A break from the cold

The wind died down today and the cold wasn't so cold, so I decided to walk to the good grocery 45 min or so away from here and stock up on veggies and other necessary perishables. It actually worked out really well. This is the first time I've walked there for necessaries, but I have these great bags with cloth handles that they sell at the grocery and I figured I might as well give it a try. Plastic bags are a pain when carrying a lot and/or going any distance. I filled two brimful plus my backpack and got the bus back home. I was even able to transfer onto the second bus that would take me to my block, otherwise I would still have had a 10 min walk. In the beginning I thought maybe I could even have avoided buses altogether, but I'm glad I didn't try to walk home, I realised it would have been too hard when I came back from the busstop, I was happy to put the bags down and rest my hands as it was. I love the feeling of being stocked with food and having the things I love to eat available in my kitchen!!!

I tried my new yoga DVD today for the first time. I had guessed it would be hard and I wasn't wrong, but I still did better than I had expected I would. I got through about 30 min and had to give up, not able to figure out what I was supposed to be doing and feeling the strain. I need a proper mat, my feet were slipping and I was very distracted by having to keep shifting so I wouldn't lose them out from under me. When I get a mat I'm going to try doing the DVD once a week to start off with, and to see how that goes for me. If I don't get crippled up too bad, I'll step it up to twice a week, probably Monday (or Tuesdays) and Thursdays.

The scale is still up, but I've not given up hope that I might show a loss this week. I'll be interested to see where it's showing tomorrow.

Earned 14 APs today: 50 min brisk walking, 30 min yoga, 50 min elliptical

A Harry Potter day

I didn't go out for needed veggies today, it was too cold and windy to be walking from the grocery with bags. I made do with what I have, but I will have to go out tomorrow to get a couple of things. I'm out of milk after tonight, and I'm unhappy knowing I'll either have to go out before breakfast, or make do without my beloved branflakes. This is a good time to try the wonderful oatmeal M brought for me, I guess I've gotten a little obsessed with my branflakes, almost to the point of superstition if I don't have them. I might have to get some counselling for this unhealthy attachment I seem to be forming. Not that strange considering I've never had what I would qualify as a normal relationship in all my life. Perhaps the therapist would tell me the branflakes are being smothered and that I need to give them some distance. Perhaps the therapist would tell me I'm in a strange mood tonight.

Earned 14 APs today: 30 min walk aerobics (2-mile), 60 min free weights, 50 min elliptical

A naughty nice girl

How I wish I could go to sleep right now, but I've just had supper about 20 min ago and I have to try and digest it some before I go to bed. I hate having to eat so late! I didn't even exercise tonight because by the time I got home from work (I got called in) I was starving and it was 10:30 and I didn't want to make it have to wait an additional hour. I can't help but wonder tho whether being awake for an hour or two will actually help digestion if all you're doing is sitting there...I mean, how is just sitting typing on the comp any different than laying and sleeping. Does it really make a difference? I only know that the scale is showing me up up up, and I'm wondering if I've finally found my way onto a plateau. But I have thought that twice before that I recall, and I was wrong both times, so maybe this is another false alarm. No matter, as with the other times I will wait and see before I start fiddling with things. Things have been off for me lately, and could very likely be affecting the scale.

Not cold for once

I wish I had been done supper and this tired at 8:20 LAST night! Oh well, at least I don't have anything important to do. I was going to write an email (still so woefully behind!) but I'm rather brain dead at the moment. Full of yummy supper and all fuzzy-headed. It just occurs to me that this is probably because it is warm in my flat; the temp has gone mild and it is hot here with the heat on. I think I shall turn it off and get out my knitting. I haven't touched it in months and I want to finish it ASAP for E who is going on maternity in a couple of weeks. Perfect night for it, as I'm not going to be exercising tonight. My neck and shoulders are very stiff and sore today, ouchie!

Sunday

I am proud to say that I will be getting to bed by 10pm tonight. That is still too late for a Sunday, but it is ever so much better than I have been doing. It was so strange not having football today to dictate my schedule. I've finished the week with a record high amount of FPs. I got a goodly amount of activity in, but most importantly, I did 40 min of high intensity on the elliptical. 40 MINUTES HIGH INTENSITY!!!! I keep having these moments of doubt where I think I must not be actually doing high intensity, because surely I couldn't maintain it for 40 minutes without dying, but I am actually doing it! Afterward my legs felt rather jelly-like for a little while, and when I took off my socks they felt so heavy that it ocurred to me that I might actually be able to wring them out and I actually was able to! I laughed and celebrated, I see that as a huge NSV! I can exercise to such a degree that I can wring out my damn socks! I can do 40 min high intensity exercise! I can do 40 min of high intensity exercise AFTER doing 30 min aerobics and then 60 min strength training! Dammit, I feel incredible!!!

Earned 14 APs today: 30 min walk aerobics (2-mile), 60 min free weights, 50 min elliptical

Weekly summary:
Earned 56 APs
8.3 hours (495 min) total activity
6 miles (9.7 kms) walked
32.5 FPs remaining
0.6 lb gain
Current weight: 221.4

"Now..now..now..now..now.."

Oh, Genesis..I do love that song.

Today was basically a write-off. I was not OP because I did not eat enough food. I didn't exercise either. I was up super late last night and needed a nap this afternoon. I didn't get anything 'accomplished' and I really could care less. I had a couple of friends over tonight and it was JUST what I needed to get my mind off things. I've been so distracted this week, a dear friend is going through some troubles and I've had a lot on my mind. Tonight was a wonderful distraction, and I'm not bothered by not following any kind of routine today. I showed my first real gain at WI this week, probably owing to having supper so late last night, and to introducing a new kind of exercise this week. Also maybe have something to do with no exercise last week and all the excesses last weekend, although I will note that I didn't go over my points. I'm disappointed but not upset, I will get there sooner or later, this is not an indication of anything important, I will just keep on keeping on.

Silence defeats me

I'm sitting here listening to the clocks tick. I feel a lot like this silent room tonight. I feel like an empty space waiting to be filled with sounds. I've been within myself to varying degrees since last weekend, and it is bad again tonight. When I am moody I fell compelled to either binge on comfort foods, drink my arse off, or not eat at all. I've felt compelled to do all three at some point today. Since starting WW I've followed the plan every single day, and I have not binged. I've drank some, but not much in the grand scheme of things. For me the biggest deamon to overcome is the one that makes me fast when I am emotional and/or have things on my mind. I never truly realised how hard it could be to make myself eat, we think so much about the making ourselves NOT eat part. I don't know why I have this reaction, it's not driven by any conscious thought that I can recognise, my appetite just flees this plane of existence when I get moody, and I could care less whether I ever take another bite. And it's not just lack of interest in eating, it is an actual DISinterest in eating; the thought of it is unpleasant, it's as if there's something blocking me from doing it. I struggled with it in the fall at times, but in the past few months I've done well with it, probably just because things have been going well for me. I didn't want to eat tonight, and I kept putting it off, but finally I made supper and ate a proper meal. It tasted wonderful and I enjoyed eating it when it was done, but if I hadn't forced myself to make it, I would have been happy to have nothing. Maybe this is like the breakfast thing, and it will actually get easier the more I do it.

Earned 14 APs today: 30 min walk aerobics (2-mile), 60 min free weights, 50 min elliptical

Did I mention...

...that I'm tired? Another short post just to say I did. I closed tonight so I didn't get home till after 10:00, and I still needed to eat. This 12:30pm-9:00 shift is the worst I've worked I think, because I have to leave at 11:30am which is too early to have had dinner, so by the time I get home after 10:00 I've only had 2 meals. Strange how this kind of thing honestly bothers me now, when before it never would have. I'm also really bothered by how it makes exercising really hard to fit in. I'm glad this is not a regular shift for me. I'll have to see about exercising tomorrow before work. It was another good day tho, I enjoyed it for what it was. Had some really nice time with D before his shift was over, it was very quiet and very pleasant. I'm tired but content, all things considered.

How long gone are you gonna be

My bad.

Things have been busy since last week, and with the cold, working extra shifts, and M visiting unexpectedly on the weekend, I had little spare time for posting. I'm not happy, regardless; journalling has been something I've tried to make a point of doing every day, the same as anything else. It is a priority, but there have been other things that I have made bigger priorities of late. I intended to journal last night, and the night before, but the time got away from me and the next thing I knew I was in bed without having done it. Right now I should be in bed and I will be shortly, I just wanted to make a post, no matter how brief, so I can get myself back into the habit. Today was a great day, I made a big effort to get back on track after all the distraction, and despite sleeping very late and being lazy for much later, I still made a detailed plan for the day and have crossed everything off the list. Even if it has taken till the wee hours to do so. I got lots of activity in and I'm feeling extremely content. Looking forward to bed.

Earned 7 APs Monday: 40 min elliptical

Earned 7 APs Tuesday: 40 min elliptical

Earned 14 APs today: 30 min walk aerobics (2-mile), 60 min free weights, 45 min elliptical

Too warm

Today was quiet and uneventful. Last night was as miserable as I'd forseen for the most part. After posting I just lay in bed and listened to Harry Potter. Just the little bit of light from the comp screen seemed like enough to hurt my eyes. I had the heat on and the flat was warm, but I was still under all my blankets and cold. When I would get up to the toilet I would be covered in goosebumps....the ouchie kind you get when you're sick. I wouldn't quite call it the crawly-skin, but it wasn't far off. Thankfully it isn't the flu I have; you only get full out crawly-skin with the flu. Either way I was in a stupor for an hour at least, don't know how long, I just know that I listened to a lot of Harry Potter without really hearing a lot of it, only his voice, and it helped soothe me. Eventually I kind of slept, that sick-sleep, and it was as not fun as I had anticipated. The good thing is that about 4:00am or so I suddenly realised it was actually really warm and turned on the fan. I was also able to breathe, which WAS fun. Today I took it easy, read mostly, listened to HP. I wanted soup for dinner but my can-opener was broken so I had to venture out to get a new one from the dollar store. Just as well, since I had to get bus tickets anyway. I'd been wondering if I should attempt some exercise, since I have basically none for the week, but the walking was almost enough to convince me otherwise. Sometimes I felt fine, and others I felt shakey. Bending over for a moment makes everything go gray, so I figured rest is better. I've not had much of an appetite, I've not had supper yet and it is getting really late, so I should go eat something. All I want is ice cream tho *craves*

Earned 3 APs today: 35 min brisk walking

Shoot me now

Oh man do I ever feel wretched at the moment. I absolutely cannot breathe through my nose at all. My sinuses are messed up and I just ache from the shoulders up. No exercise for me today and I'm finishing with 4.5 points left on the board. I think I'm in for a miserable night. Damn it all to hell anyway.

