It's Delle!

Someone on the WW boards mentioned they read my blog (news to me, I didn't think anybody stopped by here aside from my best friend!), so I thought I should put a little blurb about me. I made this journal so I can keep track of the things I'm doing and how I'm thinking and feeling as I journey along the road to getting thinner. It's not intended to be written to an audience, it is honestly something I am writing to myself, and I find it so helpful to be able to look back even 4 months ago and see what kinds of things I was many of our experiences in life slip through the cracks, and I want to remember as many of them as I can in relation to my weight loss; the good, the bad, and even the oh so ugly ones!

So many people say they've struggled with their weight for years, but this is not tue for me. I've been overweight from my earliest memories, and morbidly obese all of my adult life, but I was not the type to yo-yo diet, so in that sense I was not struggling. I don't know what my highest weight was because I didn't have a scale to weigh myself when I started getting set to lose weight. In the year before I started WW I started trying to eat less junk food and to get a little activity into my routine. When I started WW I was 288 lbs and wearing a size 22, and I know the year before I was wearing a size 26 (which was tight on me), so I'm guessing I was easily in the low 300 lb-range at my highest weight.

For the first year of my weight loss journey I was incredibly focussed and motivated. I was keeping my weight loss a secret from my family back home in Newfoundland, and my goal was to surprise them on my trip home in July. Needless to say it was quite a shock to a lot of people when I showed up over 100 lbs lighter without any warning!

Right now I am getting back on track after my trip back home. I wasn't following WW for a while due to comp issues, not to mention life issues, and I've gained back some of the weight I had lost. I got away from journalling, but I'm back at it again and am using it to help me get my focus back. I also like using it to keep track of my activity, although I've not had an organised execise regime for a few months now due to an injury. I'm getting back into my activity, however, and I will be updating all my numbers soon.

As I said, I don't write in this blog with an audience in mind, but if anyone had any questions or comments on anything here, please don't hesitate to post!

BTW, the name of my blog came from a comment my supervisor at work made one day when I was in the middle of a full-blown rant about something I had to do that was infuriating me. He interrupted me and said something to the tune of, "Don't worry about it you don't have to do it. And my goodness look at you! Where are you going, everytime I see you, you're smaller! It's crazy, you're the incredible shrinking woman!!" The moment was funny and unexpected and seemed to sum up my life right now, so I came home and re-titled my blog.

Now all I need is a cape...

Thursday, February 28, 2008


I woke up this morning to a message from work asking if I could come in. I had just enough time to get ready and get the bus in to start at noon. I slept late this morning, it seems I'm wanting extra sleep this week and I've not been denying myself. While at work I was asked if I could take the morning open, which starts at 6am on Friday, so as soon as I got home tonight I had to sort out dinner to take with me tomorrow, make supper and eat it, and now I am about to go to bed. I'll be waking up with less than 5 hours sleep to face a long (and usually hectic) day, and I'm not really enthused about it, but I need the money, so there you go. I hope I can get to sleep's hopin'!

Wednesday, February 27, 2008

So good

I feel particularly fine at the moment. I worked on my knitting earlier, and got some good activity in, and had a friend visit this evening. I had a wonderful supper and I'm pleasantly tired and comfortable. I only wish I had someone here right not to give me a gentle back rub till I fall asleep, would be the perfect end to the day.

Earned 10 APs today: 30 min walk aerobics (2-mile), 60 min free weights, 25 min elliptical

Tuesday, February 26, 2008

How does it feel

This day was a bust. I was left a notice yesterday telling me that my flat was going to be inspected today, so I hung around and didn't exercise because I figured I'd just be into it and sweating and I would be decended upon. Only no one ever came. I'm starting to get seriously annoyed with the people who run this place and how they pull this shit. I did catch up on my sleep however, it was a somewhat sleepless weekend overall. I slept and slept and had strange dreams but it was all very good, and I woke up feeling better than I have for a while. In one dream I was probably the most lucid I have ever been in a dream, and I have had some pretty pucid dreams in my day. Everything seemed so normal, but I felt just surreal enough that I was able to tell I was dreaming. I was with my cousin K and telling her how I was pretty sure I was actually asleep and dreaming and that it was odd because I usually wake up when I'm THAT aware of what's going on. I even contemplated doing something to prove it was a dream, I told her I could jump off the roof if I wanted because I was dreaming and I wouldn't get hurt. Instead I went up to a guy who was walking by and just kissed him, because I knew I could get away with it. Because it was a dream. Too funny, I hope I have some more lucid dreams tonight. I ate my DPs but I only got 3 L of water in, so I might try to get some more in before I go to bed. No worries.

