It's Delle!

Someone on the WW boards mentioned they read my blog (news to me, I didn't think anybody stopped by here aside from my best friend!), so I thought I should put a little blurb about me. I made this journal so I can keep track of the things I'm doing and how I'm thinking and feeling as I journey along the road to getting thinner. It's not intended to be written to an audience, it is honestly something I am writing to myself, and I find it so helpful to be able to look back even 4 months ago and see what kinds of things I was many of our experiences in life slip through the cracks, and I want to remember as many of them as I can in relation to my weight loss; the good, the bad, and even the oh so ugly ones!

So many people say they've struggled with their weight for years, but this is not tue for me. I've been overweight from my earliest memories, and morbidly obese all of my adult life, but I was not the type to yo-yo diet, so in that sense I was not struggling. I don't know what my highest weight was because I didn't have a scale to weigh myself when I started getting set to lose weight. In the year before I started WW I started trying to eat less junk food and to get a little activity into my routine. When I started WW I was 288 lbs and wearing a size 22, and I know the year before I was wearing a size 26 (which was tight on me), so I'm guessing I was easily in the low 300 lb-range at my highest weight.

For the first year of my weight loss journey I was incredibly focussed and motivated. I was keeping my weight loss a secret from my family back home in Newfoundland, and my goal was to surprise them on my trip home in July. Needless to say it was quite a shock to a lot of people when I showed up over 100 lbs lighter without any warning!

Right now I am getting back on track after my trip back home. I wasn't following WW for a while due to comp issues, not to mention life issues, and I've gained back some of the weight I had lost. I got away from journalling, but I'm back at it again and am using it to help me get my focus back. I also like using it to keep track of my activity, although I've not had an organised execise regime for a few months now due to an injury. I'm getting back into my activity, however, and I will be updating all my numbers soon.

As I said, I don't write in this blog with an audience in mind, but if anyone had any questions or comments on anything here, please don't hesitate to post!

BTW, the name of my blog came from a comment my supervisor at work made one day when I was in the middle of a full-blown rant about something I had to do that was infuriating me. He interrupted me and said something to the tune of, "Don't worry about it you don't have to do it. And my goodness look at you! Where are you going, everytime I see you, you're smaller! It's crazy, you're the incredible shrinking woman!!" The moment was funny and unexpected and seemed to sum up my life right now, so I came home and re-titled my blog.

Now all I need is a cape...

Tuesday, June 17, 2008

It makes me feel like rain

2 weeks, 1 day till Home!
-OP: yes
-activity: yes

Today was so surreal, it started off okay but went downhill without necessarily being bad, just being strange. I let myself get distracted late morning, and it messed up a goodly portion of my day unfortunately. I wanted to get my workout in early, but instead I got most of it in later in the afternoon. Part of me is just happy I did it at all, as I really wasn't in the mood to do anything. I realised I could do it tomorrow, but decided to go ahead and do it today; I need to exercise when I have the opportunity, because when I put it off there's always a risk I'll end up working or whatnot, and not be able to get it in. I interrupted the workout 2/3 way through to go for a river walk, accompanied half way by D, which was lovely. He was afraid it was going to rain on him and his new trainers, but I assured him we'd be fine. With the cloud cover the trail was all but deserted so it was a nice mostly solitary walk. We chattered like magpies the whole time, as we are wont to do whenever we're together, and it did a lot to improve my mood, which was still very much off when I left for the walk. I felt so out of it, everything felt and looked abnormal to me. I feel a lot like that again now, but I think it's just because I'm so tired tho. There's been a lot going on for me lately.

I had extra points today because I didn't have a proper dinner, so I picked up some vanilla extract on the way home from my walk and I made muffins before I made supper. I altered the recipe I used last week for the banana muffins, and made this one with fresh apple and with cinnamon. I was a little nervous that it would be a disaster, but for the most part I figured it would work out, and I was definitely right. I'm not sure if they're moist or if they're maybe a little soggy, and the bottoms were a little too well done on the outside (I think I need to spray the pans more), but I enjoyed the ones I had for dessert very much. I'm so unaccustomed to "sweets" or baking these days that the muffins might not be great but I would be hard pressed to actually tell the difference. Ultimately this doesn't matter since I'll usually be the one eating them and if I'm satisfied that's all that matters, but I would like to be able to make them well, so that I can share them with others. It has bothered me my whole life that I've been dreadful at baking.
I had a NSV when I chose to eat less muffins than I could have since I had so many points left, but I was full so I stopped, even tho I could have had more. This was definitely a victory for me because my biggest issue has always been eating to extreme fullness as long as there is food left, and not being satisfied without being uncomfortably full.

Despite feeling surreal and a little disconsolate today, I did manage to feel a little more positive about my body today than I had been the past while. I still feel fat, but the rolls didn't bother me as much today. I was looking at my reflection this evening after I exercised, and suddenly I was just smiling, because I realised (not for the first time of late) that I'm now able to see my mother and my brother in my features, where I never had been able to do so before. I've always recalled the features of my father's family, but now I can see my mother's family in my face, and I take much happiness in that. My one brother has always been the one to favour our mother, but I have never felt we look alike, aside from me getting her nose, and her hips. It's been a gift to learn that I look like her after all. I wonder if others will think the same and/or comment on such things when I go home? Part of me wants another few months so I can try to get my body more to my liking before I see them all, and another part of me is weary of waiting and wondering and forever keeping secrets.

Earned 14 APs today: 30 min walk aerobics (2-mile), 20 min core, 15 min lower body, 35 min shoulders, 20 min biceps/triceps, 15 min chest, 100 min brisk walking

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