Really I do

I might be having company this weekend, so you know what that means! Time for me to get sick! All I need now is TOM to show up.

I feel like crap and since every hour that passes I feel worse than the one before, I'm expecting that I'm only going to feel crappier before I feel better. I was sneezing a lot earlier today, but I felt fine, but then I started feeling bad late afternoon and it's only gotten worse. My head aches and my throat is sore and the light is making my eyes hurt and I'm getting congested. I'm not impressed at all, I'd really gotten it into my head that with my new lifestyle I don't get sick as often, but I was sick a month ago! NOT IMPRESSED!!!

I was in bed this morning and still not decided whether I was going to sleep some more or wake up, when F called and asked me to cover her shift today before she's not feeling well. I immediately had to change my plans for the day, I'd planned to catch up on email, try to find veggies worth eating, and get lots and lots of exercise in. I decided I had time to get in 2 hours of DDR before work, then I could do stairs when I got home and maybe WATP, but 15 min into DDR R called and we had some things to discuss and don't often get to talk so I picked up. Then F called and asked if I wanted to go shopping since she had to come to the U to drop forms off that were due today. I needed peppers badly, and some other things that can't wait till the weekend, so I scrapped DDR and went. I got lovely nice peppers and was pleased till I saw the bill..I only got half a bag but the red peppers cost me over 10 dollars!!!! There's no way I can afford to spend that!! Looks like I'll be giving them up. BEING POOR SUCKS BIG HAIRY MONKEY ASS!!!!!

I got back from shopping and it was way later than I'd planned on and I had to rush like crazy to make dinner and eat it and then try to make my supper to bring with me to work. I'd planned on tuna pitas, but my can-opener broke and wouldn't open the tuna, so another plan went awry as I had zero time to make anything else at this point. I got my bus okay, I just had to finish my dinner on the bus so I wouldn't be late, but that was all right. I was more concerned about not being hungry on my shift than having people see me eat in public. Normally I avoid that like the plague but I managed it with little anxiety, which I think is a sign of improvement. Work was good, but it got a little difficult when I started getting sick. I had so much fun chatting with N when I was working in the warehouse, and laughed myself silly at his theory of getting high priced hookers to clean his house for him. I had to go to McDonalds for supper, and since I had a fair amount of points left I decided I could have the fries with my deli, and I marvelled at how fries and mayo on a sandwich can taste sooo sinful now, it really doesn't take much now to make a meal taste rich, which is nice. I also marvelled that I was full after I ate it, I really, really hope my stomach is shrinking!!!! The thing is tho that I'm feeling kind of hungry right now, which I think is odd since it was only 4 hours ago I had supper. Maybe it is because the meal was less healthy than the food I normally eat, so it wasn't enough to satisfy my hunger for long. I could get some carrots, but honestly I'd rather be hungry than eat right now. I really do feel crappy.

On that note I think I'll leave it there and watch the new yoga DVD I bought today so I can see what the heck it's all about before I attempt doing it. I also watched my WATP DVD before I actually did it, so I'd know what would be expected of me. I'm a dorkus like that. *squee*

Earned 1 AP today: 15 min low-intensity DDR

I know how to do this

Hmm. Not sure if I'm going to be able to post properly after all. My brain seems to be doing its own thing at the moment. I got way too little sleep last night, worked a long day, and have been fed and watered...I'm actually surprised I'm still conscious.

It was an eventful week last week, some good, some bad. My father was ill and that distracted me, but mum called tonight to let me know he's doing much better, so that's a huge weight off my shoulders. I was scared every time the phone rang. F called me at work today, and when J told me there was a call for me I thought my heart was going to fall out and land on the floor. When I heard it was F I was worried mum had called her trying to get ahold of me, and when I got the phone I immediately started asking "What is it?? What's wrong?? Is something wrong??" Poor thing. I'll have to invite her over for supper again and make up for it. I had her over last Tuesday (the reason for no post that night) and I made a nice healthy supper and it was yummy. It was the first time I'd had ground beef since before WW, and it was so good. I was surprised at how points-friendy the meal was, I'm definitely going to get ground beef again sometime, it was very reasonable. Not to mention tastey!

We had a really great visit, been too long since we've just hung out. I tried on some of my "new" clothes for her and got advice about when/where/how to wear it. She loves talking about my new lifestyle, and it is so great to have such a supportive friend being honestly interested. M is the same way, only since she doesn't live here we don't get to just sit and talk about it in the same way, it's all online, and we're usually pressed for time.

Speaking of the deviless (yes that's a word, I just invented it), we're chatting now and it seems like she might be visiting this weekend. Definitely something to look forward to and get excited about. The last time we saw each other was 4 1/2 months and oh, about 42 lbs ago. She's excited to see me and I'm interested to see whether she honestly thinks I look all that different, because I really think there's not been a drastic change yet. Looks like I'll be having to get a lot of activity in before the weekend, but then, I'll need those APs on Saturday, maybe the weather will cooperate for a walk.

Okay I'm too pleasantly distracted now to say anymore. I'm just happy I made a proper post, I pledge to make another tomorrow!!

Football Sunday

I really must manage my time better on Sundays, having to work these early morning Monday shifts. Got activity in, watched games, cheered to see Indy go down. Tho I suppose once football season is over it will be a lot easier to get things done on the weekend. My flat is still tidy and clean, but I'm regretably behind on posting and woefully behind on email. I guess Tuesday will be my day to catch up things, I'm going to be toast tomorrow night after work, but maybe I'll be able to make a proper post tomorrow.

Earned 12 APs today: 10 min low-intensity DDR, 75 min mod-indensity DDR, 30 min walk aerobics (2-mile), 60 min free weights

Weekly summary:
Earned 55 APs
10.7 hours (640 min) total activity
20 miles (32.2 kms) walked
17 FPs remaining
2.0 lbs lost
Current weight: 223.4

"...seems like a dream to me now"

More plans gone awry. I'd planned to journal and write a few emails tonight, but all that went out the window...then got blown about and rained on, same as me when I walked to campus. F was there doing work and I made some supper and brought it to her. The day was off kilter for me overall, spent it in a spacey distracted way, tho I did get activity in. Looks like journalling and emails will have to wait, tis bed for me, I have to work tomorrow.

Earned 11 APs today: 100 min brisk walking, 20 min stairs (8x)

What's my name again?

I had company last night and it ended up being too late to post. Tonight isn't a whole lot better, I'm floaty and tired and ready for bed, not near enough sleep last night to do me and it was a long (but great!) day. More tomorrow.

Earned 3 APs yesterday: 20 min brisk walking, 30 min walk aerobics (2-mile)

Earned 13 APs today: 10 min low-intensity DDR, 65 min mod-intensity DDR, 90 min brisk walking

Bah

Well, that SUCKED!

I'm going to bed.

Sunday

I'm distracted at the moment. I was in a good mood, but I'm chatting with a friend and he said something that annoyed me and now I feel like I'm all thrown off my stride. I can't remember any of the things I was planning to say here. I feel all disjointed...annoying!

I got a good amount of activity in today, but I noticed I was fatigued again and awful sweaty. I don't know if the weather outside is perhaps mild and thus the flat is warmer, or what might be going on. It just seems strange because it is out of the ordinary. Maybe it is just because I got a lot of activity in this week compared to last month and I'm just feeling it. I'll be taking it easy tomorrow on account of working an extra long shift then coming home to watch the big game (GO BUCKS!!!) so maybe that will sort things out.

I had an absolutely awsome loss this week...3.8 lbs!!! I will say I met my that goal I set a couple weeks ago to lose 60 lbs by my 6 month mark; last week's WI was lower than it should have been because of digestive issues, which is something I wondered about at the time, because I did feel bloated and didn't have a BM before my WI, or all day for that matter. Funny how quick I was to blame the exercise, I guess I owe it an apology. I'm sorry exercise, you're great and I love you! Lets never fight again!

I got a huge surprise yesterday when I did the math and realised that I'm now 47.4 lbs to goal. 47.4 lbs!!!!! That is completely crazy! And wonderful! It suddenly seems so much closer than it ever did! I've just been walking around since yesteday filled with squee and glee. From here on out things are only going to get better! I'm getting to the point where every loss is going to be more noticable, and I'm excited for that. I'll be taking pics again this week, which is always fun. PLUS, I measured this morning and I have 9 inches gone off my waist! UNBELIEVABLE!!!

Earned 12 APs today: 10 min low-intensity DDR, 75 min mod-indensity DDR, 30 min walk aerobics (2-mile), 60 min free weights

Weekly summary:
Earned 55 APs
11.3 hours (680 min) total activity
10.5 miles (16.9 kms) walked
12.5 FPs remaining
3.8 lbs lost
Current weight: 225.4

So THAT'S what eyebrows are for!

This will be brief, as I am utterly weary of a sudden. I had a good day, but I found myself physically fatigued much more than usual when exercising. I had to cut my DDR short this morning after pushing for the last 10 min, then finally paying heed to what my body was telling me (namely, "no more! rest now!!"). When I was doing stairs tonight I had to push to finish and I was sweating like...well, a person who is sweating a lot. I don't know, it just struck me that I've never seen a sweaty pig...where did that analogy come from?? Anyhoo, I got housework done, just not all of it. I lost the morning catching up with SBG. I'm planning to do more tomorrow during the early game. Oh, I have to sleep now.