Monday, February 25, 2008

Tell me now

I was more interested in supper when I got home than in exercising. I shall have to make amends tomorrow. I'm stiff and sore in my shoulders, and I've all but made up my mind now that the pain I've been feeling in my neck is because of the free weights. I hadn't felt it last week but now I'm feeling it again. I had thought it was something to do with my posture. I'm not sure what I'm to do about it, it would help if I could figure out if a specific exercise is doing it. Other than the neck (which only hurts when I move a certain way) I am feeling very good physically. I'm fed and watered and fresh from a nice long soak in a hot bath, and I am pleasantly tired. I didn't get near enough sleep last night, but I got enough to go on, and my day was long and busy and good. It's nice not to be coughing and hurting, hopefully my chest cold will soon be all cleared up and finished. Now, to decide if I would like to watch a movie, and if so, which one I would like to watch. Decisions, decisions.

Sunday, February 24, 2008

Always gone too long

I got my activity in today and I'm proud of that. I was tempted not to, I guess I've not been motivated to do it much lately, but I made myself and I'm happy I did. It was important to me to get another session of free weights in this week, in light of not having been doing it when I was sick, and not wanting to lose my muscle. It was hard again, but I managed fine. I want to get my three sessions in next week, hopefully after that I will get stronger than I feel right now. I was thinking I might go for a river walk today, too, but I remembered I had movies that I needed to sort out before I returned them, so that took up some of my time this afternoon. To make up for that, I'm planning to get some sort of activity in tomorrow, despite the fact that I normally don't exercise on Monday because it is my long day. I didn't have an OP day yesterday after all, supper got left by the wayside, but that was the first non-OP day in a week, and I am pleased with things overall. I did log that gain today, and I simply recorded it then didn't think about it. It really isn't a big deal to me right now. I'm still moving forward, and I'm getting my groove back now that I'm starting to get better. It's not about having to be perfect, it's about how we handle the bumps. And the bumps will be inevitable. Bring it, I say.

Earned 7 APs today: 30 min walk aerobics (2-mile), 60 min free weights, 20 min brisk walking

Weekly summary:
Earned 15 APs
4 hours (240 min) total activity
5.5 miles (8.9 kms) walked
14 FPs remaining
.8 lbs gained
Current weight: 211

Saturday, February 23, 2008

Anytime she goes away

I found out from F today that she applied for grad school in another part of the province, which I had been completely unaware of. She mentioned applying to the school as well as the one here in the city, but I wasn't aware that the school was so far away. I would be devestated if she were to move away, I just might have to go with her. We were discussing our plans for her to come home with me this summer to visit. She's been one of my biggest supporters on my weight loss journey, and I think she is just as excited as I am to see my family's reaction to my new body when I surprise them. The days keep slipping away, the next thing I know it will be summertime, and I will look like a new person. That being said, I might have to log a gain for this week, but I know I will get there in the end. I will have to officially WI tomorrow, because I forgot to officially WI before I ate breakfast, and I have such a big meal it won't be accurate. This is important to me because the scale is showing me up a few lbs from my last WI. I knew this would probably happen due to the fact that when I WI'd last week I was completely empty when I'd done so, and had not eaten for over a day. I'd also been sick and skipping meals. I knew when I logged the weight I did that it would probably set me up to show a 'gain' this week, and I debated it, since when I first WI'd I showed a higher weight than I eventually logged (I made a visit to the bathroom not long after I'd initially logged my weight, and it made a big difference to the number and after a lot of debate I went and changed the official number). I wasn't going to, but I decided after much reflection that I want to be honest with myself, and recording my actual weight is part of that, even if doing so means I will have to deal with logging a gain the next week. If I don't like how that feels, then it should deter me from the type of behaviours I was engaging in last not eating and skipping meals. I decided that having to face this will force me to acknowledge the concequences of what I was doing, instead of glossing it over and not really admiting to it. I will log a gain this week if that's what happened, and I will be happy knowing that I made healthy choices this week, and I ate my DPs and met the guidelines, more importantly. The best thing is that I wasn't eating lots of APs like I normally do, but I still avoided drawing on my FPs, overall, which means I've been relying on the veggies, and have been eating less points, which is a great victory this week. That is definitely something to be proud of, and much more noteworthy than having to log a gain tomorrow.

