I've gone another long stretch without posting, so now I'm going to try something completely radical...posting earlier in the day!
Well okay, so maybe it's not THAT radical of a concept, but I have always and forever posted here at the end of the day. I wanted to keep that up (did I mention I can be resistent to change??), mostly because I felt it would help me get back into my old routine.
So here I am finally admitting that the old routine is dead and in the past and that I need to mourn it and think of it kindly because it served me so well...and then move on.
Right now my priority is getting a routine back, period. I have said a few times that my life is different now than it had been over the year I was losing the majority of the weight, but I suppose I have not truly appreciated just HOW different my life is. In some ways I actually have a lot more time on my hands, but at the same time there are some very different factors. Not being employed means I can structure my day however I want, but it also means that I am feeling too demotivated and depressed to want to do anything with my day at all. I also find that I have a tiny bit of a social life, so while before my evenings were always spent at home if I wasn't working, now I find myself with plans a lot of evenings, which has been one of the main reasons that my whole comfortable routine of writing in my journal at the end of the day no longer works for me. Add in that I like to write about what I did, and I've not been successful at doing much of anything lately, and the end result is no journalling at all.
I've struggled with it, but I am still so much of a perfectionist that it often hampers me and reaching my goals. The thing I don't like about writing early in the day is that I'll probably spell out all my goals and things I want to accomplish that day, which is awesome, but what happens if I slack off and don't do any of them?? That means the next day I'll have to admit to that. It is easier to say what you've done at the end of the day then to say what you want to do, because in one you're just reporting, but in the other you're actually committing yourself *cue scary music* How terrifying that I might actually have to follow through on something...I might fail! Then I'll look like a failure! And feel like a failure! And probably actually BE a failure!! Ohh, the woe!
But then I suppose there is an alterative to all the scariness..I suppose I could just write without actually going crazy on spelling out all the wonderful productive things I'm going to do with my day, and instead just play it by ear. Tho admittedly, it wouldn't hurt me to make a few small committments, and then stick to them. Today I had been planning to eat completely OP, but a big part of me would also like to try to get some activity in, mainly because I have been battling insomnia again, and sweating more during my day will very likely make it less difficult for me to fall asleep at night. I'm just not sure how to go about it; I was getting into a groove over this past month of getting back into activity, and I was starting to log some great regular time on my elliptical and was getting into a routine with it, when the damn thing broke, and I need to find a new bolt for one of the steps someplace because the old one is stripped. I was honestly very pissed when this happened, because walks aren't much of an option for me right now, and I loved having the option to get high intensity cardio right here at home.
But whatever, I'll get that sorted when I can, I'll have to figure out something else to do. It's a beautiful winter's day out (read, cloudy and snowing...mmm!), and I'm going to make the most of it...non-specifically!
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