It's Delle!

Someone on the WW boards mentioned they read my blog (news to me, I didn't think anybody stopped by here aside from my best friend!), so I thought I should put a little blurb about me. I made this journal so I can keep track of the things I'm doing and how I'm thinking and feeling as I journey along the road to getting thinner. It's not intended to be written to an audience, it is honestly something I am writing to myself, and I find it so helpful to be able to look back even 4 months ago and see what kinds of things I was many of our experiences in life slip through the cracks, and I want to remember as many of them as I can in relation to my weight loss; the good, the bad, and even the oh so ugly ones!

So many people say they've struggled with their weight for years, but this is not tue for me. I've been overweight from my earliest memories, and morbidly obese all of my adult life, but I was not the type to yo-yo diet, so in that sense I was not struggling. I don't know what my highest weight was because I didn't have a scale to weigh myself when I started getting set to lose weight. In the year before I started WW I started trying to eat less junk food and to get a little activity into my routine. When I started WW I was 288 lbs and wearing a size 22, and I know the year before I was wearing a size 26 (which was tight on me), so I'm guessing I was easily in the low 300 lb-range at my highest weight.

For the first year of my weight loss journey I was incredibly focussed and motivated. I was keeping my weight loss a secret from my family back home in Newfoundland, and my goal was to surprise them on my trip home in July. Needless to say it was quite a shock to a lot of people when I showed up over 100 lbs lighter without any warning!

Right now I am getting back on track after my trip back home. I wasn't following WW for a while due to comp issues, not to mention life issues, and I've gained back some of the weight I had lost. I got away from journalling, but I'm back at it again and am using it to help me get my focus back. I also like using it to keep track of my activity, although I've not had an organised execise regime for a few months now due to an injury. I'm getting back into my activity, however, and I will be updating all my numbers soon.

As I said, I don't write in this blog with an audience in mind, but if anyone had any questions or comments on anything here, please don't hesitate to post!

BTW, the name of my blog came from a comment my supervisor at work made one day when I was in the middle of a full-blown rant about something I had to do that was infuriating me. He interrupted me and said something to the tune of, "Don't worry about it you don't have to do it. And my goodness look at you! Where are you going, everytime I see you, you're smaller! It's crazy, you're the incredible shrinking woman!!" The moment was funny and unexpected and seemed to sum up my life right now, so I came home and re-titled my blog.

Now all I need is a cape...

Thursday, October 18, 2007

There once was a girl named delle..

..who had been overweight for as long as she could remember.

I call myself codelle, I'm currently 28 and live in Ontario. Is that my real name? No, it is not. I keep my identity private, mostly because I am keeping my weightloss journey a secret from my family, and I don't want them to find out about it before I choose to reveal it to them. Not using my real name doesn't mean that anything I say is not the complete and utter truth.

I've started this blog because it is important to me to start tracking my weightloss journey. I've already come so far and I feel that the experiences and thoughts I am having are worth recording, to look back on later. I have a strong interest in being able to look back on where I have come from, and in remembering as much as I can about the experiences I have had. I better understand the person I am now by comparing who I have become to who I was. Sometimes we only recognise change through the process of comparison.

I've not had an easy life, nor a particularly happy one. At the same time, I have much to be thankful for, and many good memories. I've been overweight more or less my whole life, but I have still have friends and people who care about me for who I am. Most of my misery has not come from without, from how people treat me, but from within myself, from my perceptions of myself and the people around me. Just as I have been overweight as long as I can remember, I have also carried within me the longing to change, to look different, to be someone else. For all of my troubled teen years I believed that being thin would result in being happy. As I entered my 20s, however, I came to realise that happiness should not be dependent on the shape of my body, and that even if I were to drop 100 lbs, I would still carry many of the issues that were contributing to my unhappiness and depression. I started to accept that it was my lot to be overweight, and to work on being as happy as I could be in spite of it. It was not an easy or a short process, and it has taken me years to get to a point where I am comfortable with who I am, and to not only tolerate myself, but to actually like me for me. Instead of viewing weightloss as the solution to my problems, I adopted the view that I should solve my problems before I tackle the weightloss. Finally, some 3-odd months ago, I realised the time was right for me to finally start working on the outside of me, after all the years I have spent working on the inside. No, my life isn't perfect, and I still have issues, but I think it is unrealistic to think I will ever get to a point where my life is perfect. It is normal that we have some issues to work on, and things we want to change. As we live, we grow and change and develop. I have come a long way, and now it is time to see how things will change for me as I work on becoming a thinner, healthier me!

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