It's Delle!

Someone on the WW boards mentioned they read my blog (news to me, I didn't think anybody stopped by here aside from my best friend!), so I thought I should put a little blurb about me. I made this journal so I can keep track of the things I'm doing and how I'm thinking and feeling as I journey along the road to getting thinner. It's not intended to be written to an audience, it is honestly something I am writing to myself, and I find it so helpful to be able to look back even 4 months ago and see what kinds of things I was many of our experiences in life slip through the cracks, and I want to remember as many of them as I can in relation to my weight loss; the good, the bad, and even the oh so ugly ones!

So many people say they've struggled with their weight for years, but this is not tue for me. I've been overweight from my earliest memories, and morbidly obese all of my adult life, but I was not the type to yo-yo diet, so in that sense I was not struggling. I don't know what my highest weight was because I didn't have a scale to weigh myself when I started getting set to lose weight. In the year before I started WW I started trying to eat less junk food and to get a little activity into my routine. When I started WW I was 288 lbs and wearing a size 22, and I know the year before I was wearing a size 26 (which was tight on me), so I'm guessing I was easily in the low 300 lb-range at my highest weight.

For the first year of my weight loss journey I was incredibly focussed and motivated. I was keeping my weight loss a secret from my family back home in Newfoundland, and my goal was to surprise them on my trip home in July. Needless to say it was quite a shock to a lot of people when I showed up over 100 lbs lighter without any warning!

Right now I am getting back on track after my trip back home. I wasn't following WW for a while due to comp issues, not to mention life issues, and I've gained back some of the weight I had lost. I got away from journalling, but I'm back at it again and am using it to help me get my focus back. I also like using it to keep track of my activity, although I've not had an organised execise regime for a few months now due to an injury. I'm getting back into my activity, however, and I will be updating all my numbers soon.

As I said, I don't write in this blog with an audience in mind, but if anyone had any questions or comments on anything here, please don't hesitate to post!

BTW, the name of my blog came from a comment my supervisor at work made one day when I was in the middle of a full-blown rant about something I had to do that was infuriating me. He interrupted me and said something to the tune of, "Don't worry about it you don't have to do it. And my goodness look at you! Where are you going, everytime I see you, you're smaller! It's crazy, you're the incredible shrinking woman!!" The moment was funny and unexpected and seemed to sum up my life right now, so I came home and re-titled my blog.

Now all I need is a cape...

Friday, June 20, 2008

100 lb Milestone

1 week, 5 days till Home!!
-OP: yes
-activity: yes

Well it is finally official; I can now say I have lost 100 lbs.

The funny thing is that I unofficially hit that number during my Celebration Weekend over a month ago, but officially the number has since eluded me. I knew it would come around again eventually, so I wasn't much worried, but goodness, I would have liked it to show a little more urgency than it turned out

Nonetheless, my weight loss has shown a steady downward progress throughout, so I knew I would get there sooner or later. Here, see for yourself:

Notice the pretty little milestone stars underneath the last chart, I've built up quite the collection. Blue is my favorite colour so I'm thrilled that the 100 lb star is blue. I'm silly like that. Only one more to add - the gold Goal star. The first couple of months are interesting on the chart, that was back before I had my own scale, and had very unreliable ways of weighing myself. Once I got my own scale and was weighing every week, things became very consistent. And once I got more honest about my weighing practices, you can see the reliable dips and peaks from month to month associated with my menstrual cycle, which I find endearing somehow. I love reliability and predictability, it's satisfying for me.

Today's weight tracking has occured in a different environment than usual. It's a beautiful day and I woke up feeling full of pep and vinegar (old-fashioned it may be, but ever so much better than being full of piss and wind!) and I retired out onto the balcony after breakfast to do my computer work out here where I can look down on the Hood and enjoy the sun (albeit from the shade, I wouldn't sit out here if I was in direct I knew from day one that I would eventually have that 100 lb star, and I've been expecting it for weeks now, and yet when I brought up the weight tracker to officially track it, I got unexpected tears in my eyes. At first I felt a little foolish, but I was inside refilling my water bottle and a sudden thought came to me and I was laughing out loud and in tears again. Of course it's not foolish! Maybe I've been doing this whole weight loss thing for 11 months now, but there's nothing wrong with making this a momentus occasion, because while I may have been tracking losses for a long time now, I have never tracked a 100 lb loss before now.