And I met THE most delightful man at work today, I wish I could have taken him home and kept him forever. He had the most incredible stories to tell me, and I could have listened to him for hours. It is beautiful to meet a man who has been married for over 40 years, and who is still madly in love with his wife, and talks at length about how stunning she is and how lucky he is to have her. I could have cried listening to him. Mrs. Alan Riding, I hope you know how lucky you are to have the love of this man, he renews my faith in men in general.

Friday, February 22, 2008

Gone to stay

Well I got new pants for work, and it killed me to have to fork the money over, it was painfully expensive. F told me I was mad to pay such a price, but it's easy for her when she's wearing a size 5 or 7 and can shop at Walmart. I'm hoping the pants last me as long as the last ones did, at least that I won't feel like I wasted so much money. What thrilled me is that the saleslady told me to try a 16 after seeing me in the 18, and I ended up getting the 16! Yes they cost a lot of money, but at least they look good, I do hope I get a lot of wear out of them. They will be nice for wearing on any interviews too, which is important, because they are the only dressy pants I have. My one pair of jeans are starting to get too big, too. For more than one reason will I be happy to get to my final size and hopefully stay put. It will be nice to build up a wardrobe and not have to be dealing with all these clothing worries. I hate shopping and having to think about clothes! I did feel I looked good today tho, in my jeans and my striped green shirt I'd not worn before, I was actually looking forward to taking my coat off at the store and having people see me out of uniform. When I got home I wasn't in the mood to do anything but be lazy, but I made myself exercise, because my chest cold is doing better. I'm either weak from being sick, or I've gotten weak from no activity. Or both, I suppose. It was harder for me than it usually is. Hopefully I can get back into it and it won't leave me tired like today.

Earned 6 APs today: 30 min walk aerobics (2-mile), 60 min free weights

Thursday, February 21, 2008

Trying to find exactly what I missed

I only ate twice today, but I had a late breakfast and an early supper and I'm not hungry tonight. I went out in the afternoon, back to the thrift store to see if I could find pants for work. I wasn't able to find anything that fit properly; if it fit in the waist the backside and legs were too baggy. I also looked at jeans but it was the same situation. It is astonishing the selection that is available for the smaller sizes, I think even just being able to wear a 16 is going to make finding clothes a lot easier. I also find it astonishing that I can have lost almost 80 lbs and have only gone from a size 22 to an 18. The pants I was wearing for work when I started were a 22, and the ones I am wearing to work now are a 20. They are loose to the point of being risky to wear, but they are not so baggy as to look as awful as the 18s I was trying on today. It's strange how different makes can fit so differently. I wish my stomach was more in proportion to the rest of me, I've always hated how I carry all my weight around my middle. I might make a trip to the mall tomorrow and hit the plus size stores, and see if I can find something that will be comfortable and affordable to wear for work. There was something nice about today however. I wore the silver splash pants and the black Nike shirt I bought so many years ago to shrink into, and never did. I never threw them away, tho, because I was determined, and I pulled them out today to try on, because my black splash pants I've been wearing when I run errends and such have gotten baggy and are starting to look bad. When I tried on the silver they fit very comfortably, I probably could have been wearing them for a while. The shirt must be a L, and it is slimmer than I'm used to wearing, but it looks good on me, it is also very comfortable. I feel wonderful wearing this outfit; wearing it, I know I am the smallest I have been in years and years and years.

Earned 1 AP today: 20 min brisk walking

Wednesday, February 20, 2008

To make it through the day

Not much to say about today. I ate well, had my three meals. I got an extra shift, so I never got activity in like I'd intended. When I eat, I still feel unhappy in my tummy, I'm not sure if it's emotional, or if it's something else. I was taking a lot of pills for a few days last week when I was on my period and feeling particularly ill, so it's possible my stomach was affected I suppose. I suppose I just might be carrying extra acid on account of having so much on my mind. If it stays clear it will be possible to go for a river walk, but I think I would prefer it to be a little warmer. This chest cold has me coughing like mad when I'm experiencing the cold air, and that paired with exertion might be too much. It's worst when I first go out or first come in tho. I was going to go for a river walk yesterday, but it was really really cold, and I ended up just going as far as the video store. The wind would have been too much off the river, my fingers were going numb as it was. I'm glad I let myself be flexible enough to change my mind, there was a time in my life I would have forced myself to do it. Maybe tomorrow I'll be able to get a whole river walk in.