Earned 13 APs today: 15 min low-intensity DDR, 60 min mod-intensity DDR, 20 min brisk walking, 30 min walk aerobics (2-mile), 20 min stairs (8x)

Fridaylicious!

I worked. I exercise. I ate.

Feeling utterly content in this moment, looking forward to bed and loving the fact that I have two days off and the ability to stay up and to sleep in if I do so choose. A woman said something to me when I was in highschool that I never forgot, and have only later in life come to appreciate on a deeply personal level: "Often the most excitement I want on a Friday night is not having to turn my alarm clock on".

Oh yeah. I can dig it.

Earned 6 APs today: 30 min walk aerobics (2-mile), 60 min free weights

Adventures with cheese

I had a good day. I'm enjoying this whole thing of getting stuff sorted out at night and having more time in the morning for a relaxed breakfast. I think I shall have to keep it up. Work was non-stressful (my favorite kind) and afterward I ran some errends with F at the mall. She offered me a ride home, but had to do a few returns first so I accompanied her. I picked up shampoo and conditioner, and bus tickets, so it was worthwhile for me. I also spent time at the makeup counter as she was returning something there, and the salesperson helped me pick out a lipstick that would be great for everyday use. I've been wanting to get some, but don't have the first clue about makeup, on account of I care nothing about the stuff and never have. Nonetheless, I think I would like to have colour in my lips, as I don't think I really have any. I was all excited until she told me it cost $16, then I had to tell her no thankyou I just can't afford that right now. I was let down, but I can't in any way justify the cost. When I get a full time job I'll celebrate by going back and buying it. I was hungry when I got home but didn't supper yet because I wanted to exercise, so I tried a cup of cottage cheese. It definitely tasted nothing like I had expected it to, and it was a little hard to eat the whole cup, but it wasn't horrible, just...strange. And it did take care of the hunger. I guess it's all the protein! I guess cottage cheese is usually used as an ingredient instead of all on its own, but I have no idea what I could do with it, maybe eat it with an apple? Too bad I don't have some sort of kitchen gadget to make it all whipped, I could dip things in it easily. Maybe inspiration will hit me.

Earned 6 APs today: 30 min walk aerobics (2-mile), 20 min stairs (8x)

"You never know your strength until you're tested"

I was watching Angel while doing free weights just now, and that line leapt out at me. It is so very true. For most of my life I never thought it was within my ability to lose weight, then for a time I was afraid I wasn't strong enough. It wasn't until the past couple years that I started to believe this was something I could do, and in many ways I just waited until the time was right, until I felt strong enough.

Or perhaps I just had to wait until I simply trusted the strength I had.

New Years was no different than Christmas for me really, it was just another night. I had to work that day, and I was tired and hungry and cold when I finally got home. I could have gone to F's house but I didn't bother to go out. I wrote an email, had supper, watched some Angel, then went to bed without even waiting up to watch the rest of the episode, let alone till midnight. I was much more interested in sleep than I was in knowing a calender year just changed over.

Yesterday was also a quiet day for me, but was noteworthy for the reason that I actually made a few resolutions this year. I don't believe I have ever done that even once before now. I don't even know if they are resolutions per se, I'm just thinking of them as goals that were convenient to start at the begining of the month. Like when I started WW, I planned to start on the first Monday of the month. I'm just methodical like that (which by the way is why I think WW suits me so well, what with the counting points and planning meals and entering food and activity into the tracker and whatnot).

The wonderful thing is that unlike many of the people making resolutions right now, I am not planning to change my lifestyle in a drastic way. I think it is finally starting to sink in for me the last few days that my lifestyle has actually changed. It has been 6 months. 6 months! Seriously, how long do you have to be maintaining a set of behaviours before it officially constitutes a lifestyle change? I know there are popular beliefs that it takes 21 days to make a behaviour a habit. Is it possible to live a certain way for half a year and still not have changed your lifestyle? Is it perhaps all tied up in one's attitude toward the behaviours? A true desire to change and not to change back? A feeling of permanence? I don't have the answer, I just know that I am starting to get the sense that this new lifestyle is getting more comfortable. It was never painful, to be sure, but my new lifestyle was constantly like a new pair of shoes. I was always aware that I was "wearing it". I think I'm finally getting it broken in, familiar and comfortable. I guess with each month that goes by, it just seems less foreign and strange. How odd and exhilerating to think that in time it will be my old lifestyle that will seem foreign. I guess that will be the real sign that my lifestyle has officially changed. I still think about it a lot though, and I am still constantly aware of it, so I guess I still have a ways to go before it is all commonplace and second nature; only makes sense, really...6 months is not a long time when compared to 28 and a half years.

One of my resolutions/goals is to isolate myself less. I find I've been having a lot less contact with people since I started WW, and I would like to connect with people more than I have been. I've decided to get more involved on the WW boards, and hopefully that will help get things going for me. It is so easy for me to get in the habit of silently watching people interact around me and to keep myself seperate.

Another one of my goals is to commit to at least 7 hours of exercise a week, averaging out to an hour a day. Exercise has not been a problem for me overall, but after those couple weeks in December where I wasn't able to get much or any in, I just want to make a solid committment to activity.

My other goal is to be more strict about following the 8 Guidelines. The past month or so I've gotten a little lax about it, as my points have kept dropping, and I'm begrudged spending DPs on things like oils and dairy when I'd rather be eating different things. It's only going to get harder from here on out to get the Guidelines in as I have less and less points, but this is where my committment to being healthy is important. It is easy to eat within your points when you get a million of them a day, but the trick to living healthy is when you have less points or calories to play with. This is where it is very important that I learn how to eat healthy. If I keep trying to eat more fattening foods, I won't be able to eat as healthily as is necessary to maintain the kind of lifestyle I want. I spent a couple of hours yesterday afternoon on the site for the Canada Food Guide, and I felt really focussed afterward. WW says I should be getting 5 fruits/veggies, 2 dairy, 2 oils, and a MV a day. According to the CFG, I should be eating 8 fruits/veggies, 7 grains, 2 dairy, 2 oils and 2 meat. I have made a committment to incorporate these two sets of Guidelines into my lifestyle. I believe that getting all the veggies, and having the meat requirements will help me get by with less points from getting the things like the oils and dairy every day. It is so important to me to live healthy, and I am making these goals because I know if I achieve them, I truly will be living the kind of lifestyle I always idealised in my head, but never thought I could ever have. I want to be my ideal. The totally frigging awesome thing is how little I have to tweak to actually get there; truly I am just tightening up my diet, etc a bit. This is not going to be a drastic change...all because I have made so many strides and have been so dedicated and committed all these months. It's an incredible feeling, knowing that.

Earned 4 APs today: 60 min free weights

Not-Sunday

Gosh, it feels like it should be Sunday! I'm rather disoriented, I keep thinking I should be adding up my numbers for the week. There was a lot I'd intended to say tonight, but I had less time than I'd anticipated this evening. I got to chat with M and catch up a bit, and that was time well spent, and I got some activity in, and then I cleaned the kitchen and got things in readiness for the morning, so here it is bedtime and I don't want to stay up any later as I have to work in the morning. Will have to play catch-up tomorrow.

Earned 14 APs today: 30 min low-intensity DDR, 75 min mod-intensity DDR, 30 min walk aerobics (2-mile), 20 min stairs (8x)

Not impressed

I had a fit of the sullens yesterday when I did my WI and "only" lost 1 lb instead of 2.2 like I had hoped for so badly. I has planned to exercise before I went to work, but I ended up deciding I wasn't going to. I was actually quite annoyed with exercise, as in my mind I was blaming it for my "bad loss"...as if any loss is bad!!! Either way I got over it, it just took a day of being angry with exercise, then an evening of being angry with myself. Not that I was actually angry with anyone. Well, okay, so I WAS angry with exercise, and we weren't speaking, but I wasn't truly angry with myself. I just had a long talk with myself (through D btw, the poor guy had to listen to me rant about all this at work) about what's important and reminded myself of the whole reason for setting reasonable goals for one's self as opposed to goals one cannot control. This is exactly why I do not set goals to lose X amount of pounds in a week! Instead of being ecstatic that I had a loss, I was actually bummed out that it was not a bigger loss! Talk about having screwed up priorities! Well, I'm over it, lesson LEARNED. Today on the WW boards I was reading posts asking if people wanted to sign up for challenges for January, and one is about committing to a certain amount of exercise for the month, the other is to pledge to try and lose X lbs for the month, and I was thinking I would join both, but then I told myself that it does not work for me to start concentrating on numbers of lbs. Yes, I set a loss goal when I was part of the PC challenge, but the PC challenge went on for months, and I set a reasonable goal for that time and met it halfway through. I am not going to start setting monthly goals, I do not want to start getting obsessive over the scale. I believe I will join the activity challenge tho, I am just still trying to decide on how many minutes to pledge. I knew long before I started WW that I have to be careful about my obsessive personality, and that if I let myself go unchecked I could be an eating disorder waitng to happen. I have kept a completely healthy perspective throughout my journey to this point, I can control whether I continue in that vein, and I absolutely choose to remain healthy-minded and to not start turning this into a numbers game. If anything, my only goal overall is not to gain weight, and even that is on a month to month basis.

It is about being healthy, and I am doing a great job so far.

The day before yesterday I ran half a block to reach the bus, and when I sat down it suddenly hit me that half a year ago I would have been breathing hard from just that little burst of speed. I know because I'd experienced it. But now it doesn't even make me breathe hard.

I'd just worked four 8-hour shifts in a row, and my feet were only the tiniest bit sore last night. Half a year ago they would have been so painful I wouldn't have been able to think of anything else.

THAT'S what it's about, god damn it.

What a wonderful opportunity this was to reaffirm my committment to a healthy lifestyle, and to remember what exactly it is that I am dedicated to doing here!

Bring it.

I'm ready.

