It's Delle!

Someone on the WW boards mentioned they read my blog (news to me, I didn't think anybody stopped by here aside from my best friend!), so I thought I should put a little blurb about me. I made this journal so I can keep track of the things I'm doing and how I'm thinking and feeling as I journey along the road to getting thinner. It's not intended to be written to an audience, it is honestly something I am writing to myself, and I find it so helpful to be able to look back even 4 months ago and see what kinds of things I was many of our experiences in life slip through the cracks, and I want to remember as many of them as I can in relation to my weight loss; the good, the bad, and even the oh so ugly ones!

So many people say they've struggled with their weight for years, but this is not tue for me. I've been overweight from my earliest memories, and morbidly obese all of my adult life, but I was not the type to yo-yo diet, so in that sense I was not struggling. I don't know what my highest weight was because I didn't have a scale to weigh myself when I started getting set to lose weight. In the year before I started WW I started trying to eat less junk food and to get a little activity into my routine. When I started WW I was 288 lbs and wearing a size 22, and I know the year before I was wearing a size 26 (which was tight on me), so I'm guessing I was easily in the low 300 lb-range at my highest weight.

For the first year of my weight loss journey I was incredibly focussed and motivated. I was keeping my weight loss a secret from my family back home in Newfoundland, and my goal was to surprise them on my trip home in July. Needless to say it was quite a shock to a lot of people when I showed up over 100 lbs lighter without any warning!

Right now I am getting back on track after my trip back home. I wasn't following WW for a while due to comp issues, not to mention life issues, and I've gained back some of the weight I had lost. I got away from journalling, but I'm back at it again and am using it to help me get my focus back. I also like using it to keep track of my activity, although I've not had an organised execise regime for a few months now due to an injury. I'm getting back into my activity, however, and I will be updating all my numbers soon.

As I said, I don't write in this blog with an audience in mind, but if anyone had any questions or comments on anything here, please don't hesitate to post!

BTW, the name of my blog came from a comment my supervisor at work made one day when I was in the middle of a full-blown rant about something I had to do that was infuriating me. He interrupted me and said something to the tune of, "Don't worry about it you don't have to do it. And my goodness look at you! Where are you going, everytime I see you, you're smaller! It's crazy, you're the incredible shrinking woman!!" The moment was funny and unexpected and seemed to sum up my life right now, so I came home and re-titled my blog.

Now all I need is a cape...

Wednesday, October 22, 2008

Stillness of a different quality

I woke up today wanting to lift, but I ended the day not having done it. I got caught up with doing stuff on the comp, and the next thing I knew the afternoon was gone and I had to get my walk in before dark. I want to have enough time to go over what exercises I will do in my new regime, as I'm still not exactly sure which ones I will be using. I also have one of those swiss balls or whatever they're called, but I've not had a chance to use it yet, and I want to puruse the DVD that came with it.

In the end, I'm not disappointed that I didn't actually lift, but instead I'm thrilled that I wanted to. Today was a great day, I felt focussed and in control. I had cravings and such, but I was able to stay strong without having to struggle to do so. I love feeling like I am getting my mojo back, I want to see the scale moving down again, and I want to end my days happy with the choices I made.

The thought ocurred to me while I was walking this evening that even tho I put about 15 lbs back on again, there were still some positives to the last few months and the time I spent off plan. The last year I've been literally almost constantly preoccupied with losing weight, to the point of obsession. I knew that I was obsessed, but I chose to just go with it because I also knew it was a temporay thing. My main goal was to lose as much as I could before my trip home in July, it had never been my intention to maintain that kind of intensity forever. Nonetheless, despite knowing I was working toward an end point and was not meaning to go on as I was indefinitely, I was still left out of sorts and directionless after I got back from my trip. I never really thought too specifically about what came after, and as a result I really struggled when I tried to find a groove to get back into. It of course did not help that I had spent two weeks not tracking, eating various foods, and not exercising. The consequences were that I ended up slipping completely off plan, but in getting back on track I am finding that I am no longer obsessed with losing weight, and that somewhere in the last few months I have adjusted to being in this new body. It's starting to feel natural and more real to me than it did before the trip. I still want to lose more weight and get to my goal, but it's not consuming my every waking thought, it's not a constant worry. The race is over, so to speak, now that the trip is done, and I'm not feeling pressured by time. Now is where I need to settle more into a lifestyle, and find a routine and a groove that will work for me for now on. It's almost as tho I need to prepare to maintain, even tho I had a ways to go before I reach goal. Despite not being OP the past couple of months, I still think I learned some things about what it is like to just live this lifestyle without constantly thinking about it. It gave me a chance to think about other things and get some distance from the frenzied obsessed me I had been for the past year. I've had my struggles in getting back on track the past week or two, but I am enjoying the sense of calm I am feeling right now. I want to get more of my focus, but I also want to maintain this sense of calm, and to refrain from becoming obsessed all over again. I knew that was temporary, so let now be about finding a new headspace that I can embrace and go forward with.

Earned 5 APs today: 80 min brisk walking

1 comment:

Crabby McSlacker said...

Wow, you have such an inspiring story, and it's great you're getting your mojo back.

And it's a rare day when I ever wake up wanting to lift. OK, let's say never. Sounds like a great sign even if you didn't get the chance.