Tuesday, February 19, 2008

I'm just overweight

While seeing if there was anything new of interest in the fitness section on the WW site, I used the BMI calculator to see where I'm at now. I did it once before but it was so long ago I didn't even remember what I started out at. Apparently when I started I was at 41. Right now I'm at 30, which coincidently enough puts me right at the mark to be officially "overweight" instead of "obese". It's an unhappy word, and I am quite glad to have shed myself of it. Apparently I need to get down to 25 to be considered "healthy", definitely looking forward to that.

It's been a quiet day, I ate three times and had all my points. I'm feeling much more satisfied this evening because I had my usual enormous salad with supper, which was something I missed last night. I suppose technically I'm still eating a lot more food than 'normal' people, but after all this time I have come to be much more comfortable with that than I used to be; whatever I am doing is obviously working. It cannot be denied however that I still feel like there is something shameful about eating a lot of food. Odd that I can be doing so well and have come so far and still feel like there are reasons to be ashamed of my eating habits. I wonder what it will take before I can let go of the guilt and shame I've carried my whole life.

Earned 1 AP today: 20 min brisk walking

Monday, February 18, 2008

My eyes are dry

Back on track for the start of the week. I went a few days without tracking, but there's no way I went over my points, so I'm not worried. I ate like normal today, had my three meals. I am down another DP, putting me at 31, and I had a lot less for supper than I normally do just because I didn't want to dip a lot into the flex. I still don't feel up to exercising, but maybe I will still be able to get some in this week. Physically I'm feeling better again today I think, so I'm hoping I will see more improvement tomorrow. It feels really early to be done supper, and I'm a little unhappy that I'm going to have to face the rest of the night on my own, but there it is. I think I might take a bath and read some.

Sunday, February 17, 2008

Just another day

I'm making an effort and would say that I've done well with it. I had a big breakfast meal yesterday after posting, then went to work. By rights I should have taken 15 at some point during my shift and had some carrots and my apple, but I was working the first part of the shift with D and wanted his company much more than I wanted a break. There was a little stash of animal crackers in the dept and D and I ended up having them. I didn't have many, but I took what was left and felt better for it. F came and fetched me and took me shopping on the way home, so I was able to stock up on some badly needed perishables. We'd planned I would make supper, but halfway through the shopping I just completely pooped out and had trouble just stringing two thoughts. So instead of coming home to cook we stopped to Subway and came home to have that instead. We were famished and I enjoyed it very much. We hung out for a few hours, tho neither of us were very energetic after a long day. I had a good breakfast this morning, and just had a good supper. By suppertime I actually wanted to eat, and I hope it is a sign that maybe my appetite is coming back some. Either that or my body was just too insistent by that point to brook any nonsense from me. My chest cold is feeling a lot better than it had last week, I still cough, but not as much and it doesn't hurt like it did. The headache is gone too so I'm hopeful that tomorrow I might feel better again. I have to work but with this Family Day thing happening, I don't have to be in as early as I normally do. I'll be working with V, which will be a nice change, we haven't worked together in a long time now. I only wish I had some new work pants to wear, the ones I have now have become exremely uncomfortable overnight it seems. The last week seems to have wrought a lot of changes in a short amount of time. Hopefully they will stay up well enough for me to get through the day, and hopefully I can get something more suitable before my next shift.

Saturday, February 16, 2008


I hit my 75 lb milestone today with my WI. When you get stars, even 5 lb stars, the weight tracker usually lays off the chastisement and instead gives some measure of praise, and there will be a little encouraging and inspiring quote. I figured I was entitled after earning my 75 lb star. Instead I got some grudging praise and more of the chastisement.

Isn't it wonderful that not only do I get access to the plan, but my money also buys me such incredible support! How can I not succeed with WW cheering me on so enthusiastically?

