It's Delle!

Someone on the WW boards mentioned they read my blog (news to me, I didn't think anybody stopped by here aside from my best friend!), so I thought I should put a little blurb about me. I made this journal so I can keep track of the things I'm doing and how I'm thinking and feeling as I journey along the road to getting thinner. It's not intended to be written to an audience, it is honestly something I am writing to myself, and I find it so helpful to be able to look back even 4 months ago and see what kinds of things I was many of our experiences in life slip through the cracks, and I want to remember as many of them as I can in relation to my weight loss; the good, the bad, and even the oh so ugly ones!

So many people say they've struggled with their weight for years, but this is not tue for me. I've been overweight from my earliest memories, and morbidly obese all of my adult life, but I was not the type to yo-yo diet, so in that sense I was not struggling. I don't know what my highest weight was because I didn't have a scale to weigh myself when I started getting set to lose weight. In the year before I started WW I started trying to eat less junk food and to get a little activity into my routine. When I started WW I was 288 lbs and wearing a size 22, and I know the year before I was wearing a size 26 (which was tight on me), so I'm guessing I was easily in the low 300 lb-range at my highest weight.

For the first year of my weight loss journey I was incredibly focussed and motivated. I was keeping my weight loss a secret from my family back home in Newfoundland, and my goal was to surprise them on my trip home in July. Needless to say it was quite a shock to a lot of people when I showed up over 100 lbs lighter without any warning!

Right now I am getting back on track after my trip back home. I wasn't following WW for a while due to comp issues, not to mention life issues, and I've gained back some of the weight I had lost. I got away from journalling, but I'm back at it again and am using it to help me get my focus back. I also like using it to keep track of my activity, although I've not had an organised execise regime for a few months now due to an injury. I'm getting back into my activity, however, and I will be updating all my numbers soon.

As I said, I don't write in this blog with an audience in mind, but if anyone had any questions or comments on anything here, please don't hesitate to post!

BTW, the name of my blog came from a comment my supervisor at work made one day when I was in the middle of a full-blown rant about something I had to do that was infuriating me. He interrupted me and said something to the tune of, "Don't worry about it you don't have to do it. And my goodness look at you! Where are you going, everytime I see you, you're smaller! It's crazy, you're the incredible shrinking woman!!" The moment was funny and unexpected and seemed to sum up my life right now, so I came home and re-titled my blog.

Now all I need is a cape...

Sunday, November 25, 2007

The Great Purge + 50 lb milestone = the Great Post of Nov. 25th

Never got to post last night or the night before. I ended up going to my girlfriend's house on Saturday and staying over, so no worries. Saturday was a good day, I got a reasonable amount of exercise in. DDR in the morning, and got to go for a nice river walk, which is always good.

Part I: The Great Purge

Saturday was the day of the Great Closet Purge of 2007. On Tuesday I went to a thrift store for the first time in my life and got some much needed clothes. I had to do training for work off site this week past, and that meant no uniform. I suddenly realised I really have nothing that fits anymore that's not sports wear. I especially wanted to find a pair of bluejeans, as the only pair I have left are terribly baggy and keep threatening to fall off. I also needed to look for more pants I could wear to work, as the ones I'm wearing now are also discovering how much fun it is to slip down over my hips. I tried to run to the bus stop last monday morning when I was afraid I would be too late to get my bus, and had to abort that plan halfway down the block when I just barely managed to catch my pants before they fell down past my butt cheeks. Thankfully it was still dark and my coat was long enough that no one could see my bum (albiet inside of panties), but one of my neighbours was outside with his dog and instead of making it obvious that I had to pull up my pants, I just discretely held onto the waistband where it was resting just at the hemline of my jacket, and walked sedately around the corner and out of sight and pulled them up again. For some reason I didn't want to broadcast to him that my pants almost fell off. I think that's just as amusing as almost losing my pants.