Earned 22 APs today: 15 min low-intensity DDR, 75 min mod-indensity DDR, 95 min brisk walking, 60 min free weights, 20 min stairs (8x)

Weekly summary:
Earned 45 APs
9.3 hours (560 min) total activity
12 miles (19.3 kms) walked
11 FPs remaining
1 lb lost

"I feel like an unmade bed"

I was reading the posts on the WW boards just now, and one of the women made that comment. It really struck me as a particularly apt saying. I shall have to ponder it.

I'd intended exercise tonight, but I was hungry and didn't want to put off supper, so I ate instead. Lately I've gotten back in the habit of eating supper then immediately going to bed, which I know is a wretched habit to be in, but with work I'm not having a whole lot of choice. The problem is that I want to get my activity in, but I know once I eat I get too lazy to do anything worthwhile. With these hours I'm working I just don't have the time to do it before I leave, and the days have been long and tiring enough that by the time I get home I'm not exactly bursting with energy. Still, I've been trying to exercise before supper, but that in turn means I've been eating late. Tonight I just didn't want to wait. I was hungry when I got home. Now I'm very pleasantly satisfied but unfortunately very pleasantly weary. I really hoped to get free weights in tonight, and I have not ruled it out completely, but I'm getting sleepier with every minute that passes, and I think I might just call it a night. If I make an effort tomorrow and the day after, I will still have gotten a good amount of activity in for the week, and I guess I really should be taking into account as well that I did have 5 shifts this week, which, adding in commute times, does not leave me that much free time compared to what I'd normally have. I was just really extra motivated this week on account of wanting to lose 2.2 lbs, so that I could say I lost 60 lbs for New Years. I think that is a really exciting goal, and the thought helped me get through all the food temptations at work this week. Fingers crossed for WI tomorrow!!!

Huff puff

Gotta love that high intensity activity! I wonder how things will go with my eppiliptical thingy when I get it, I've never actually been on one.

Thankfully most of the food that was in the lunch room at work yesterday had been scarfed and/or hoarded. They filled the room with all manner of snack food yesterday, and the whole day was a temptation. The sandwiches looked sooo good, but were filled with processed meats and cheese. There were those yummy cereal bars with yogurt and berries and such, and chips, and those sinful chocolate muffins like mum gets at the Price Club. Those were the worst temptation for me I think. I didn't touch any of the goodies, and instead ate fruit and vegetables, of which there were lots, thankfully. Mostly because most people were choosing the goodies instead. By today all the really tempting stuff had been eaten, so I was spared another day of wanting things I don't need. The only hitch was when I went in for my break and was in the middle of my carrots when someone came in with chocolate cake on account of a birthday. It looked really good, but it was easier somehow to resist it than it had been yesterday to resist everything else. Either way I'm proud of my will power. Go me!

Earned 4 APs today: 20 min stairs (8x)

An obscenity of a day

If I had an ounce of energy I would get a thesaurus and use it to find new and interesting words to describe how incredibly SUCKY this day was. This was the most boring shift I have ever worked at the store, and it was stressful on top of it. The crowds of people were overwhelming, and I was in a state of high-anxiety for hours on end. Not to mention that each hour actually lasted for three and I was trapped in the store for a day and a half in some sort of temporal rift that distorted time and sucked you into a torturous hell dimension where you could only stand in one spot and look at people to make sure they weren't stealing. Seriously, if there was a hell, it should make days like today a specialty. I was home an hour and my head was still buzzing. Tho in spite of it all there were 4 things about today that I would say were good: 1. an email from B that started my day off with laughter. 2. seeing J who used to work in our dept and who hasn't seen me in a long time and was amazed at how I look. 3. getting a compliment from G in HT about the weight I've lost. and 4. getting the Ultimate DDR Dance mat on sale for a great price. It's regularly $54, but today it was $19. Considering how much time I spend doing DDR, I definitely thought it worth it to get this DDR mat with the foam padding. I'm hoping the cushion will help absorb the shock of the jumps especially, as I just reintroduced them yesterday, having stopped using jump moves back when my back was so painful all the time. It still gets sore, but I'm not having pain anywhere near like I did, so I wanted to see how it would go. If things keep going well for another week or two, I'm going to start doing that exercise with the free weights again that I stopped because it seemed to aggravate the back problem. I was tempted not to exercise but I tried out the new mat for a little bit, then I did my free weights, so I'm proud. Looking forward to bed.

Earned 5 APs today: 15 min low-intensity DDR, 60 min free weights

The day before Boxing Day

I'm halfway through my Christmas drink and I'm already rather mellow. I'm interested to see whether getting thin will manage to turn me into a lightweight. I certainly hope so, since I don't necessarily have the option of more, not without using FPs, which is not something I do. I prefer to use my FPs for food, excepting a special occasion I suppose.

Today was very quiet, which was exactly what I wanted. I got a good amount of activity in, and earned my drink. I also have APs left for some sort of treat with supper. Perhaps some pudding for dessert, and/or maybe extra cheese. Decisions, decisions! After my WI last weekend my DPs got dimished yet again by 1 point, putting me down to 33 DPs now. I'm definitely noticing the difference, but it's just more incentive to get APs! I got a couple loads of laundry done, the place has been like a tomb today. When I took out the garbage to the dumpster, I saw the parking lot was about 90% empty, I don't think I've ever seen it like that. I'm also really excited because I actually got a river walk in today! There was no snow/ice down, it wasn't terribly cold, there was little wind, and there was no sun...in my books a perfect day for a walk! It was strange tho; the streets were deserted, and it was like a ghost town. I liked the solitude tho very much. It felt soo good to just be able to walk and walk and be alone with my thoughts. I hadn't realised how much I've missed not being able to do it. It felt so good to just be moving, to work those thigh muscles, to feel strong and swift. I hope the ice and snow stay away and that I can walk more over the winter. I talked to some of the fam briefly tonight, aunts and uncles and cousins were showing up for supper, and I started to get lonesome and had to get off the phone. It can be hard remembering what it would be like, lots of great company and lots of great food. At least being alone here means I don't have to have the temptation of all that fattening food to deal with. When I got lonesome I just exercised some more, and thought about how exciting it will be when I see them all next summer.

Earned 12 APs today: 20 min low-intensity DDR, 60 min mod-intensity DDR, 90 min brisk walking, 20 min stairs (8x)

It was Christmas Eve babe...in the drunk tank..

I love that song so much, definitely my favorite Christmas song of all time.

Not much to report here. I had to work, but it was not stressful in the least. Everything was incredibly chaotic at the store, what with getting ready for Boxing Day madness. I didn't get caught up with it at all, and instead just sailed along in everyone else's wake and enjoyed the ride. There were people set aside to do the set up for our department, so I just concentrated on customers, of which there weren't that many, considering. It was steady, but they didn't seem to need much help, so I mostly wandered and enjoyed myself. Everything was being moved and shifted and changed in some way, and I'm glad I've been there as long as I have, elsewise I would have found the whole day extremely stressful. That job has definitely taught me to be able to handle change much better than I had been, it's maybe the best benefit I have gotten from the job, and I'm so happy about that. I picked up a bottle from the LCBO, and planned to have a drink ot two tonight and just relax, but I was more tired when I got home than I had expected to be, and tho I did my WATP dvd, I didn't feel energetic enough to do stairs, so I passed on having a drink on account of not having the APs to swap for it, and not wanting to dip into my FPs for it. I plan to get more activity in tomorrow, since I don't have to work, and I can have my Christmas drink tomorrow if I'm in the mood. I'm going to bed early, how exciting!

Earned 2 APs today: 30 min walk aerobics (2-mile)

Feeling fine

And yes it may be stormy outside, and I might be fairly secluded, but I am not about to start chopping down doors with axes (anybody up on their King?).

Got loads of activity in today, and somebody's got tired wittle legs! Didn't get the normal amount of activity in for the week, but between having to work an extra shift (which lost me an evening and a morning), having a birthday (another evening lost) and being sick, I'm still happy with the week. What I'm REALLY happy about is that I had another great loss this week, after last weekend's excesses, and with my birthday feast thrown in to boot!! AND, TOM was visiting this week too (he left yesterday evening btw, another short visit). I'm not having -4 lb weeks any more, but that doesn't bother me, and I call anything over 1.5 lbs a great loss. Yes, it would be wonderful to be thin as soon as possible, but I'm having serious concerns about my body and how my skin seems incapable of shrinking. No, not the kind of concern that keeps me up at 2:00 in the morning fretting; I accept that this is part of it, and is the price I have to pay for being overweight all my life. It doesn't change the fact that I would still prefer that my body not be such a disaster zone as I'm making my dream come true. One of the best ways of having a tidier body is to have less rapid weight loss, so I'm perfectly happier with taking a little longer to get there, if it meant my skin could maybe cooperate with me a little. I think a lot of the reason I still can't look in the mirror and notice results is because of all the sag I'm experiencing. It will be interesting to say the least to see how it all turns out. Every time I'm near a mirror I try to imagine what I will look like in the end, I simply can't picture it. It is rather exciting. Even with saggy everything, I will be thinner, and I'll be able to wear clothes that conceal the worst of it, and I will feel wonderful to have people look at me. I will feel wonderful knowing I'm healthy! Tonight I did my WATP dvd in the first time in a long time, and even tho earlier this afternoon I was feeling lazy and not wanting to bestir byself to do more exercise, while I was doing it and afterward, I felt amazing! I would always read posts and such from people saying how they felt amazing after working out, and I think I always scoffed at it deep down inside, but boy do I know the difference now! I didn't feel exhausted, I was working and sweating and breathing hard, but I felt good, I felt strong. Afterward I did weights, then I actually tackled the stairs, and again, I felt good, strong. Strange how actually exercising can make you feel more energetic than you had been beforehand just sitting there. I feel like I could go do another 20 min! Oh god, feeling this fine right now at this moment, just imagine...in another 6 months, how awesome will I feel? :D

Earned 17 APs today: 20 min low-intensity DDR, 75 min mod-indensity DDR, 30 min walk aerobics (2-mile), 60 min free weights, 20 min stairs (8x)

Weekly summary:
Earned 26 APs
5 hours (305 min) total activity
2.5 miles (4 kms) walked
? FPs remaining
1.8 lbs lost

Year's Long Night

Last night was the year's longest night, and yet another winter solstice has come and gone. Normally I celebrate the night in some way, usually in a private, reflective manner. Last night however I had to go to bed early on account of having to work this morning, and I never got to stay up and enjoy it properly. Instead I had to wait until tonight for the time to relax and reflect, and I ended up not getting any activity in. I guess tis the time of year for schedules to be messed up and routines to be thrown off. This week will also be difficult, with extra hours at work and longer commute times due to holiday bus schedules and heavy traffic. Next thing we know it will be January and we'll be wondering where the hell the time went, with another New Year upon us.