I know I will be happy about this at some point, but right now it is lost in all of the personal stuff I have going on right now. I'm off plan for the first time since I started. That's really hard for me to say, but I realised it this morning and I really think I should say it 'out loud'. I've not been OP in a week. I've not been binging, not by a long shot. I've been skipping meals and I'm not meeting the guidelines. There have been days I've not eaten all my DPs, and there have been 3 days in the last week that I have only eaten once for the day. I've not exercised, but I don't consider that part of not being OP this week because I've been so ill with the chest cold, but if I wasn't ill I know I would have struggled with it this week anyway. When I'm going through hard times emotionally I struggle so hard with my tendency to start fasting. I haven't eaten since breakfast yesterday and I do not want to eat. My body is telling me it needs food and I don't care. I don't want to feed it. It has nothing to do with any thoughts about not wanting food, it is just a complete and utter and total lack of motivation to put food in my mouth. I have no desire to eat. I have no morale to do anything. And no I am not depressed, a relationship with someone very dear to me has ended and I'm consumed by grief. It hurts and it's going to hurt for a long time but it will get better. This is the first time since I started WW that I've had some sort of severe emotional trauma, and I always wondered how I would weather it. I was always afraid I would eat and eat and eat. But it's been the opposite, which is better in the sense that I probably won't gain from it, but it is terrible because it is just as unhealthy and it will damage me if I let it continue. I've worked so hard to be healthy, I have the power now to control how I handle my grieving and my sorrow. I don't think I can be perfectly on plan, but I am going to eat. I can't make myself WANT to eat, but I can make myself eat, regardless of not wanting to. It's astonishing to me sometimes how very hard it can be to make myself eat. I don't think a lot of people understand that for people like me this is a very real struggle, just as hard as it is for others to try and control their overeating. I don't want to be weak, and I don't want to lose the muscle I've gained.

One day at a time.

Thursday, February 14, 2008

Every once and a little while

I've not been posting, but then I've not been doing a whole lot of anything, for the most part. The chest cold I have has been especially bad this week, and I've spent a lot of time in bed. I've not exercised once, and I'm feeling wretched enough that I'm not really struggling with feelings of guilt. My chest hurts a lot, and if I take a deep breath it leads to painful coughing. I wheeze and rattle and I think trying to exercise would be a good way to find out what it would be like to pass out. I'm hot then I'm cold and I'm tired and I have no appetite. Last night I was so cold I actually had to put socks on in BED!!! SOCKS!!! And I was STILL COLD!!!! I fell asleep at 8:30 aching with cold and just plain aching, I'd been fighting to stay awake since 7:30. And then I woke up a bit after midnight and was awake till going on 6am. Lovely fun. Definitely been getting the crawley skin...anything touching my skin makes it hurt. AND...TOM showed up! Good for him! Not only does my head and chest ache, but my back and my stupid uterus aches too! The more the merrier, I say! It is interesting to note that I had predicted that I would start later in the week (I started yesterday evening), so I would have to say I was reading myself properly. I have to go out to the pharmacy, I need acetominininaphin to help with the achies. I'm low on certain foodstuffs, but the stuff I need is crap at the grocery up the street so I'm not sure whether I'll just go without some things. I'm not eating much right now anyway. I really do not feel up to walking all the way to the good grocery, even if I can get a bus back. I don't feel up to walking 10 min to the crappy one. Okay I'm done with whinging. Somewhere in the midst of it all this week I got invited out for dinner, and I did my best to make it less damaging. They did not have low fat options for dressing or sour cream, so I had dressing on the side of my salad, and in total might have used half a tsp of it (I would dip the tips of the fork tines in it after I had the lettuce in my mouth). I also tipped the cheese off before I ate it. And I had my baked potatoe absolutely plain. Now, I DID have the steak, without realising how costly steak is points wise (I never get to eat steak!), but it was so sinfully delicious that I almost wept from joy, and I didn't eat the whole thing. I would have loved to eat everything on the plate, but I stopped when I knew I was satisfied. And said no to dessert, even tho D raves that there is an excellent dessert there that I have to try. All in all, I am very proud of myself. Mostly I'm just glad that I felt well enough that evening to go out, I've certainly felt like crap before and after. I usually journal in the evening, but I've completely pooped out most evenings this week so I figured I might as well do it. I know I won't be exercising aside from walking to the pharmacy, so I don't have to worry about posting APs. The scale is showing me down, steak or no steak, so if it holds for the weekend, I should have a very satisfying WI on Saturday. I wouldn't be surprised if I rise before then tho; these pills tend to affect my digestion, I find. Oh well, I'm not much fussed at this point, I just want to feel better. I'll be keeping an eye, if I feel this bad again next week, I'll likely try to see a physician just to make sure it's not something more serious than a chest cold. I know chest colds take a long time to get over tho, so for now I'm just sitting on it. Wish I could poke it with pointy objects. And give it kicks.