Either way the incident reinforced the idea that I need clothes that fit properly, so Tuesday I threw my day out the window, and went to the thrift store. As I said, it was my first time, and I wasn't sure what to expect. I was very very pleasantly surprised; there were tons of clothes, and lots of selection, and the clothes were in excellent condition. I had read other women's accounts of how they get overcome by a kind of craziness upon shopping in a thrift store for the first time and find themselves surrounded by so much possibility and cheapness, but I arrogantly thought I would be immune to this phenomena. Turns out I can be wrong sometimes (only sometimes) and I did actually find myself the victim of Thrift Store Virgin Mania. I spent almost 3 hours there, tried on half the clothing in the store (or so it felt like) and bought about one quarter of it (or so it felt like). It was a little depressing to see how there was still such little selection in the sizes over 18, and I wasn't able to get a suitable pair of bluejeans because what they had did not fit me properly, but I did get lots of other things that will be very useful. I got an awesome pair of dark jeans which are pretty dressy, and I was actually able to wear them to one of my training days, incidently with a white collar shirt that I had bought a few years ago when it was on sale, and have never been able to wear once because it was forever too small. Well it certainly fits now, and I felt like a million bucks in it. When I showed up for training, F complimented me which of course inspired me to do a runway walk and spin and show off, which she appreciated more than the outfit even (was the outfit I was wearing when I journalled on Thursday looking so fine). I got some clothes I can wear now, and I got more clothes that I will shrink into. There was one shirt in particular that I might not be able to wear until a lot closer to goal, but it was a beautiful top, and I absolutely fell in love with it and had to buy it so I could fit into it someday. It was so exciting to be trying on shirts that are XL and L, and having some of them actually fit me!!! I ended up spending $139, and got 5 pairs of pants and 15 shirts. That was a lot of money for me to shell out at one time with my budget, but I need clothes, and this way I won't have to buy much of anything till the spring, I expect, save maybe a pair of jeans. I even got a pair of pants I will be able to wear to work in another month or two. Got a really nice pair of size 16 slacks that will be suitable for dressy ocassions. I love the thrift store!!!!!!!

The problem is that with all my "new" clothes, I had no where to put them, and I decided that Saturday would be the day of the Great Purge in order to make room for them. Back when I first started WW, there was a Great Purge going on around the boards, and I remember reading about it, and thinking about how hard it is for me to throw things away, especially clothes! I knew it would be a long time before I needed to, but it was still exciting to imagine being able to wear smaller sizes. There have been times in the past when I have gone down a little in weight, but I have never thrown the larger clothes away, and always ended up fitting back into them again. This is the first time I have gone about losing weight in a serious way, and I knew from the get go that I would need to be strong, and to get rid of my oversized clothing when the time came. Last summer when I contemplated it, it seemed like a wonderful, positive thing, and I didn't think it would be hard aside from getting over my pack-rat tendency to hoard useless things. But the reality of it was a lot harder than I had expected. When I was reading posts from the Great WW Purge last summer on the boards, women were saying it was bittersweet, and I didn't understand that at all. I thought it would be a celebration of one's accomplishments!! It was for that very reason that I planned my own Great Purge for when I did, because I thought it would be an axciting, happy occassion. In truth, it was actually hard in many ways, and I was actually feeling some sadness over taking all these clothes out of my closet to get rid of. Aside from trying not to think about all the "money" I was getting rid of, I realised how attached I was to some of my clothing. My problem has been that I've always been poor, and have had to work hard to buy the things I do. I've never had a lot of clothes, and yes, I have been attached to the few nice things I've had. It was hard to look at them and know I am getting rid of them. Definitely bittersweet!

Despite the anxiety and bittersweetness of it all (yes, that is a word. I just invented it) I did go through all my clothes and make two piles; one for the bin and one for charity. In order to make it a more positive experience and to cheer myself up, I also tried on almost every article of clothing before tossing it, and went to look in the mirror. It was exciting to see that these clothes are so baggy on me now, and it really helped me be able to get rid of them, because even tho it looks so nice on the hanger and I love it, when I actually try it on, it really doesn't look very good anymore, because it does not fit me well at all. I'm glad I took the time to do that because it helped reinforce my accomplishments in my mind, and my reasons for doing it in the first place.

Unfortunately, the Great Closet Purge got interrupted ere the conclusion, because F called on her way from work and told me she was coming to pick me up to bring me to her place. I had to leave my flat looking like a disaster zone because I only had 10 min to get ready. I did however take the time to put the rubbish clothes into a bag and bring them downstairs with me to throw in the dumpster, as a way of finalising the Purge. The clothes for charity are still folded and in a number of piles on my DDR mat at the moment, but I just need to put them in a bag till I can get them off to someone who can use them. I had hoped to do a thorough housecleaning afterward, as I pulled a lot of other stuff out of the closet and left it all over in addition to the mess that has been the result of a chaotic week with no time put into cleaning (hence the disaster zone), but alas and alack, it all got abandoned in favour of the pursuit of fun and happiness and Rock Band playing. When we got to F's, the boys were already there and jamming, and eventually we joined in. F did some singing, and they stuck me on drums. I actually acquitted myself rather well, if I do say so myself, tho not as well as they were making it out to be I think. After a few hours I switched to singing, as I had trouble following the screen and I was getting clumsy. Drumming (even on fake drums) really does take a lot out of you physically! The bass pedel in particular is taxing on the leg...I thought after "Run to the Hills" by Iron Maiden that I was going to have a charley horse, but I managed to survive it. It hurts, but this game is so much fun you don't care at all.

