The incredible shrinking woman!: But I would not feel so all alone..everybody must get stoned

It's Delle!

Someone on the WW boards mentioned they read my blog (news to me, I didn't think anybody stopped by here aside from my best friend!), so I thought I should put a little blurb about me. I made this journal so I can keep track of the things I'm doing and how I'm thinking and feeling as I journey along the road to getting thinner. It's not intended to be written to an audience, it is honestly something I am writing to myself, and I find it so helpful to be able to look back even 4 months ago and see what kinds of things I was experiencing...so many of our experiences in life slip through the cracks, and I want to remember as many of them as I can in relation to my weight loss; the good, the bad, and even the oh so ugly ones!

So many people say they've struggled with their weight for years, but this is not tue for me. I've been overweight from my earliest memories, and morbidly obese all of my adult life, but I was not the type to yo-yo diet, so in that sense I was not struggling. I don't know what my highest weight was because I didn't have a scale to weigh myself when I started getting set to lose weight. In the year before I started WW I started trying to eat less junk food and to get a little activity into my routine. When I started WW I was 288 lbs and wearing a size 22, and I know the year before I was wearing a size 26 (which was tight on me), so I'm guessing I was easily in the low 300 lb-range at my highest weight.

For the first year of my weight loss journey I was incredibly focussed and motivated. I was keeping my weight loss a secret from my family back home in Newfoundland, and my goal was to surprise them on my trip home in July. Needless to say it was quite a shock to a lot of people when I showed up over 100 lbs lighter without any warning!

Right now I am getting back on track after my trip back home. I wasn't following WW for a while due to comp issues, not to mention life issues, and I've gained back some of the weight I had lost. I got away from journalling, but I'm back at it again and am using it to help me get my focus back. I also like using it to keep track of my activity, although I've not had an organised execise regime for a few months now due to an injury. I'm getting back into my activity, however, and I will be updating all my numbers soon.

As I said, I don't write in this blog with an audience in mind, but if anyone had any questions or comments on anything here, please don't hesitate to post!

BTW, the name of my blog came from a comment my supervisor at work made one day when I was in the middle of a full-blown rant about something I had to do that was infuriating me. He interrupted me and said something to the tune of, "Don't worry about it you don't have to do it. And my goodness look at you! Where are you going, everytime I see you, you're smaller! It's crazy, you're the incredible shrinking woman!!" The moment was funny and unexpected and seemed to sum up my life right now, so I came home and re-titled my blog.

Now all I need is a cape...

Thursday, October 2, 2008

But I would not feel so all alone..everybody must get stoned

I am definitely not in a good way, I'm just not sure how much of a role hormones might be playing. I've very certainly been depressed, I just didn't feel it so much yesterday because I had company most of the day. I couldn't escape it today when I woke up wanting only for it to be night so I could go back to sleep. My first thoughts after that were of food and what I would like to eat for the day, none of it green or healthy in any sense. I know I had my down times over the past year, but I was On Plan and I was able to ride it out. It's so difficult to get back on track when I have no morale for anything right now. Despite how terrible I'm feeling I still had a few victories today. I stayed in bed half the day, and didn't want to get out, but eventually I forced myself out and got some cereal, then did my job search work. I'm glad of that, because that is the most important thing I need to do everyday. I did it thoroughly and only then did I allow myself to take a nice relaxing bath like I'd wanted to do. I also did some other things that needed to be done, and cleaned the kitchen. When I get depressed I usually let the housework go, so I'm happy that I'm keeping on top of the cleaning more or less. The bathroom needs a scrubbing again already, probably because I've been taking baths on top of the showers I normally have lately. I also did a few batches of baking tonight before I made supper, which needed to be done because my bananas were on the verge of going over and I'd been putting it off. I'll freeze what I made tonight and tomorrow I'll bake what's left to keep fo fresh. I went out shopping because I wanted to stock up on peppers while they were on sale, and I walked all around the store for a much longer time than was necessary, looking all the foods I wanted to buy, and particularly all the junk. I'd made up my mind to buy hamburgers and potatoe chips and cookies and ice cream, I'd had the brands and the types all picked out, but in the end I resisted, although I did end up buying some chocolate for dessert tonight, but all things considered I am still calling that one a victory. Things are so hard right now, everything seems so hard, maybe I should look back over my journal and remind myself a bit of how it was like before, because it feels like things were easy before but now everything is a struggle. I used to be so disciplined, I want to get that back and start feeling good again. I can't control the job or the money situation directly, this is the one thing I can actively control. It would do me good to feel like my efforts are resulting in tangible results for once, because for weeks now I've felt like I've been accomplishing a whole lot of nothing, despite all my effort.