Monday, February 11, 2008

But you can dip your feet

The weekend turned out nothing like I had planned it to. Yesterday I got nothing done, it was absolutely freezing, and with my heat still not working properly it was too cold here to do anything but be cold. I ended up at someone else's house and was there a goodly part of the day, ended up not eating hardly anything, which made two days in a row. I hopped on the scale this morning before breakfast and it shows me as down a few pounds from Saturday and I'm displeased. I know the past few days have been unhealthy and it bothers me. I wish my period would just start so I would feel more myself. Today was good, longish but fine. I'll be getting supper in a bit, and I will have had three meals and met the guidelines, so aside from no activity (which I usually don't do Mondays anyway), today was back on track. I'm tired tho, going to try to make it an early one.

Sunday, February 10, 2008

She's a good girl.., actually. She isn't.

Weekly summary:
Earned 32 APs
4.7 hours (280 min) total activity
3 miles (4.8 kms) walked
26.5 FPs remaining
5.4 lbs lost
Current weight: 215

Saturday, February 9, 2008


...IS THAT ME??!?!?!!

I finally saw it!! I FINALLY SAW IT!!!!! I was in the bathroom and as I always always do when I am passing by the mirror I stopped and examined myself, but I don't know what is different about tonight, whether it is the lack of food or the moodiness or the stiff whiskey I had when I got home that went straight to my head but I SEE IT!! For the first time I truly see it! For some reason it was so apparent to me that I am thinner! And not just by a little bit! Out of nowhere I was gawking at the mirror and that me!? Yes, I was sucking in out of habit, but even then...suddenly I looked SO MUCH slimmer than I have ever seen myself to be!!! I don't know if I will look at myself tomorrow and see the same thing, but I wanted to let the record show that for tonight at least, I finally looked at myself and saw that I am different! Different in such a way to make me squeal and dance and jump up and down! I looked for 5 minutes, turning this way and that. 5 minutes, literally. I want to be in there right now, looking! Ohhhhhh this is the closest I have ever come to imagining what it will be like 40-odd lbs from now! I don't understand why I can't see what is there in the mirror, but tonight is the first time I have really understood that I don't see what is right there before my eyes. How can that be? I know psychology and all of that, but still, I don't understand it. How can I not see what I see tonight? I can get my head around how it is a personal thing to interpret a person's behaviours, but this should be different. This is about looking at something "concrete", isn't it? I never would have thought a person could have such a personal perspective on something I always thought was so objective. I'm different, and I'm going to be more different. It's going to happen. Christ, it's happening now!!!!!!!!! Oh god I can't wait to meet the new me...I can't wait for my family to meet her too! I'm going to look some more!!! :D!!!!!

To save you from your old ways

I think I must be hormonal. Or maybe I'm just hoping I'm hormonal, because it would explain my mood tonight. It wasn't a bad day, just a strange day. I finished the baby blanket for E (on the bus then in the loo at work, God help me...all I needed was 30 more min before I had to leave for work...I guess I should be thankful that I have such a long bus ride). She laughed through the card, which I'd written some things in, and then cried, so I think it was a success. I finished it so last minute that I never got a chance to even look at the finished product. For days I'd been thinking how I didn't want to be finishing it last minute, and look at how it turned out. Turns out I'd forgotten when I was planning how long it would take me to complete it that I'd deviated from the original pattern and made it wider, which of course meant I had to make it longer to compensate. Either way I'm not happy with myself. I didn't get to eat anything before I left for work because I was trying to finish the knitting, so I felt somewhat out of it at work. In light of not eating yet today, I am not going to exercise tonight. I got an email from a friend when I got home that has left me out of sorts, but it's probably better to wait till we're face to face to talk about it. I can't really trust my reactions right now, I really do hope I'm hormonal. I've been having cramps a little bit the past few days, so I guess TOM might be getting ready to stop by, but it doesn't seem like very long since the last time.

Okay I just checked and from the best I can figure TOM showed up around the 16th last month (stupid me forgot to post and say when), so I think it would be too early for me to be showing symptoms yet, so perhaps I'm NOT hormonal after all. For the past few months I seem to be showing more of the hormonal symptoms after TOM leaves instead of before. My cycles are different than they used to be, I suppose I'll need to just record what I notice, and try to learn my new patterns, since what I used to know doesn't seem to apply anymore. But going on what I used to know, I would read myself right now and say I should start toward the end of the week. I shall have to see what comes of that. Oh SO MOODY!

Friday, February 8, 2008

He doesn't look a thing like Jesus

I keep alternating between hot and cold today, right now I'm cold...cold feet, cold hands, cold bones. A hot bath would be lovely, but I have that knitting I want to finish for tomorrow. I should have a good WI tomorrow, so that's something to be excited about. I really don't like the Saturday closing shift tho, it's probably the worst shift of the week. But it could always be worse...I could be working inventory Sunday night. The money would be welcome, but I finally made a stand and asked them to respect my wishes that I not be scheduled on Sundays. There's a point when you have to keep an employer from taking advantage of you, and after some comments that were made before the last inventory I decided that I wasn't going to let it carry on. Anyhoo, I'm off to see if I can't finish the knitting tonight, I seem to have gotten in a strange headspace anyway, I don't know why my words seem to dry up this time of night.

Earned 9 APs today: 20 min brisk walking, 50 min elliptical

Thursday, February 7, 2008

I dare you to move

I keep looking at that little roundy bone that is part of the wrist, and I always wish it would hurry up and become more prominant. That is one of the things that has always been a sort of talisman for me, something I have always wanted. The women in my family seem to have prominant roundy wrist bones, and I've always felt different because you could never see mine. Wanting my knuckles to show up nicely is another talisman of mine and another one I look for constantly. My brother always teased me when I was young about how you couldn't see my knuckles, so I really want to be able to see them at last. I like having these talismans, they are something to look forward to, and something that I feel immensely proud of when they are accomplished. One I have accomplished already that I was demonstrating to myself this evening for the simple joy of being able to do it now is being able to cross my legs. Another big one is being able to crouch. Kneeling is another talisman for me, but I've not put it to the test, I should do that sometime soon.

I've had a quiet day, but a good one. I tidied my kitchen (something I've resolved to do and am being more dedicated about lately which makes me happy!) and I spent time knitting. I want to get this blanket done for Saturday because that should be the last time I see E before she goes on maternity. I'm going to do as much as I can on it before I go to bed tonight. I shouldn't have any issues finishing it tomorrow, I am nearly done, but on the off chance I get offered an extra shift at work, I don't want to be left having to do it with little time on Saturday. I really hope she likes it, I need to make a trip to the dollar store tomorrow to get a a gift bag or something to put it in. Note to self, I also need to pick up romaine.

My body continues to sag and be all pathetic. When I was exercising today I got to listen to the sound of my thighs slapping together, and even as I was mentally cursing, I started laughing in spite of myself because I suddenly imagined it sounded like applause, and I pretended my thighs were clapping and cheering me on. It felt good to laugh at it all. Then I was on the elliptical and was watching Harry Potter and had a few moments where I almost fell over from laughing at funny parts. Exercise and laughter might not necessarily be the safest thing, but I honestly don't care. Laughing and sweat baby, booyah!

Earned 14 APs today: 30 min walk aerobics (2-mile), 60 min free weights, 50 min elliptical

Wednesday, February 6, 2008

Fousty ol' day

I don't know if maintenance showed up today because I was offered a shift and I worked it. Damned if I'll pass up any more work waiting to see if they might show up. The system they have here for getting repairs done is absolutely disgraceful! I don't see why they can't set up an appointment with you instead of just showing up out of the blue. I bet they don't show up at all and next week I'll be calling to find out WTF. Bah, anyhoo! I never got my activity in today since I got called before I was out of bed, and left at twelve and got back at nine. Even then I was sorely tempted to exercise anyway, but I was hungry and I really really hate having supper at midnight! If I'd known I'd have been working I could have tried to get some in early this morning. I know I can't control the work situation, but I still feel guilty to a certain degree and I hate that.