Work was fine this morning, it was less busy early on than I had expected, but it was steady enough, and the time went very quickly. When I was getting ready to leave, things started getting really crazy, and there were so many people about, it was hard to maneuver around the dept. I wasn't tempted to ask for extra hours, and instead left as soon as my shift was over. I was looking forward to getting home where it was quiet. There was still a bunch of chocolate about at work, and at one point when I was looking for something in the drawer, I thought, "If there is an open package in there, I'm having some of it and I don't care!" and there was in fact an open package and I looked at it, but I closed the drawer without having any. I told myself that if I want chocolate so badly, I can make some pudding for dessert after supper, which tastes chocolately, and is very points friendly. I could have had a salad with supper, but I was frankly too lazy to go about making one, and I preferred to eat less food than go through any trouble. After a long day I sometimes just want less fuss more than I want more food. I did eat all my DPs tho, which isn't hard lately. I have noticed the past couple weeks that I have to eat less food than I find I want, just eating within my DPs. Missing out on my normal amount of activity means missing out on eating a lot of APs. I never really thought about it before today, but I've been getting on average 50 more points a week to eat. No wonder not having it has made such a difference...50 points can amount to a lot of food! Maybe that's why I've been having good losses the past two weeks, despite not getting much activity in. Either way, I intend to keep up with the activity and to eat those points when I feel the need, because I do feel lately like I am getting less to eat than I want. Maybe that's why the chocolate has been so tempting. But then that could just as easily be hormones. Or the fact that I love chocolate. Whatever, all I care about is that I have been eating within my DPs and the world has not ended, despite feeling hungry sometimes and being tempted to eat more. I'm learning that I can deal with such things just fine, and that is valuable.

Blood and chocolate

More plans gone awry. I was asked to work in the morning, and I must get to bed. Today went well enough, was long tho. I'd thought I would have time tonight to do as I please, and get some activity in, but I have to be up at 5:00am or so and it's already late. My calves and archilles are sore today, but nothing to be a bother. If I start doing stairs regularly I might have to do every second day for a bit. I might be getting a cheap epilliptical machine, or whatever they're called. There's someone at work who is selling one for a really good price. I have absolutely no room for it, but I would so love to have something in the flat I can work out on. The rep who works in our dept a couple days a week also works for Cadbury, and yesterday and today she brought in loads of chocolate for us to have. It was quite maddening, as I used to eat that stuff all the time, and I still want it so badly. It was hard having it around me, but I resisted. Whenever someone would have some I would have to walk away because the smell of it was so good and just made me aware of how much I wanted it. Hopefully it will be all gone by tomorrow.

A peck of peppers

I did enjoy today for no particular reason. I had to wake up a little sooner than I would have liked perhaps, but the day went well regardless. I had a big breakfast, and went off to work. The buses actually got me there on time, will wonders never cease. Work was busy but good, and I managed to have fun in spite of people everywhere. D gave me a ride home and was nice enough to stop to the grocery for me to get a few things, as I was desperate for peppers of a good quality. The store up the street is appalling in their selection and quality, and I'm getting quite fed up. Their vegetables are not worth buying, but I have to when I have no way of getting to a better store. Today I filled two bags brimful with peppers, and I got some romaine and apples too. The bill was much higher than I had anticipated, I guess the price of veggies is climbing. Money is so tight, I might have to start looking more closely at what are the cheaper veggies, and start eating more of those and cutting back on my beloved peppers if the cost is too high. Being poor sucks. It would be depressing if I let it get to me. On a high note, the laundry detergent I realised did not get brought home from our last shopping trip was noted by the grocery, and they found it on their Left Behind list, and so I got it back today, which is a wonderful help. Every dollar counts. I did stairs this evening, and my legs are very pleasantly aching. I hope to get more activity in tomorrow. TOM went and showed up yesterday, and I'm having cramps. But my cold is loads better, and I'm not sniffling or coughing barely at all. Yup, good day.

Earned 4 APs today: 20 min stairs (x8)

One week

I got some exercise in today, but most definitely not as much as I usually do on a normal Wednesday. I was tired today, and I took a short nap, only to wake up feeling even worse, with my chest hurting from coughing so hard and my stomach somewhat upset. I went out to get some veggies and such, and stopped to the pharmacy for some cough medicine. I did some free weights early this evening, and didn't push for more. I'm hoping tomorrow I will feel well enough to do more when I get home from work. I already have tomorrow's menu planned out, and I've done some prep work already. As it is it's getting late, and I should get things sorted out and get to bed.

Earned 5 APs today: 20 min brisk walking, 60 min free weights

One score and 9 years ago...

...Delle weighed 8 lbs and some-odd ounces!

Holy crap...I always thought that that had been a lot, but I could take baby-me and do tricep curls with her..LOL! Maybe I wasn't such a fat baby after all!

It was a good birthday, not that I'm much bothered about them. It's never been a very big deal for me, having it so close to Christmas and everyone always been too distracted to pay much mind. F has a thing about wanting to be the first person to wish you happy birthday, and I woke up sometime after midnight to the sound of my answering machine kicking in, then I got a singing birthday message from her that was too awesome. I was quite amused to listen to her sing in 4 different languages, definitely a message I am going to be keeping. Work was fine, I had fun with coworkers, then when my shift was over, F came and fetched me and we went to Applebees for supper. I ate light earlier in the day, and decided not to stress too much about the meal. Applebees has been one of my fav places to go out to since I moved here, and we've always gone there on my special occasions. I got my favorite chicken fajitas, and I requested no quacamole (sp?) or whatever sour cream stuff normally comes with. I also didn't have any alcohol, as normally I will have a pint or two, and just had water the whole time. I didn't order dessert, even tho I was coaxed and cajoled to do so. However F and L told the server that it was my b-day, and I looked at her and said, you're not going to sing at me are you? and she said no, of course not! and of course she got her fellow servers and they all came singing and clapping and presented me with a dessert dish. I asked for more spoons and tried to get the others to help me eat it, but they very stubbornly left most of it to me. I did end up eating it, thankfully it was one scoop of ice cream and one little square of fudge brownie. It tasted like sin itself and I savoured it. I also didn't beat myself up over it; I've been good, and I definitely won't ever be seeking the stuff out for myself. I've not had dessert anything since June, the most I've had has been fat-free jello pudding, which is nothing much. It was a wonderful treat, supper and the dessert, and I didn't try to track it when I got home, tho maybe I should try before the week is out. I figure I'll just eat within my DPs for the rest of the week, and try to leave most if not all of my FPs, and that should cover it fine. After supper F and I went to the movies and saw "The Golden Compass", which was decent enough. I was excited that there was a preview for the new Narnia movie, I'm definitely looking forward to seeing that one. The first Narnia movie had been my birthday movie a couple of years ago, and if the next one was playing next winter, it would be birthday movie 2008, but it is going to be a summer movie, if I remember correctly. That's okay, I'm sure there will be something that will suit. When I got home there was another singing b-day message waiting for me, this time from B, which was real sweet of him. Either way I am at peace with my age and very aware that this time last year I was actually quite down, thinking that it would only be two years before I'm 30 years old. This year is completely different; I'm so excited to be turning 29...this is going to be my year, I feel this in my bones. I'm going to end off my 20s on the highest point I have ever been in my life. One year from now I am going to look back and think it was my best year ever, and how could anyone be depressed turning 30 after having such a kick-ass year as I am going to make this one be?

Mmmm.....bed

Bed is looking mighty good. I'm still battling my cold, work was difficult at times because I have these violent coughing fits that take the good out of me. I had to stop helping customers because I couldn't finish a sentence without hacking a lung up in front of them. I'm having cramps off and on too, and I expect TOM to visit any moment now. I was up later last night than I had planned, and I am tired. I was very cold when I got home (had to wait an hour outside in -15 weather for stupid city transit) but now I am too hot. My chest and stomach hurts from coughing, but otherwise I feel fine, just a little congested. Either way, I think bed is the best place for me right now.

Halfway and 2nd 10%

Yet another No football-Suday, perhaps I am more ill than I realise. The Lions played the same time as my babies, and they were getting killed early on, and I had laundry to do, and things to catch up on, having been gone all weekend, so I gave football a miss this week. If I didn't have to work tomorrow I'd be watching the Sunday night game tho, I think it will be a good one. I was keeping an eye on the NFL site to see the score and my babies managed to scrape a win. Good for them.

