it, probably just because things have been going well for me. I didn't want to eat tonight, and I kept putting it off, but finally I made supper and ate a proper meal. It tasted wonderful and I enjoyed eating it when it was done, but if I hadn't forced myself to make it, I would have been happy to have nothing. Maybe this is like the breakfast thing, and it will actually get easier the more I do it.

Earned 14 APs today: 30 min walk aerobics (2-mile), 60 min free weights, 50 min elliptical

No comments: