It's Delle!

Someone on the WW boards mentioned they read my blog (news to me, I didn't think anybody stopped by here aside from my best friend!), so I thought I should put a little blurb about me. I made this journal so I can keep track of the things I'm doing and how I'm thinking and feeling as I journey along the road to getting thinner. It's not intended to be written to an audience, it is honestly something I am writing to myself, and I find it so helpful to be able to look back even 4 months ago and see what kinds of things I was many of our experiences in life slip through the cracks, and I want to remember as many of them as I can in relation to my weight loss; the good, the bad, and even the oh so ugly ones!

So many people say they've struggled with their weight for years, but this is not tue for me. I've been overweight from my earliest memories, and morbidly obese all of my adult life, but I was not the type to yo-yo diet, so in that sense I was not struggling. I don't know what my highest weight was because I didn't have a scale to weigh myself when I started getting set to lose weight. In the year before I started WW I started trying to eat less junk food and to get a little activity into my routine. When I started WW I was 288 lbs and wearing a size 22, and I know the year before I was wearing a size 26 (which was tight on me), so I'm guessing I was easily in the low 300 lb-range at my highest weight.

For the first year of my weight loss journey I was incredibly focussed and motivated. I was keeping my weight loss a secret from my family back home in Newfoundland, and my goal was to surprise them on my trip home in July. Needless to say it was quite a shock to a lot of people when I showed up over 100 lbs lighter without any warning!

Right now I am getting back on track after my trip back home. I wasn't following WW for a while due to comp issues, not to mention life issues, and I've gained back some of the weight I had lost. I got away from journalling, but I'm back at it again and am using it to help me get my focus back. I also like using it to keep track of my activity, although I've not had an organised execise regime for a few months now due to an injury. I'm getting back into my activity, however, and I will be updating all my numbers soon.

As I said, I don't write in this blog with an audience in mind, but if anyone had any questions or comments on anything here, please don't hesitate to post!

BTW, the name of my blog came from a comment my supervisor at work made one day when I was in the middle of a full-blown rant about something I had to do that was infuriating me. He interrupted me and said something to the tune of, "Don't worry about it you don't have to do it. And my goodness look at you! Where are you going, everytime I see you, you're smaller! It's crazy, you're the incredible shrinking woman!!" The moment was funny and unexpected and seemed to sum up my life right now, so I came home and re-titled my blog.

Now all I need is a cape...

Saturday, February 16, 2008


I hit my 75 lb milestone today with my WI. When you get stars, even 5 lb stars, the weight tracker usually lays off the chastisement and instead gives some measure of praise, and there will be a little encouraging and inspiring quote. I figured I was entitled after earning my 75 lb star. Instead I got some grudging praise and more of the chastisement.

Isn't it wonderful that not only do I get access to the plan, but my money also buys me such incredible support! How can I not succeed with WW cheering me on so enthusiastically?

I know I will be happy about this at some point, but right now it is lost in all of the personal stuff I have going on right now. I'm off plan for the first time since I started. That's really hard for me to say, but I realised it this morning and I really think I should say it 'out loud'. I've not been OP in a week. I've not been binging, not by a long shot. I've been skipping meals and I'm not meeting the guidelines. There have been days I've not eaten all my DPs, and there have been 3 days in the last week that I have only eaten once for the day. I've not exercised, but I don't consider that part of not being OP this week because I've been so ill with the chest cold, but if I wasn't ill I know I would have struggled with it this week anyway. When I'm going through hard times emotionally I struggle so hard with my tendency to start fasting. I haven't eaten since breakfast yesterday and I do not want to eat. My body is telling me it needs food and I don't care. I don't want to feed it. It has nothing to do with any thoughts about not wanting food, it is just a complete and utter and total lack of motivation to put food in my mouth. I have no desire to eat. I have no morale to do anything. And no I am not depressed, a relationship with someone very dear to me has ended and I'm consumed by grief. It hurts and it's going to hurt for a long time but it will get better. This is the first time since I started WW that I've had some sort of severe emotional trauma, and I always wondered how I would weather it. I was always afraid I would eat and eat and eat. But it's been the opposite, which is better in the sense that I probably won't gain from it, but it is terrible because it is just as unhealthy and it will damage me if I let it continue. I've worked so hard to be healthy, I have the power now to control how I handle my grieving and my sorrow. I don't think I can be perfectly on plan, but I am going to eat. I can't make myself WANT to eat, but I can make myself eat, regardless of not wanting to. It's astonishing to me sometimes how very hard it can be to make myself eat. I don't think a lot of people understand that for people like me this is a very real struggle, just as hard as it is for others to try and control their overeating. I don't want to be weak, and I don't want to lose the muscle I've gained.

One day at a time.

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