The weekend was wonderful. Friday at work was actually pretty awesome, all things considered. It was a system day and I was expecting hell on earth, but at the same time, I didn't have to be there till the store opened, which meant I was spared the usual Friday opening chaos which can often put me in a harried mood. And of course I was very happy that B was getting in town that day, so I was in a great mood regardless of systems. Unexpectedly, everything was organised when I got there, and for once we had a plan that worked splendidly and before we knew it, the rush was over and life was good. I breezed through the rest of the day, and even tho I ended up being there a little later than I had planned, I still got home in a timely enough manner to get sorted out and go to meet B. It was so good to see him, and sure enough the first thing he commented on was to say I looked thinner, which only put me in a better mood. He seemed to find amusement in pointing out where it was easy to feel my bones, and I confess I was very amused by it too. Definitely a good time. I ate what I wanted on Saturday, and had a very sinful omlet for breakfast that had sausage and onion and pepper, and I had toast and homefries. The meal was so good it tasted like the best food I had had in forever. Cheese and butter and grease and sausage, I remember you!!!!! I savoured every bite. I was very full when finished, but not in a sick way. I knew there had to be a tonn of points in it, but I didn't stress about it at all. I'm always so careful, and besides, I need to learn how to splurge now and then. It's what thin people do, they will have fattening meals, just not all the time. Part of changing my lifestyle is to be able to do it sometimes, and be able to go back to eating healthy in between. We had Sarducci's for supper, and again I thought I'd died and gone to heaven. I've not eaten from there since the weekend before I started WW, when I'd gone all out and had everything I knew I would not be eating from now on. I've craved it but have of course never eaten it, so this was a real treat. I'm not worried about how I ate on Saturday because it wasn't giving into an urge or temptation. It was all planned, and had nothing to do with will power or moods. I rarely have company, and I don't feel guilty about any of it. I have nothing but complete confidence that I will have no trouble staying OP after this weekend. I can splurge one day and not be led into a binge or a downward spiral. I can also not exercise for one week and not abandon it compeltely. This week I will make an extra effort to make sure I get exercise in.

I don't remember if I mentioned it here or not, but it had been a goal of mine to reach my 2nd 10% (which is also the halfway-to-goal mark for me) by Christmas, and this week I reached it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I was pretty sure it was a goal I could meet, and it helped motivate me some days when I didn't want to exercise, thinking how I would have to keep up my level of effort if I wanted to make that goal by Christmas. The really strange thing is that I did my WI on Friday on account of I wasn't sure if I'd be able to weigh on Saturday morning like I normally do, and I was down...a LOT, considering this is supposed to be my Week of Little Loss. I was expecting little or no loss, seeing where I am in my cycle, and yet by week's end I was noticing that my pants were looser than normal, and just walking quickly makes them try to fall past my hips. I'm used to holding my pants up when I run, but I was just stepping more quickly to cross the road! I don't know if it has to do with TOM not showing up like I had expected (still no sign of him), or the fact that I did not exercise. Maybe my body was thrown off by the fact that this week was so different...I've exercised every week since the third week of August. I know from the WW boards that mixing things up can cause an unexpected loss (case in point: the Wendi Plan), so perhaps it was that. I'm wondering if it is because I ate less this week; since I usually eat most if not all of my APs, I was eating less food this week because I was staying in my DPs only. Thursday night I ended up dipping into my FP a little even tho I had not wanted to, only because I was still hungry after I ate my planned supper meal, but that was the only day I needed more points than my DPs give me. Either way I am not planning to cut out the exercise and see whether it will cause me to lose weight at a faster rate; it is very important to me to have a strong, healthy body, not just a thin one. Besides, I've been losing weight more than fast enough, and as much as I want to be thin as quickly as possible, I know it is better if I don't go any faster than I am. If for nothing else, than because I'm saggy and droppy enough as it is already. Damn skin...I'm wishing I could just say shag it and get a tailor to take it in for me!

Thursday

Another night where I am tired almost beyond measure. Today wasn't necessarily difficult, I think this cold I managed to get is tiring me out a little. I went to RB with D after work as we finished the same time, and I was tempted to get a burger or chicken, but I had had a late dinner and wasn't really hungry for supper yet. Even so, I think I would have had something otherwise, if it wasn't for wanting to save my FPs for this weekend. It looks like I'll be getting no exercise at all in this week, and part of me doesn't like that, but most of me is tired and thinking that things have been hectic lately. Since late last week my schedule has been thrown off almost every day, with working late, working unscheduled shifts, the party, etc, being so fatigued with TOM coming and this cold. This is the one week I feel I should have gotten more exercise in than usual, since I will be eating out most of the weekend, but there it is. It's not a race, some weeks are going to be easier than others. B is coming tomorrow and I'm really looking forward to it. I wonder if he will think I look thinner. Maybe I can get some exercise in on Saturday if I come back to the flat.

A sleepy calm

It was a glorious day, there is nothing else to be said for it. The river was on a flat calm, the sky was a brilliant blue, I spent the afternoon in facinating conversation, and my pants keep trying to fall off. Nothing else to be said for it.

No talk. Eat now.

I have a few minutes while I'm waiting on the rice, so it is the time to post. Got home from work about 10pm, and I'm strangely tired, considering that I had a nap late this morning. I didn't get any exercise in, which is strange for me on a Tuesday, and things aren't looking so good for tomorrow. I seem be be falling ill, I definitely have a headache and a sore throat and I have the sniffles. I feel worse right now than I did this morning. I took some cold pills before work tho and felt okay on my shift, but I'm feeling poorly again tonight. I guess it is to be expected since everyone at work is sick or was sick in the last couple weeks. If I'm to be sick, I'd rather do it now and hopfully be feeling better by Friday!

And what strength I have's my own

I am very tired tonight; I think I did not get near enough sleep last night to get caught up. I did end up staying awake later than I had planned. I was not overly tired this morning, but it was indeed a long, tiring day. I was in good spirits when I left, but when I got to the store I nearly went tits up on the icy parkinglot, and it only went downhill from there. Everyone seemed to have a stick up their arse today, and I ended up spending a little time in the warehouse kicking a cardboard box and venting. Afterward I did feel better was able to refrain from kicking coworkers and customers. I did get to see the fellow with the pretty eyes when he came in looking for a movie, and that is always nice. He tried to get me to sell him my copy of Silent Hill for PS1, but I tell him he's on crack if he thinks I would ever part with it. Another good thing about today was getting to work with V. She and J had me in stitches telling me stories about their very Italian fathers. That culture is too funny.

I felt bloated today, I definitely think TOM is going to show up soon. Especially since yesterday I got all emotional and homesick in the early afternoon and had a little sniffle-fest, listening to music from home. I would dearly love to get TOM here and out the door before the weekend. I was going to have some milk after supper, but since I was too tired to exercise and earn it, I gave it a miss. I'm planning to save all the APs I can for this weekend when B visits. I can't believe it's only 4 more days, where does the time go?

No football-Sunday

I've been MIA for a couple of days. I've been really busy at work, incidently. I was supposed to be finished at 5:30pm on Friday, but we got hit with an impossible project by the district operations manager, and there was a crapload of work to get done for the next day. I stayed two extra hours and could have stayed longer, but I was knackered by that time, and they asked me if I would come in for 6am to boot, and 7:30 was late enough to stay. D and I went to RB for a pint to come down, then I came home and got a bite to eat then went on to bed. It was late enough that I didn't come online because I knew I would probably be up an extra hour at least because of it, and I knew I would regret it in the morning. As it was, I regreted more that I was having nightmares and ended up waking at about 3:30am and knew immediately that there was no way in hell I was going to sleep again and risk more. So I got up and wrote an email then got ready for work. D picked me up and we got to the store for 6am, and we didn't leave until after 4:30pm. I was pretty knackered again, but I didn't have time for anything, because F was having a fondue party, and I was going to be late. I don't know much about fondue other than it involves cheese and chocolate, so seeing that I was really really hungry when I got home, I went ahead and made supper. I figured if I went there hungry I would just want to eat tons of food that would be bad for me. I got the bus there and was about an hour late, but I felt it was worth it to have eaten. Of course no one was impressed with the fact that I was not eating the fondue stuff, and I was badgered many times to eat something. I felt guilty a lot, like my not eating was insulting, but I stood my ground and didn't let guilt waive my resolve. I got the impression they thought I was being unreasonable, and they probably think I am being too obsessive, but I really don't think they understand what it is like for me. I want to lose weight more than I want just about anything in this world. If I eat things I want to eat, I will not lose weight. I believe a lot of people who are not seriously trying to lose weight the way I am tend to think that "splurging" now and again won't affect anything. How often do they say "bah, it's just a little such and such/it's just one time, IT WON'T MAKE A DIFFERENCE". So many people like to turn it around on you and make you out as being silly and paranoid or something. I never knew how much pressure I would get sometimes to eat things. I think for some people they just want me to eat so they don't feel guilty for eating bad things. I think other times, like at this party, that people just honestly believe that having bad things just this one time won't hurt me, and they honestly want me to enjoy myself. I think they believe I am depriving myself and that I am really missing out. I don't know how to make them understand that yes I would like to be able to eat all those things, if it was magically calorie-free, but that otherwise I want to be thin ever so much more than I want to taste that food. The way I feel at the end of the week and I log a loss on the scale tastes so much better than food does. I'm making a choice to lose weight and that takes committment. In my case, it means being committed every single day. Maybe other people think I am too strict with myself, but it is my life, and my choice, and this lifestyle is what makes me happy. I really believe that my success so far has been because I stay committed every single day, and I follow WW to the letter. This is working for me and I am not changing my committment.

All right, that turned into a rant, but I'm done now. Food-pressure aside, the party was great. I had saved most of my points, so I was open to trying things, but when I got there I simply wasn't hungry, so I said I was going to wait till I was. But the thing is, we started jamming on Rock Band eventually, and I was having too much fun to be hungry. F's brother was tanked, and I thought I was going to die when he started doing this Indian dance. Then he got the mic and he would strike a pose before he would start singing, and do scissor-kicks and I thought I was going to wet myself from laughing. When we were playing, he would start acting like a groupie and catcalling and throwing clothes at us. The best thing about the night is that I got to see C up from Kentucky for the holiday. I had not seen her since two days after I started WW, last July. When I got there she couldn't stop going on about how different I look, and how drastic the weight loss has been. I had been wondering how she would react, and whether she would think I looked much thinner. I still don't feel like I look that much different at all. I was thinking that she might have been exaggerating because maybe F had told her I had lost weight, and she wanted me to feel good about myself. I only really started to believe her when hours into the night during the pause between songs, I turned to her where she was sitting next to me on the couch, and she said "you know, earlier all I could see when I looked at you was how different you look, but now when I look at you, you're just you". I think that really made it sink in that she honestly meant it. It was an awesome feeling, and I'm just that much more excited to get to goal and to go home and see my family and enjoy their reactions. I really am doing this. It really is working.

Well, I didn't get to bed till about quarter after three, and I was in no state to journal that night. I only slept about 6 hours, even being on a deficit, and today I actually took it easy and didn't exercise. It was too late at this point to get my 50 APs in for the week, since I had to work Friday and Saturday unexpectedly the way I did. I was tired and decided I needed a break. I wasn't even in the mood to watch football. I listened to music, took a long hot shower, read some, wrote another email (and I still have a couple to catch on yet!), and then set about cutting up peppers for overstock, on account of I use them every single day and it is a pain in the backside to have to cut peppers when I am hungry and wanting to eat NOW. I had a bag of green and a bag of red, and I know they take time to cut, but I had no idea it would take as long as it did. It took at least 2 1/2 hours, but at least I have a good stock of peppers, I'm hoping it will last me the week. Unfortunately the fingers on my right hand are stained pink around the fingernails from the juice. The hazards of vegetables, I guess!

Weekly summary:
Earned 29 APs
5.6 hours (340 min) total activity
5 miles (8 kms) walked
~9 FPs remaining
1.2 lbs lost

Rumbly in my tummy

I need to get supper shortly but wanted to post first. I'm having some minor unpleasant bodily issues, and I've decided to be more careful about the amount of fibre and water I'm getting in. Hopefully that whole thing fixes itself without too much hassle. The strange thing is I'm getting lots of water and fibre, but there it is. I've never been terribly lucky. The thing is, with increasing fibre in the morning and making sure I get dairy, I have less points to work with, and when I came home and planned supper, I realised I was short if I wanted milk and pudding for desert. I could have dipped into the FPs, but there's a time at F's this weekend and it will involve unhealthy food so I want to keep the ones I have left. I was leaning towards not exercising, but instead I got rigged up and tackled the stairs. I definitely felt incredible when I was done, I'm so glad I just went ahead and did it. I'm concent; got stocked cupboards and fridge again..D took me grocery shopping after work! Hooray for having healthy food at hand! And giant pitas!

Earned 4 APs today: 20 min stairs (8x)

Wednesday

It was a quiet day overall. I didn't have to work, and was looking forward to a bit of a lie in, but I was having unsettling dreams again, and woke up prematurely. I felt so tired that I didn't get around to doing anything of substance, and just before noon I ended up climbing back into bed instead of setting up DDR, and I had a nap. I rarely nap, but 8 hours just wasn't enough to cut it last night. Normally I give myself a hard time about it, but I remembered that TOM is lurking, and I almost always have a few days of fatigue around this time of the month, and prefer 10 hours if I have 1. So I gave myself permission, and didn't fret no more about it. I slept, felt better rested, had less unsettling dreams than before, and exercised and cleaned in the afternoon instead. No harm, fo foul. Visited with a friend this evening, and now to write an email before bed. Even after all that sleep I'm still longing for my pillow. Gotta love those hormones.

Earned 12 APs today: 15 min low-intensity DDR, 75 min mod-intensity DDR, 60 min free weights

THIS time...

...I will remember to post in spite of working the closing shift. But since I'm starving for my supper, it will be a short post. The snow we got on Saturday didn't stay longer than Sunday, so I realised this morning I could actually go for a river walk. It really does suck having a phobia of ice. I got going early enough (despite sleeping in!) that I was able to fit both a walk and DDR in before work. Heck, I even got bread, bus tickets, and stopped by the grocery for a few things. Back in the day I would have slept till 1, then gotten ready for work. I love how on the ball I am! LOL I realised at the bus stop that if I have a good loss this week, I might actually hit my second 10% this weekend....not to mention the HALFWAY POINT!!! I'd have to have a really good loss tho, and this week and next are not expected to be good, since I should be having TOM visit really soon. Either way I don't mind, I had an unspoken goal to make halfway/2nd 10% before Christmas, so I'm happy even if it takes a couple weeks!

Earned 13 APs today: 15 min low-intensity DDR, 60 min mod-intensity DDR, 95 min brisk walking

Chilly brr!

I had the heat on in the flat when I was at work because I knew by the time I got home tonight I would welcome some warmth, between waiting and walking to and from three bus stops between work and home. Strangely enough you wouldn't think it was even working, as drafty as it is in here. It is so strange to be cold like this, I never used to be, before. I guess it is something I will have to get used to. I wonder what it is about losing weight that makes a person cold all the time? I heard women say on the WW boards that they are suddenly cold all the time after never being cold ever, after only losing 30-odd pounds. The thing that really confuses me that these women might still be near or over 300 lbs, so that throws out my idea that you start to feel the cold more when you start getting down in the lower 200s. Oh well, I guess it is a mystery. Perhaps I should Google it sometime. After I put on long underwear. I mean, seriously! This is so bizarre!

So finally I will recound my Friday night, such as it was, for the history books. CM had sent a mass email on Thursday telling us that her birthday would be on Friday, and that it was short notice, but why don't we all go out and party. The plan was to start at the DH at about 7pm, and to possibly eat, and to go on from there. I was happy to celebrate birthday, but not too keen on eating pub food, or spending a bunch of money I didn't have, so I decided I would join them for a while, but not spend the whole night pub crawling. Since I was working till 6:30, I felt this made it easy to make my excuses, since I would be going there straight from work and would be in my uniform and whatnot. I figured the party would be in full swing by the time I got there, but lo! when I walk in about 7:30, there was not one person there for the party. I asked the bartender and he said they had called the day before to tell them there would be a bunch of people coming, but that he had heard nothing since, and that no one had called again. I waited till about 7:45, then figured that the plans had changed, and since I don't have access to email at work, that I was out of the loop. I'd had my heart set on a couple of pints tho to celebrate CM's birthday, not to mention Friday, so I headed off to the Mill instead of staying at DH, cause I like the Mill much better. It's very quite there since the new owners took over, and things are very slow, but the atmosphere is wonderful, and I generally prefer quiet anyway. The owner also likes to play folk music, which is right up my ally. There were only a few people there, one being a fellow sitting down at the end of the bar. After a time he came up and sat next to me and proceeded to chat me up. He was friendly enough, and harmless, but good heavens he was incredibly opinionated and strange. He had the oddest ideas about everything, and he went out of his way to share them all with me. He really was a bit of a jerk in many ways, but still harmless. When the bartender and his g/f mentioned they are getting married and I asked where the honeymoon will be, the fellow next to me started shouting about how Cuba is full of communists and he had signed the thingy that made it illegal for Canadians to go there. He was a real piece of work. I had only intended to stay for one pint, possibly two, but in the midst of it all, these men started setting up in the corner and I saw there was to be live music, and that was it for me, I had to stay and hear what they were like. There was a bassist and two guitarists, and I instantly fell in love. They played very well, all songs that I love, mostly classic rock. I ignored the fellow next to me in favour of singing and clapping and generally making a show of myself, but not caring. I do so love good music. The fellow bought me a couple of pints without asking, but I was having no more of that because I did not want to encourage him, and when I turned to say I was going to buy him one, I noticed that he was gone. As was his glass. When I remarked to the bartender that I thought it was illegal to take beer outside, he went to check and came back saying the guy had skipped out without paying the last round! I couldn't believe he had done that, and told them I would of course pay for what I drank. I told them that the fellow mentioned he had a friend across the street, and maybe he went there and was planning to come back. They thought it unlikely, but as annoying and weird as the fellow was, he really didn't seem like he was the type to skip out. And sure enough about 45 min later he showed up again. The bartender was not impressed and tried to get him to acknowledge that he had acted unacceptably, but the fellow said something stupid and after he had paid and asked if he could buy another round, the bartender told him no. Personally I was very grateful when I heard that, because I didn't want anything to do with the fellow. I'm glad he came back to pay what he owed, tho, but was not too surprised. As I had told the bartender...he's an idiot, but he doesn't strike me as a criminal. After he'd gone the first time, I'd gotten to talking to a woman who came in and sat at the bar near me. Turns out she is a stripper, and we have a wonderful chat. She was frank about her job and, being such a curious thing, I took advantage because I'm always full of questions. The next thing I knew, it had to be after midnight, I was losing track, because by this time I had a good buzz going. Then the door opened and CM and her new hubby and some friends came strolling in! Turns out they'd gotten to the DH around 8pm, and we all had a laugh at how I had missed them only to meet up later. I hadn't realised they would spend the whole night in this neighbourhood. Either way she was drunk and I ended up drunk by the time closing came, and the night was wonderful fun and I hated to have to turn down the invitation to go back to their place and keep partying, on account of I had to get up for work at 6:30am, as I had been asked on my Friday shift if I wanted to come in Sat morning for a few hours to help us get caught up on the stock. The last time I partied with CM and the gang, we went back to her place after closing the pubs, and partied the sun up. I really did regret having to say no, I bet we would have done the same all over again. I wonder if the guys had jammed in the basement. More live music!

Anyhoo, that's my story, and I'm sticking to it. I came home drunk and hyper, and listened to music and made a quick post here, then in time fell asleep. I got the times mixed up of when D would be picking me up, because K told me D would swing by at 7am, and it wasn't till I suddenly woke up at 6:45 that I realised that the shift started at 7, therefore D was probably waiting on me. Fortunately D is a very understanding man, I called his cell, and I know he was on his way thinking I had forgotten, but he came back and fetched me, and I was still rather inebriated, and chattered the whole ride to work (I remember little of it now) and when I got to work I was doing a lot of dancing and singing while I tasked. D was amused by it all, T commented he'd never seen me so happy. As the morning wore on I sobered up and realised I was hungry and tired, and even tho I stayed 3 hours later than they has asked me to, I didn't take them up on the offer to stay longer, because I was famished and fatigued and was dressed in civvies and not in any mood to deal with customers, so I came home and crashed. I didn't exercise, but I did try to go out for vegetables and bread, but the grocery was closed and there were herds of people everywhere. Turns out the Santa Claus parade was going on. It was snowing, the first time it had really snowed here this season, and it was cold. A perfect night, actually. Thankfully the Arab market doesn't bother itself for Santa Clause parades, and I was able to get some green pepper and bread there. Sunday was given over to exercising, football, laundry and some housecleaning. Even in light of Friday's excesses, and Saturday's laziness, I ended the week with 12 FPs. All in all, a very good weekend, I should think.

