It's Delle!

Someone on the WW boards mentioned they read my blog (news to me, I didn't think anybody stopped by here aside from my best friend!), so I thought I should put a little blurb about me. I made this journal so I can keep track of the things I'm doing and how I'm thinking and feeling as I journey along the road to getting thinner. It's not intended to be written to an audience, it is honestly something I am writing to myself, and I find it so helpful to be able to look back even 4 months ago and see what kinds of things I was experiencing...so many of our experiences in life slip through the cracks, and I want to remember as many of them as I can in relation to my weight loss; the good, the bad, and even the oh so ugly ones!

So many people say they've struggled with their weight for years, but this is not tue for me. I've been overweight from my earliest memories, and morbidly obese all of my adult life, but I was not the type to yo-yo diet, so in that sense I was not struggling. I don't know what my highest weight was because I didn't have a scale to weigh myself when I started getting set to lose weight. In the year before I started WW I started trying to eat less junk food and to get a little activity into my routine. When I started WW I was 288 lbs and wearing a size 22, and I know the year before I was wearing a size 26 (which was tight on me), so I'm guessing I was easily in the low 300 lb-range at my highest weight.

For the first year of my weight loss journey I was incredibly focussed and motivated. I was keeping my weight loss a secret from my family back home in Newfoundland, and my goal was to surprise them on my trip home in July. Needless to say it was quite a shock to a lot of people when I showed up over 100 lbs lighter without any warning!

Right now I am getting back on track after my trip back home. I wasn't following WW for a while due to comp issues, not to mention life issues, and I've gained back some of the weight I had lost. I got away from journalling, but I'm back at it again and am using it to help me get my focus back. I also like using it to keep track of my activity, although I've not had an organised execise regime for a few months now due to an injury. I'm getting back into my activity, however, and I will be updating all my numbers soon.

As I said, I don't write in this blog with an audience in mind, but if anyone had any questions or comments on anything here, please don't hesitate to post!

BTW, the name of my blog came from a comment my supervisor at work made one day when I was in the middle of a full-blown rant about something I had to do that was infuriating me. He interrupted me and said something to the tune of, "Don't worry about it you don't have to do it. And my goodness look at you! Where are you going, everytime I see you, you're smaller! It's crazy, you're the incredible shrinking woman!!" The moment was funny and unexpected and seemed to sum up my life right now, so I came home and re-titled my blog.

Now all I need is a cape...

Sunday, June 1, 2008

My body's nobody's body but mine...

4 weeks, 3 days till Home!
-OP: yes
-activity: yes

...you got your own body, let me have mine!!!!!

A friend of mine here in Ontario told me that she learned a song to that effect in elementary school, a gimmick that was used in the schools here to teach children about molestation and abuse. It is in my mind today because of a post I read today on a website I frequent that belongs to a wonderful woman named Roni. She posted about how she has decided to have some additional surgery (she had a tummy tuck done over a year ago now I think it was) to tidy her stomach up after she had a big weight loss. A person made a comment on her blog about too much perfection, and I immediately saw red.

How dare people be negative towards someone who decides to have surgery to tidy their body after extreme weight loss? Why do people think they're better than someone else, just because they think/believe differently? I wonder if this person has ever lost a huge amount of weight, and have had to deal with that. If a person changes their lifestyle and exercises and loses weight, and then has a bunch of leftover skin because their skin doesn't shrink like some people's, why on earth should that person have to live with it forever and suffer it, when surgery can fix it? Why do some people make a judgement call that surgery for reasons other than are meant to save your life are wrong, shameful, or wasteful? Why do some people think their way of thinking is better than someone else's?

Och, I suppose it can apply to lots of different topics, but this one is definitely very, very personal to me. I plan to have surgery as soon as I can manage it to tidy my body up, and woe be to any person who tries to tell me to my face that I should be ashamed, or who looks down their noses at me. It is not my fault that my skin does not snap back. And if someone thinks that I should live the rest of my life with my body sagging and hanging and drooping all over as some kind of price because I lived so long as a morbidly obese person, then those people can go fuck themselves. How dare someone think they are better because they have been thin forever, or don't have to deal with their skin hanging off them like deflated balloons. There is nothing shameful in not being happy with your body and with wanting to change it. There is nothing shameful in turning to surgery because it is a last resort. And you know what? There is nothing shameful in turning to surgery as a first resort, that is simply what someone else decides is right for them. Just because it is not right for you does NOT mean that you are suddenly superior. You can talk all you want about your battle scars, but just because you are happy with your body drooping does not mean you are better than me because I am not happy with my body drooping. I accept me for who I am, and I love me for who I am, and my happiness does not hang on this single thing, but it is still an important thing to me, and I will change it when I can so that I can be happier. No, I would not jump off the bridge if surgery was impossible. I did not jump off the bridge when I was morbidly obese. My life does not depend on what my body looks like, but if I am happier without the excess skin, then I will aim to get rid of it, because we only have one life to live, and I have every right to be as happy as I can, and to do what I can to reach my goals. It is not a failing to be unhappy with my body, if it was not a failing to be unhappy with an obese body, it is not a failing to be unhappy with a size 12 body in size 26 skin. and if I choose to spend thousands of dollars to get my body the way I want it, who are you to look down your nose at me, or at Roni, or at anyone else who makes this decision? If I am not depriving myself or someone else of the necessities of life to do so, and if I am not hanging my life on it, just deciding it is something I want and is within my means, then it is my choice to do so. People spend money on all manner of things, cars, houses, clothes...this is my body...my body...surely my body is the most important thing to me, more important than material possessions. Surely if nothing else, I have a right to work on my body and to have it the way I want it. And if there is no way other than surgery than to get it the way I want it, after so much effort, then so be it. Everyone who thinks differently can bugger off in high fashion.

Yes, I am very passionate about this topic. I had so much more I wanted to say about it, but I get so emotional about it that I lose it all.

It was a good day, I went for a walk late this morning, and spent the afternoon cleaning. I meant to catch up on my journal this evening, but the cleaning went overboard, and I ran out of time. I didn't get to the main room, but the kitchen is all sorted, and I got some new containers to get things more organised in there. I spend a lot of time in there, it's only fitting that it should be sorted and sensible. Okay, time for supper shortly, more tomorrow.

Earned 6 APs today: 100 min brisk walking

Weekly summary:
Earned 42 APs
7.4 hours (945 min) total activity
9 miles (14.5 kms) walked
29 FPs remaining
2.0 lbs lost
Current weight: 189.6

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