It's Delle!

Someone on the WW boards mentioned they read my blog (news to me, I didn't think anybody stopped by here aside from my best friend!), so I thought I should put a little blurb about me. I made this journal so I can keep track of the things I'm doing and how I'm thinking and feeling as I journey along the road to getting thinner. It's not intended to be written to an audience, it is honestly something I am writing to myself, and I find it so helpful to be able to look back even 4 months ago and see what kinds of things I was experiencing...so many of our experiences in life slip through the cracks, and I want to remember as many of them as I can in relation to my weight loss; the good, the bad, and even the oh so ugly ones!

So many people say they've struggled with their weight for years, but this is not tue for me. I've been overweight from my earliest memories, and morbidly obese all of my adult life, but I was not the type to yo-yo diet, so in that sense I was not struggling. I don't know what my highest weight was because I didn't have a scale to weigh myself when I started getting set to lose weight. In the year before I started WW I started trying to eat less junk food and to get a little activity into my routine. When I started WW I was 288 lbs and wearing a size 22, and I know the year before I was wearing a size 26 (which was tight on me), so I'm guessing I was easily in the low 300 lb-range at my highest weight.

For the first year of my weight loss journey I was incredibly focussed and motivated. I was keeping my weight loss a secret from my family back home in Newfoundland, and my goal was to surprise them on my trip home in July. Needless to say it was quite a shock to a lot of people when I showed up over 100 lbs lighter without any warning!

Right now I am getting back on track after my trip back home. I wasn't following WW for a while due to comp issues, not to mention life issues, and I've gained back some of the weight I had lost. I got away from journalling, but I'm back at it again and am using it to help me get my focus back. I also like using it to keep track of my activity, although I've not had an organised execise regime for a few months now due to an injury. I'm getting back into my activity, however, and I will be updating all my numbers soon.

As I said, I don't write in this blog with an audience in mind, but if anyone had any questions or comments on anything here, please don't hesitate to post!

BTW, the name of my blog came from a comment my supervisor at work made one day when I was in the middle of a full-blown rant about something I had to do that was infuriating me. He interrupted me and said something to the tune of, "Don't worry about it you don't have to do it. And my goodness look at you! Where are you going, everytime I see you, you're smaller! It's crazy, you're the incredible shrinking woman!!" The moment was funny and unexpected and seemed to sum up my life right now, so I came home and re-titled my blog.

Now all I need is a cape...

Tuesday, October 23, 2007

My reasons

I've been struggling a little lately, one of the rare times I have since I started. I'm under stress at work, and going through some stuff there. It's been a little hard the past few days to find energy and morale, and I think this is a marvelous time for me to remind myself why I want this and why I have been working so hard. Back early on, I sat down and made a list off the top of my head of what I wanted to get out of this, and I think this is a good day to revisit my list.

My reasons for wanting to lose weight (in no particular order):

I want to look in the mirror and smile.
I want to love myself.
I want to feel attractive and sexy.
I want to see that I can (and do!) have control over my life.
I want to hold my head high.
I want to be proud.
I want to look at thin girls and not hang my head/avert my eyes
I want to feel comfortable when I'm out in public.
I want to not feel that people are talking about me in a negative way.
I want to not feel that people are disgusted when they look at me.
I want to stop constantly being self-conscious about my body.
I want to be able to lose myself in the moment.
I want to stop wondering about what life would be like if I were thin.
I want to feel at ease in my own skin and the space I occupy in this world.
I want to stop feeling so wistful when I look at thin girls.
I want to lose the sense of self-loathing I feel when I think about how I have created my reality.
I want to make my mum and my family proud.
I want to not stand out so much wherever I go.
I want to feel like I can do anything.
I want people to stop blaming me.
I want to stop blaming myself.
I want to stop thinking about how it's my fault.
I want to experience what it's like.
I want to shop for clothes and not feel dread/shame/embarrassment/self-loathing/wistfullness/hate/helplessness.
I want to feel normal.
I want to be meet the parts of my body I have not met yet.
I want to stop feeling disapproval from everyone around me.
I want to look forward to people seeing/meeting me for the first time.
I want to fit in.
I want to walk without my thighs rubbing together.
I want to do what I want and not feel so constrained.
I want to stop worrying so much.
I want to like who I am on the outside the same as on the inside.
I want to feel I have accomplished something big.
I want to stop feeling like a failure.
I want to stop feeling like there's a spotlight on me.
I want to be able to eat in public without anxiety.
I want to exercise without feeling like I'm going to collapse.
I want to sit on the bus/plane and not feel so self-conscious.
I want to stop blaming it on my weight.
I want to make my dream come true.
I want to be able to be naked in front of someone and not be mortified with myself.
I want to be able to be naked in front of me and not be mortified!
I want to have more energy.
I want to not sweat so much.
I want to wear nice (sexy!) clothes.
I want to pay less.
I want to do more.
I want to dance without fear, and feel sexy while I do.
I want I want to love life.
I want to live longer.
I want to have more opportunities.
I want to eat without feeling guilty.
I want to not hold back.
I want to stop feeling envious.
I want to stop feeling jealousy.
I want to stop feeling hate.
I want to stop wondering.
I want to believe in me.
I want to have faith.
I want to show him what he's missing.

Earned 7 APs today: 20 min brisk walking, 60 min DDR

so says delle at 9:38 PM

2 comments:

M said...

I want to hug you.
I want to support you.
I want to encourage you.
I want you to know I love you, always.
I want you to focus on the positive changes, the positive commitments and the positive feelings.
I want you to know you are successful.
I want what you want.

October 23, 2007 at 10:11 PM
butterfly said...

your list is absolutely fantastic! You're definitely being added to my blogroll! Congratulations on reaching a 100 lb loss! You're an inspiration!
I came across your blog going through other peoples blogrolls. Am I ever glad I did. Congratulations to you!!!!

June 26, 2008 at 11:04 AM

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