Tuesday, February 5, 2008

Damn and blast

I turned down a shift at work today to stay here for maintenance to fix my heat and of course they never showed up. He'd asked me on Saturday whether they could come in Monday and I said that I would be at work but I would be here Tuesday, so I didn't want to leave. I'm frustrated that I lost the opportunity for an extra shift when I need the money so badly!

I either have a new chest cold, or the one I had just went to ground and has now resurfaced. I'm getting tired of the coughing and congestion, but at least I don't feel bad, per se. I spent a quiet day knitting and listening to Harry Potter mostly, tho once 5pm came I walked to the grocery for lettuce and eggs, and got bus tickets. I also spent time on the eliptical when I got back, so I'm pleased about something, at least. I slept a bit over 10 hours last night and I guess it was much needed. I'm going to head to bed early tonight, too, and listen to music till I am ready to sleep. I was hungry for a lot of today, it was like my meals weren't satisfying the hunger enough to make it really go away, and right away I was preoccupied on when I would be able to eat again. Supper left me feeling nicely full however, so that's all I really care about. The weather has gone mild again and I was hoping maybe I could get a river walk in sometime this week, but F told me tonight that it is supposed to be a fousty day tomorrow, so we'll have to wait and see if there's any ice and such down. Strange to think that before we know it Spring will be showing her face. All I know is that by the time summer grabs hold, I should be slimmer and happy not to be wearing bulky winter jackets!

Earned 9 APs today: 20 min brisk walking, 50 min elliptical

Monday, February 4, 2008

Those hot winds from the south

I was chilly all evening for no reason at all, but I finally seem to be getting warm. I just hot a nice hot candlelit bath and I feel tired and relaxed. I ate as soon as I got home, and I have had all my water. I just wish I never had closing shifts, that way I could always finish consuming things at a decent time of night. I hope I can get a lot of activity in this week, I feel I have a lot to make up for. The yoga really did do a number on me, my neck and shoulders/upper back were the worst!

My points have dropped by 1, and I'm really not sure why. I thought you only dropped when you had a 10 lb loss, and I've not lost in a couple of weeks. I guess maybe I was misinformed, but it still seems strange to me. Every point lost now is a bigger adjustment than the one before. I'm going to have to start eating more salads methinks.

Sunday, February 3, 2008

Superbowl Suday

I hadn't been excited about the big game; I was feeling down because I didn't have anyone to watch it with, and neither of the teams do it for me, but it turned out to be a great game to watch and I did get into it. Eli Manning is very likable and I was happy to see him do well, tho I wasn't cheering for one team over the other. I would also have liked to see the Pats get their perfect season.

I've slacked on the exercise because I'm been sore and distracted. I vow to make up for that this week coming. I had a STS at WI yesterday, but today the scale is showing me as down 4 lbs since yesterday. I do think the suppers and tons of water late at night are really messing with me lately. Oh well, it all comes out in the wash.

Weekly summary:
Earned 28 APs
4.5 hours (270 min) total activity
4.5 miles (7.2 kms) walked
9.5 FPs remaining
Current weight: 221.4

Friday, February 1, 2008


And yet another brain-dead night. I was getting dressed to go out after milk early this afternoon when D called and asked if I could come in to work, and of course I said yes because I'm wretchedly poor and I don't know how I'm going to make next month's rent. I'd planned to exercise today, but by the time I got home from work I was starving and ate instead. Plus all the aches and pains I wasn't feeling this morning showed up during the course of the day and I'm sore and aching tonight in my neck and shoulders and upper back. My upper abs and sides are sore too. I'm glad to be sore tho, I know the yoga did exactly what I wanted it to. And feeling like this, I know I definitely won't be attempting it more than once a week to being with. I'd planned on WATP and free weights today before I had to work and got all achy, but I think even if I'd had the time this evening I might have given it a miss, let the muscles heal up a bit. Hopefully tomorrow I can get some good activity in.

Okay I just realised why I'm so brain-dead...I only got about 6 hour's sleep last night and that is NOT enough for me. MMmm........sleeeeeeeeep!