And what really made me laugh and allow myself to fully recognise this as a noteworthy milestone was the realisation that this is truly a one-time experience, because I will never lose 100 lbs again. And that is why I was laughing for joy, because I know this is the only time I will ever be able to celebrate this accomplishment. I will never be in a position where I will have 100 lbs to lose ever again. I know this without a doubt because I am in control of my life and my choices, and I choose to never gain the weight back. No matter what life throws at me, even if I suffer hardships and illness and injury and am unable to live life the way I do now, I will alter my lifestyle and my choices whatever way I have to in order to stay at a healthy weight and not gain it back, regardless of the effort that will take. I made that committment when I started this journey, and I reinforce that committment to myself here and now. And the reason I am so certain that this is it and I will never go back to where I was is that after all this time and work I am only more dedicated to my new lifestyle than I had been when I started. I know I can keep meeting my goals because meeting them is all about the choices I make, and my choices are mine to control. As long as I want this, I will never fail...and I will always want this.

It's pretty surreal to be sitting here on this oh so fine warm summer's day and to be looking back over the last 100 lbs. In some ways the time went so quickly, and in other ways the changes feel so gradual. I've been thinking about the noteworthy differences and changes I've had along the way, and what better time and place to go ahead and note them!
  • As is inevitable after losing 100 lbs, my body is now lighter and more bendy/flexible than it ever was before! I feel so much more efficient in my movement; getting from point A to point B doesn't require the effort that it did. I feel faster and I've still not gotten used to the sensation that I am in fast forward sometimes. I can cut corners and turn and start and stop so much more easily and quickly than I could before. And I love love love how I can crouch without effort, and stay that way for a long time. I can also stand from a squat with ease, as well as kneel without problem. These are big ones for me, I've always wanted to be able to do that. I also feel so light and airy now when I get up from the floor (which I do a lot when I'm exercising). I never knew how truly effortful it used to be for me to get off the floor most of my life until now. I realise now I used to avoid sitting on the floor because of how hard it was to get up, which was an issue at work because I had to get down there a lot. These days it's literally a pleasure to get off the floor because I feel so light when I do.
  • BONES!!! I have them!! And I NEVER get sick of them!! It started off with being able to feel my collar bones, and to feel the curve of my rib cage. Along the way I've had the joy to meet shoulder bones, shoulder blades, knee bones, my breast bone, knuckles, individual ribs, that little roundy bone in my wrist (a huge pleasure to meet that particular bone, been a goal since I was a young girl!), my spine, and probably my most favorite, my hip bones! I remember meeting every one, and every experience was thrilling...and usually terrifying at first because I had no idea what it was and would panic till I realised what strange thing it was that I had encountered. Once a new bone is discovered I entertain myself endlessly with feeling it and looking at it. Seriously, I can't keep my hands off my ribs or my hip bones especially.
  • I've adopted a very healthy diet over the last 100 lbs; when I started off I was eating within my points religiously, but I was rather clueless about food and options of what to eat. I remember I would have hot dogs for supper constantly because it allowed me to have a big supper meal but I never knew what else I could be eating otherwise. I was still eating junk food and high calorie/processed foods, just cutting the portion sizes to stay within my points. These days my diet still tends to have little variation, but it is made up almost entirelly of nonprocessed foods. Every meal has lots of veggies, and I actually plan my meals with such things in mind as the amount of protein I'm getting, and the types of vegetables (eg., green vs orange). I don't buy meals, I buy ingredients and make meals from them. This still blows my mind and constantly feels like an accomplishment to be proud of
  • I now spend a lot of time researching health topics and learning in order to keep making changes in what I eat/do so I can meet my goal of living as healthy as I can. I actually spend hours each week reading up on things that look useful, and searching out info . When I'm in my routine I spend 30-60 min a day doing my research and planning how I can use the info in my diet/exercise plan. Sometimes I am just browsing health sites/blogs, and other times I am specifically going after certain information. When I started I wasn't too concerned about anything other than following WW and staying in my points, but as I progressed I really came to see the need to educate myself so I can make healthy choices; WW is a method, but I find they fall short on giving information specific enough to suit me. I started there and branched out to find out more, because I find it too general for my own needs. I wouldn't have known where to start without WW tho, and it gives a great groundwork to build on.
