It's Delle!

Someone on the WW boards mentioned they read my blog (news to me, I didn't think anybody stopped by here aside from my best friend!), so I thought I should put a little blurb about me. I made this journal so I can keep track of the things I'm doing and how I'm thinking and feeling as I journey along the road to getting thinner. It's not intended to be written to an audience, it is honestly something I am writing to myself, and I find it so helpful to be able to look back even 4 months ago and see what kinds of things I was many of our experiences in life slip through the cracks, and I want to remember as many of them as I can in relation to my weight loss; the good, the bad, and even the oh so ugly ones!

So many people say they've struggled with their weight for years, but this is not tue for me. I've been overweight from my earliest memories, and morbidly obese all of my adult life, but I was not the type to yo-yo diet, so in that sense I was not struggling. I don't know what my highest weight was because I didn't have a scale to weigh myself when I started getting set to lose weight. In the year before I started WW I started trying to eat less junk food and to get a little activity into my routine. When I started WW I was 288 lbs and wearing a size 22, and I know the year before I was wearing a size 26 (which was tight on me), so I'm guessing I was easily in the low 300 lb-range at my highest weight.

For the first year of my weight loss journey I was incredibly focussed and motivated. I was keeping my weight loss a secret from my family back home in Newfoundland, and my goal was to surprise them on my trip home in July. Needless to say it was quite a shock to a lot of people when I showed up over 100 lbs lighter without any warning!

Right now I am getting back on track after my trip back home. I wasn't following WW for a while due to comp issues, not to mention life issues, and I've gained back some of the weight I had lost. I got away from journalling, but I'm back at it again and am using it to help me get my focus back. I also like using it to keep track of my activity, although I've not had an organised execise regime for a few months now due to an injury. I'm getting back into my activity, however, and I will be updating all my numbers soon.

As I said, I don't write in this blog with an audience in mind, but if anyone had any questions or comments on anything here, please don't hesitate to post!

BTW, the name of my blog came from a comment my supervisor at work made one day when I was in the middle of a full-blown rant about something I had to do that was infuriating me. He interrupted me and said something to the tune of, "Don't worry about it you don't have to do it. And my goodness look at you! Where are you going, everytime I see you, you're smaller! It's crazy, you're the incredible shrinking woman!!" The moment was funny and unexpected and seemed to sum up my life right now, so I came home and re-titled my blog.

Now all I need is a cape...

Sunday, December 9, 2007

No football-Sunday

I've been MIA for a couple of days. I've been really busy at work, incidently. I was supposed to be finished at 5:30pm on Friday, but we got hit with an impossible project by the district operations manager, and there was a crapload of work to get done for the next day. I stayed two extra hours and could have stayed longer, but I was knackered by that time, and they asked me if I would come in for 6am to boot, and 7:30 was late enough to stay. D and I went to RB for a pint to come down, then I came home and got a bite to eat then went on to bed. It was late enough that I didn't come online because I knew I would probably be up an extra hour at least because of it, and I knew I would regret it in the morning. As it was, I regreted more that I was having nightmares and ended up waking at about 3:30am and knew immediately that there was no way in hell I was going to sleep again and risk more. So I got up and wrote an email then got ready for work. D picked me up and we got to the store for 6am, and we didn't leave until after 4:30pm. I was pretty knackered again, but I didn't have time for anything, because F was having a fondue party, and I was going to be late. I don't know much about fondue other than it involves cheese and chocolate, so seeing that I was really really hungry when I got home, I went ahead and made supper. I figured if I went there hungry I would just want to eat tons of food that would be bad for me. I got the bus there and was about an hour late, but I felt it was worth it to have eaten. Of course no one was impressed with the fact that I was not eating the fondue stuff, and I was badgered many times to eat something. I felt guilty a lot, like my not eating was insulting, but I stood my ground and didn't let guilt waive my resolve. I got the impression they thought I was being unreasonable, and they probably think I am being too obsessive, but I really don't think they understand what it is like for me. I want to lose weight more than I want just about anything in this world. If I eat things I want to eat, I will not lose weight. I believe a lot of people who are not seriously trying to lose weight the way I am tend to think that "splurging" now and again won't affect anything. How often do they say "bah, it's just a little such and such/it's just one time, IT WON'T MAKE A DIFFERENCE". So many people like to turn it around on you and make you out as being silly and paranoid or something. I never knew how much pressure I would get sometimes to eat things. I think for some people they just want me to eat so they don't feel guilty for eating bad things. I think other times, like at this party, that people just honestly believe that having bad things just this one time won't hurt me, and they honestly want me to enjoy myself. I think they believe I am depriving myself and that I am really missing out. I don't know how to make them understand that yes I would like to be able to eat all those things, if it was magically calorie-free, but that otherwise I want to be thin ever so much more than I want to taste that food. The way I feel at the end of the week and I log a loss on the scale tastes so much better than food does. I'm making a choice to lose weight and that takes committment. In my case, it means being committed every single day. Maybe other people think I am too strict with myself, but it is my life, and my choice, and this lifestyle is what makes me happy. I really believe that my success so far has been because I stay committed every single day, and I follow WW to the letter. This is working for me and I am not changing my committment.

All right, that turned into a rant, but I'm done now. Food-pressure aside, the party was great. I had saved most of my points, so I was open to trying things, but when I got there I simply wasn't hungry, so I said I was going to wait till I was. But the thing is, we started jamming on Rock Band eventually, and I was having too much fun to be hungry. F's brother was tanked, and I thought I was going to die when he started doing this Indian dance. Then he got the mic and he would strike a pose before he would start singing, and do scissor-kicks and I thought I was going to wet myself from laughing. When we were playing, he would start acting like a groupie and catcalling and throwing clothes at us. The best thing about the night is that I got to see C up from Kentucky for the holiday. I had not seen her since two days after I started WW, last July. When I got there she couldn't stop going on about how different I look, and how drastic the weight loss has been. I had been wondering how she would react, and whether she would think I looked much thinner. I still don't feel like I look that much different at all. I was thinking that she might have been exaggerating because maybe F had told her I had lost weight, and she wanted me to feel good about myself. I only really started to believe her when hours into the night during the pause between songs, I turned to her where she was sitting next to me on the couch, and she said "you know, earlier all I could see when I looked at you was how different you look, but now when I look at you, you're just you". I think that really made it sink in that she honestly meant it. It was an awesome feeling, and I'm just that much more excited to get to goal and to go home and see my family and enjoy their reactions. I really am doing this. It really is working.

Well, I didn't get to bed till about quarter after three, and I was in no state to journal that night. I only slept about 6 hours, even being on a deficit, and today I actually took it easy and didn't exercise. It was too late at this point to get my 50 APs in for the week, since I had to work Friday and Saturday unexpectedly the way I did. I was tired and decided I needed a break. I wasn't even in the mood to watch football. I listened to music, took a long hot shower, read some, wrote another email (and I still have a couple to catch on yet!), and then set about cutting up peppers for overstock, on account of I use them every single day and it is a pain in the backside to have to cut peppers when I am hungry and wanting to eat NOW. I had a bag of green and a bag of red, and I know they take time to cut, but I had no idea it would take as long as it did. It took at least 2 1/2 hours, but at least I have a good stock of peppers, I'm hoping it will last me the week. Unfortunately the fingers on my right hand are stained pink around the fingernails from the juice. The hazards of vegetables, I guess!

Weekly summary:
Earned 29 APs
5.6 hours (340 min) total activity
5 miles (8 kms) walked
~9 FPs remaining
1.2 lbs lost

No comments: