The incredible shrinking woman!: I'm empty and aching and I don't know why

It's Delle!

Someone on the WW boards mentioned they read my blog (news to me, I didn't think anybody stopped by here aside from my best friend!), so I thought I should put a little blurb about me. I made this journal so I can keep track of the things I'm doing and how I'm thinking and feeling as I journey along the road to getting thinner. It's not intended to be written to an audience, it is honestly something I am writing to myself, and I find it so helpful to be able to look back even 4 months ago and see what kinds of things I was experiencing...so many of our experiences in life slip through the cracks, and I want to remember as many of them as I can in relation to my weight loss; the good, the bad, and even the oh so ugly ones!

So many people say they've struggled with their weight for years, but this is not tue for me. I've been overweight from my earliest memories, and morbidly obese all of my adult life, but I was not the type to yo-yo diet, so in that sense I was not struggling. I don't know what my highest weight was because I didn't have a scale to weigh myself when I started getting set to lose weight. In the year before I started WW I started trying to eat less junk food and to get a little activity into my routine. When I started WW I was 288 lbs and wearing a size 22, and I know the year before I was wearing a size 26 (which was tight on me), so I'm guessing I was easily in the low 300 lb-range at my highest weight.

For the first year of my weight loss journey I was incredibly focussed and motivated. I was keeping my weight loss a secret from my family back home in Newfoundland, and my goal was to surprise them on my trip home in July. Needless to say it was quite a shock to a lot of people when I showed up over 100 lbs lighter without any warning!

Right now I am getting back on track after my trip back home. I wasn't following WW for a while due to comp issues, not to mention life issues, and I've gained back some of the weight I had lost. I got away from journalling, but I'm back at it again and am using it to help me get my focus back. I also like using it to keep track of my activity, although I've not had an organised execise regime for a few months now due to an injury. I'm getting back into my activity, however, and I will be updating all my numbers soon.

As I said, I don't write in this blog with an audience in mind, but if anyone had any questions or comments on anything here, please don't hesitate to post!

BTW, the name of my blog came from a comment my supervisor at work made one day when I was in the middle of a full-blown rant about something I had to do that was infuriating me. He interrupted me and said something to the tune of, "Don't worry about it you don't have to do it. And my goodness look at you! Where are you going, everytime I see you, you're smaller! It's crazy, you're the incredible shrinking woman!!" The moment was funny and unexpected and seemed to sum up my life right now, so I came home and re-titled my blog.

Now all I need is a cape...

Monday, June 16, 2008

I'm empty and aching and I don't know why

2 weeks, 2 days till Home!
-OP: yes
-activity: yes

I was dreaming about a certain someone this morning and woke up with that Simon & Garfunkel song in my head, and it's been there all day long. I've been down but I made it through the day just fine, work was uneventful and I did some shopping after and just got my bus but thankfully made it. I went for a river walk when I got home (D couldn't come with me because of plans that went awry, but we plan to go tomorrow instead). I came home and had supper right away even tho I usually veg for a bit so that I could be online to talk to M. I've been neglecting her horribly and there was no way I was going to lollygag tonight and miss chatting with her. I also managed to catch up quite a bit on my journal, and got recent summaries done, so I'm happy for that. I just wish my mood was better. I don't know what's wrong with me lately, but every time I look at myself all I can think is how fat I look. Honestly, there were times today looking at my fat tummy that I couldn't percieve any difference in how it looks now and how it used to look, that's how big it seems to me. If I didn't know better I'd swear I must have put on 20 lbs since last week (or maybe 40), because last week I thought I looked decent but suddenly this week I seem so fat. It's mental the effect our mood can have on our perceptions without us even being aware of it. I've caught myself lately not meeting people's eyes in public (girls mostly) because I felt embarrassed about being fat. Talk about regressing into old behaviours!

Okay I have too much happening at once, I'll write more tomorrow.

Earned 5 APs today: 80 min brisk walking