  • I've learned to be much more comfortable doing things like eating in public, and shopping with others. I used to have a great deal of anxiety if I had to eat around other people, and I've learned this is very common among females with weight problems. I used to wait till I was alone before I would eat, and would hide food so I could eat it just so I wouldn't have to deal with someone else watching me. I never used to take lunch breaks at work because I couldn't bear eating where people could see me. Now I would raise the roof off the place in protest if I wasn't able to take my lunch break, and eating around other people doesn't make me nervous the way it used to. I don't feel other people are watching my every bite and judging me for it. I've relaxed into realising that most people couldn't be bothered with monitoring what others are eating, and it helps that the people who do notice what I eat tend to compliment my choices and praise me for it. I still get nervous sometimes about the amount of food I eat and worry that people will criticise, but mostly I have gained confidence in my lifestyle and in knowing that everything is balanced, and I still have a very healthy diet. I'm getting to a point where I don't care whether someone looks at what I'm eating and thinks "wow that is a lot of food", which is a huge victory for me.
  • Exercise has become an essential part of my life, and what's more, I enjoy it! 100 lbs ago I was incredibly inactive, hell, for most of my adult life I was incredibly sedentary and inactive. I started off relatively slowly, but I've come to a point where as hard as it is to believe, I think I honestly have to categorise myself as being Very Active. Sometimes that still feels like a lie, but having looked at exercise charts of normal activity, I really do seem to fit in the exalted Very Active category. And what's more noteworthy is that my focus has shifted over the last 11 months whereby I have been making exercise goals instead of weight loss ones. I started off wanting the healthy lifestyle because it would bring about the weight loss, but that changed as I came to want the healthy lifestyle over and above the weight loss. Yes, I want to be thin, but my goal is to maintain a lifestyle of regular exercise and healthy eating. The being thin part will just come hand in hand. A small distinction perhaps, some would say, but to me this is such a critical change in me that it is monumental in its own way. It is about taking my pleasure and satisfaction from the way I am living, and not what my body looks like, which is awesome because no matter that I've lost 100 lbs, my body still has tonns of issues which are not going away anytime soon. And incidently, I've also shifted from wanting to be thin, to wanting to be curvy and muscular. As much as I love my bones, I never want them sticking out! I'm not aiming for a number, I'm aiming to be a particular shape, and as my interest in weight training keeps growing, I am less interested in losing weight and more keen on gaining muscle and strength.
  • In general I am just much more relaxed about people looking at me and touching me. I always felt so akward around people, but I feel like I stick out less now, and it allows for a lot less anxiety when I'm out and around people. I'm finally getting to a place where I am liking how I look, instead of just looking at myself and liking that I'm getting smaller, but still hating how I look. Yes I still have rolls and I hate them, but the overall package isn't so bad and I'm liking the reflection in the mirror more and more.
  • Odds and ends: I fit into bus seats now without overflowing onto the next person; people can actually sit next to me now without me noticing until I turn my head and see them. I fit into normal size clothing now when I used to be a size 26. I can walk up 7 flights of stairs with little effort when before I would still be breathing fast and my heart would be pounding 15 min later. I can be on my feet at work all day, day after day, without my feet being in agony, or even sore at the end of the day. I'm able to eat breakfast now; for years eating after I woke up made me incredibly nauseated. I've adopted such a healthy diet that I am rarely hungry between meals since I am eating food to fuel my body instead of eating empty crap. Conversely, even if I don't get really hungry, I have an appetite now for my meals because I eat 3 meals instead of once a day and have improved my metabolism. For the first time in a decade I am able to consistently lie down at night and go to sleep, and sleep all night till morning without troubles. My digestive problems have all but disappeared. My thighs don't rub together like they did when I walk. I don't sweat near as much, even in the sun. And I get cold...a lot And maybe one of the best changes of all...I don't have to be drunk to dance in public anymore.

100 lbs down, not that many left to go. Onward and downward! It's the Incredible Shrinking Woman! *flies away*

Earned 5 APs today: 80 min brisk walking

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