On Sunday, I did some calculating with the online tracker, and settled on Special K and eggs for breakfast. F and L made supper, and I didn't worry about counting points, because I had almost all my FPs left, as well as a lot of my DPs. We had fajitas, and I made sure to use only a hint of cheese, and to use way more vegetables than beef. I also avoided the sour cream, even tho it was low fat. F got whole wheat pitas for she and I to use, and I had one pita with beef stir fry, and half a one with chicken. Ohh, sometimes I forget just how good meat actually tastes! They always feed me well when I'm over there. We jammed again Sunday evening, and I ended up not getting home till after midnight, but I honestly had an obscene amount of fun playing with the guys and it was worth missing out on exercising and housecleaning in order to have some fun for once! It's a good thing I don't have Rock Band myself, or I probably wouldn't exercise or eat or sleep for that matter. Sometimes it's good to be! I had not hung out at F's house since before I started WW, which is just insane, I loved being able to hang out and have a good time. My life has been a whole lot of work and exercise and sadly scarce on fun and good times. Hopefully I can go jam with the gang again this weekend, I would love to be able to do that! We've all been so busy, I need to remember that working fun and relaxation into my week is just as important as working the exercise in there.

Part II: 50 lb milestone

I had a great WI that put me at the 50 lb lost mark, or so I am saying, since I was only off the scale by .2 and I had water before I weighed, so that's definitely close enough for government work!

50 pounds lost!!! 50 POUNDS!!!! WHOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I almost can't believe I've gotten this far already! The time has gone in a blink, it is almost scary. When I think how in less than a year I could be at goal, it just fills me with squee and glee! I'm almost halfway there!

One of the best parts is realising how awesome it is that I started when I did. If I had put it off, and kept waiting, I would still have so much farther to go. But I started and worked hard and here I am at 50 pounds gone and feeling great!

My contemplations/accomplishments/highlights/whatnot of the first 50:

  • I've definitely had my eyes opened as to just how unhealthy I was living before, in terms of the way I used to eat. I would eat one enormous meal a day, and the amount of calories I would consume in that meal would probably last me a week on WW. The thing is, the food I was eating never used to seem THAT bad to me a lot of the times, I thought it was just the junk food doing it mostly. Turns out it was definitely both!

  • Losing weight is doing wonders for my feelings of self-efficacy. With every week I have success, I have become more confident in who I am, and in my ability to reach my goals. Success definitely breeds success, I am living the proof of that! I can actually work toward something and achieve it! I still can't apply it uniformly across the board to everything I do, but I am learning to!

  • I've developed a great pride in myself and what I am doing. Not the flashy, in-your-face kind of pride, but the personal, quiet kind of pride that I carry inside me and just lights up everything I do. I don't hide that I am losing weight, but the only ones I really talk about it with are my close friends. I'm not boastful, but I am still proud. I do talk to my close friends about my accomplishments, and I feel good about that. I love not being constantly ashamed about how I look and how I live. I love being able to tell people that I am eating healthy and exercising. I love being able to order food around other people, and grocery shop with others, and not be the least bit embarrassed. Being proud is deinfitely something I am NOT used to!
  • I actually get cold now! When I bought clothes, I bought LONG SLEEVE SHIRTS!!! I turn the heat on in my flat!!! Since when have I ever felt cold it it wasn't 26 below zero???

  • I've introduced activity and exercise into my life, and I have made it a priority. I don't know which I am more pleased with; the fact that I'm able to exercise, or the fact that I have actually made it a priority. I worried that I might start off well, but then would slack on it, but as the weeks have gone by, I've only started doing more instead of less. I've started to contemplate introducing running to my exercise regime as well. That's still in the future at this point, but it is becoming something I seriously want to be able to do.

  • I have lost 7 inches off my waist alone. Earlier this week I was feeling down for no reason and took my measurement. Then I went back and got the tape and measured it out to my initial size, then looped it around myself to actually see what 7 inches works out to, because it is apparently impossible for me to visualise it in my head. I was astonished at how much that tape stretched around me! I felt I could almost hula-hoop with it! Extremely motivating!

  • I have discovered I have collar bones and a ribcage, after both scared me with their presence. It is definitely a frightening experience to be distracted and to suddenly be aware of something hard and protruding that you never noticed before. The ribs in particular had me freaking for 5 minutes, trying to figure out why I was swollen or distended in my chestal area. I am looking forward to more scary moments of "What the heck is THIS?!?!?!?!" followed by meeting another body part for the first time.
There's probably more I want to say about all this, but I think that's lots for now. The journal will still be there tomorrow, and the day after, and so on. I'm just very tired and content. I will post last week's summary...definitely my lowest amount of APs yet, but I'm not beating myself up over it. I need to take care of myself, and sometimes that will mean taking time for me that doesn't involve sweating and burning calories. Well, not in a meticulous, calculated way, anyway ;)

Weekly summary:
Earned 28 APs
5.8 hours (250 min) total activity
10.5 miles (16.9 kms) walked
? FPs remaining
1.8 lbs lost

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