"You never know your strength until you're tested"

I was watching Angel while doing free weights just now, and that line leapt out at me. It is so very true. For most of my life I never thought it was within my ability to lose weight, then for a time I was afraid I wasn't strong enough. It wasn't until the past couple years that I started to believe this was something I could do, and in many ways I just waited until the time was right, until I felt strong enough.

Or perhaps I just had to wait until I simply trusted the strength I had.

New Years was no different than Christmas for me really, it was just another night. I had to work that day, and I was tired and hungry and cold when I finally got home. I could have gone to F's house but I didn't bother to go out. I wrote an email, had supper, watched some Angel, then went to bed without even waiting up to watch the rest of the episode, let alone till midnight. I was much more interested in sleep than I was in knowing a calender year just changed over.

Yesterday was also a quiet day for me, but was noteworthy for the reason that I actually made a few resolutions this year. I don't believe I have ever done that even once before now. I don't even know if they are resolutions per se, I'm just thinking of them as goals that were convenient to start at the begining of the month. Like when I started WW, I planned to start on the first Monday of the month. I'm just methodical like that (which by the way is why I think WW suits me so well, what with the counting points and planning meals and entering food and activity into the tracker and whatnot).

The wonderful thing is that unlike many of the people making resolutions right now, I am not planning to change my lifestyle in a drastic way. I think it is finally starting to sink in for me the last few days that my lifestyle has actually changed. It has been 6 months. 6 months! Seriously, how long do you have to be maintaining a set of behaviours before it officially constitutes a lifestyle change? I know there are popular beliefs that it takes 21 days to make a behaviour a habit. Is it possible to live a certain way for half a year and still not have changed your lifestyle? Is it perhaps all tied up in one's attitude toward the behaviours? A true desire to change and not to change back? A feeling of permanence? I don't have the answer, I just know that I am starting to get the sense that this new lifestyle is getting more comfortable. It was never painful, to be sure, but my new lifestyle was constantly like a new pair of shoes. I was always aware that I was "wearing it". I think I'm finally getting it broken in, familiar and comfortable. I guess with each month that goes by, it just seems less foreign and strange. How odd and exhilerating to think that in time it will be my old lifestyle that will seem foreign. I guess that will be the real sign that my lifestyle has officially changed. I still think about it a lot though, and I am still constantly aware of it, so I guess I still have a ways to go before it is all commonplace and second nature; only makes sense, really...6 months is not a long time when compared to 28 and a half years.

One of my resolutions/goals is to isolate myself less. I find I've been having a lot less contact with people since I started WW, and I would like to connect with people more than I have been. I've decided to get more involved on the WW boards, and hopefully that will help get things going for me. It is so easy for me to get in the habit of silently watching people interact around me and to keep myself seperate.

Another one of my goals is to commit to at least 7 hours of exercise a week, averaging out to an hour a day. Exercise has not been a problem for me overall, but after those couple weeks in December where I wasn't able to get much or any in, I just want to make a solid committment to activity.

My other goal is to be more strict about following the 8 Guidelines. The past month or so I've gotten a little lax about it, as my points have kept dropping, and I'm begrudged spending DPs on things like oils and dairy when I'd rather be eating different things. It's only going to get harder from here on out to get the Guidelines in as I have less and less points, but this is where my committment to being healthy is important. It is easy to eat within your points when you get a million of them a day, but the trick to living healthy is when you have less points or calories to play with. This is where it is very important that I learn how to eat healthy. If I keep trying to eat more fattening foods, I won't be able to eat as healthily as is necessary to maintain the kind of lifestyle I want. I spent a couple of hours yesterday afternoon on the site for the Canada Food Guide, and I felt really focussed afterward. WW says I should be getting 5 fruits/veggies, 2 dairy, 2 oils, and a MV a day. According to the CFG, I should be eating 8 fruits/veggies, 7 grains, 2 dairy, 2 oils and 2 meat. I have made a committment to incorporate these two sets of Guidelines into my lifestyle. I believe that getting all the veggies, and having the meat requirements will help me get by with less points from getting the things like the oils and dairy every day. It is so important to me to live healthy, and I am making these goals because I know if I achieve them, I truly will be living the kind of lifestyle I always idealised in my head, but never thought I could ever have. I want to be my ideal. The totally frigging awesome thing is how little I have to tweak to actually get there; truly I am just tightening up my diet, etc a bit. This is not going to be a drastic change...all because I have made so many strides and have been so dedicated and committed all these months. It's an incredible feeling, knowing that.

Earned 4 APs today: 60 min free weights