Blustery night

I know I said I would catch my journal up tonight, but somehow night happened, and suddenly it's after 11:00 and I need to get to bed. The wind is howling and it is a lovely night to be in bed; I only wish I didn't have to get up for work, so I could stay up late and enjoy it.

Earned 16 APs today: 15 min low-intensity DDR, 75 min mod-intensity DDR, 60 min free weights, 20 min stairs (8x)

Weekly summary:
Earned 50 APs
10 hours (600 min) total activity
15.5 miles (24.9 kms) walked
12 FPs remaining
2.8 lbs lost

It was a good plan

Okay, so maybe I wouldn't sober up by the time I had to leave for work. I was late on account of I misunderstood what time D would be picking me up, and I had to call him on his cell phone en route and he was kind enough to turn around and come fetch me. I still feel awful about that, but I choose to blame K for telling me that he'd be picking me up at 7:00, when actually he would be picking me up to be there for 7:00. No harm done, I guess. I chattered the whole car ride, of which I remember very little. It seems like we got there entireally too quickly. I was silly and hyper and dancing and singing and basically still inebriated and D was hugely amused by me which is nice because he could have just as easily been pissed off by it. I wasn't worried on account of it not being a scheduled shift, the purpose being to get us caught up on the tasking and not to deal with customers. I expected to be done when the store opened, and I wasn't in uniform. Turns out we open earlier now, and there was so much to do, I didn't finish till 1:00pm instead of 10:00am, as planned. I was wiped when I finished; I'd gotten sober, and was really feeling how I had not eaten since the day before. I was so fatigued I didn't exercise when I got home, and instead have taken it pretty easy. If I wasn't so tired I would talk about last night, but last night will still be there to talk about tomorrow. T'is bed for me.

Uh-oh!

All right I goofed; never had supper, had a bunch of drinks, and have to be up in less than 3 1/2 hours for work! Not the ideal situation, but there it is. I'm happy and I had fun and I got to celebrate C's b-day and all is well. More tomorrow. I better sleep. Just an unscheduled 3-hour shift in the morning, but at the same time I should try t0 get some sleep...if nothing so I can sober up in time for work! XD!

I can't stop yawning

Quick post for me tonight. Not much to be said, today was good, not exceptional in any way. Was busy at work tasking, the time went really quickly. Forgot to take my lunch break so I just ended early and ate then. Got a ride home with D so I was able to get a river walk in before dark. The walk was a little torturous on account of I needed to pee sooo badly and it was all I could think about for 3/4 of the walk. I seriously considered skimming my pants down behind a bush, but didn't. I saw a grand total of 8 people for my whole walk, and of course there would be one person in sight just when I would see a likely spot. Oh well, it probably would have frozen anyway, wasn't very warm out. And probably a good thing I didn't pee outside, not really something one should be doing. Unless you're a man, then the world's your toilet. Must go make supper and try to forget that there is a football game on tonight that I really would love to see but am unable. Very sleepy for some reason....ZZzz..

Earned 7 APs today: 90 min brisk walking

A sense of calm

Oops! I somehow managed to completely forget about posting last night. I blame it on the fact that my schedule was thrown completely off by having to close at the store for the first time in a month, it must be. Strange how I always got closing shifts before, and after only a month, closing seemed so incredibly alien to me. I think it has to do with getting used to being asleep at 9pm, and up and out the door before dawn, then suddenly only being a couple hours into my shift and having the sun go down on me. I was so disoriented my whole shift, feeling like I should be home in bed or something, it felt like 2 in the morning. Definitely not the best shift I've ever worked. Somehow I managed to be silly in light of it all tho; I defiitely had some interesting chats with customers. What I hated is that a 6-hour closing shift felt 4 hours longer than an 8-hour morning shift. Guess I'll just have to adjust as best I can. The only thing is, I got home at 10:30pm, and had to eat make an eat supper at a time I am now used to being asleep by. Posting never entered my head. Maybe I will have to do it before leaving for evening shifts.

I had a bit of an odd conversation with a new co-worker in the lunch room when I was on break. I have absolutely no recollection of how the conversation started, but we ended up having a discussion about gastric bypass. Oh, I remember, now, we were talking about how coworkers always eat at McDonalds and I said I don't but the couple times I have, I get the turkey breast sub because it is the most calorie friendly, and he warned me about counting calories and it went on from there. I tried to express my opinion that surgery should be the last chance situation, and he got really defensive. Turns out he has family members who have had the surgery, and he is adament about how their lives have changed for the better. He couldn't seem to get it that I wasn't knocking gastric bypass, just that I don't believe it should be taken lightly, because there are such risks with surgery. He kept arguing that there are more risks with being obese. It was a weird conversation, I don't know why he decided to hash it out with me. He seemed to be very weight conscious. He seemed a fine shape to me, but he talked about how he had to lose and get back in shape. I don't know if he was talking about gastric bypass and how awesome it is, because he thinks I am owefully obese and need intervention. I wondered in an idle way what his motivation was, without feeling the slightest insult or need to defend myself or explain anything. Maybe he is just talkative, it takes time to understand new coworkers. How strange knowing I've been there a year and two months.

I read something on the WW boards today I think it was, a woman had posted about how she had prepared so thoroughly for the new Body For Life challenge, and that she felt such a sense of calm before starting. Another WW member posted, commenting that that is how she felt when she started WW. It struck me that that is exactly how I felt when I started WW....very calm. Well, yes, there was a great deal of excitement about starting my journey and being on my way, but underneath it all was a great sense of calm, and surity. I knew it was going to work, and that I was going to do it. There was no doubt. Nothing but calm. Mm.

Earned 7 APs yesterday: 85 min brisk walking

Earned 18 APs today: 20 min low-intensity DDR, 60 min mod-intensity DDR, 85 min brisk walking, 60 min free weights

The Great Purge + 50 lb milestone = the Great Post of Nov. 25th

Never got to post last night or the night before. I ended up going to my girlfriend's house on Saturday and staying over, so no worries. Saturday was a good day, I got a reasonable amount of exercise in. DDR in the morning, and got to go for a nice river walk, which is always good.

Part I: The Great Purge

Saturday was the day of the Great Closet Purge of 2007. On Tuesday I went to a thrift store for the first time in my life and got some much needed clothes. I had to do training for work off site this week past, and that meant no uniform. I suddenly realised I really have nothing that fits anymore that's not sports wear. I especially wanted to find a pair of bluejeans, as the only pair I have left are terribly baggy and keep threatening to fall off. I also needed to look for more pants I could wear to work, as the ones I'm wearing now are also discovering how much fun it is to slip down over my hips. I tried to run to the bus stop last monday morning when I was afraid I would be too late to get my bus, and had to abort that plan halfway down the block when I just barely managed to catch my pants before they fell down past my butt cheeks. Thankfully it was still dark and my coat was long enough that no one could see my bum (albiet inside of panties), but one of my neighbours was outside with his dog and instead of making it obvious that I had to pull up my pants, I just discretely held onto the waistband where it was resting just at the hemline of my jacket, and walked sedately around the corner and out of sight and pulled them up again. For some reason I didn't want to broadcast to him that my pants almost fell off. I think that's just as amusing as almost losing my pants.

Either way the incident reinforced the idea that I need clothes that fit properly, so Tuesday I threw my day out the window, and went to the thrift store. As I said, it was my first time, and I wasn't sure what to expect. I was very very pleasantly surprised; there were tons of clothes, and lots of selection, and the clothes were in excellent condition. I had read other women's accounts of how they get overcome by a kind of craziness upon shopping in a thrift store for the first time and find themselves surrounded by so much possibility and cheapness, but I arrogantly thought I would be immune to this phenomena. Turns out I can be wrong sometimes (only sometimes) and I did actually find myself the victim of Thrift Store Virgin Mania. I spent almost 3 hours there, tried on half the clothing in the store (or so it felt like) and bought about one quarter of it (or so it felt like). It was a little depressing to see how there was still such little selection in the sizes over 18, and I wasn't able to get a suitable pair of bluejeans because what they had did not fit me properly, but I did get lots of other things that will be very useful. I got an awesome pair of dark jeans which are pretty dressy, and I was actually able to wear them to one of my training days, incidently with a white collar shirt that I had bought a few years ago when it was on sale, and have never been able to wear once because it was forever too small. Well it certainly fits now, and I felt like a million bucks in it. When I showed up for training, F complimented me which of course inspired me to do a runway walk and spin and show off, which she appreciated more than the outfit even (was the outfit I was wearing when I journalled on Thursday looking so fine). I got some clothes I can wear now, and I got more clothes that I will shrink into. There was one shirt in particular that I might not be able to wear until a lot closer to goal, but it was a beautiful top, and I absolutely fell in love with it and had to buy it so I could fit into it someday. It was so exciting to be trying on shirts that are XL and L, and having some of them actually fit me!!! I ended up spending $139, and got 5 pairs of pants and 15 shirts. That was a lot of money for me to shell out at one time with my budget, but I need clothes, and this way I won't have to buy much of anything till the spring, I expect, save maybe a pair of jeans. I even got a pair of pants I will be able to wear to work in another month or two. Got a really nice pair of size 16 slacks that will be suitable for dressy ocassions. I love the thrift store!!!!!!!

The problem is that with all my "new" clothes, I had no where to put them, and I decided that Saturday would be the day of the Great Purge in order to make room for them. Back when I first started WW, there was a Great Purge going on around the boards, and I remember reading about it, and thinking about how hard it is for me to throw things away, especially clothes! I knew it would be a long time before I needed to, but it was still exciting to imagine being able to wear smaller sizes. There have been times in the past when I have gone down a little in weight, but I have never thrown the larger clothes away, and always ended up fitting back into them again. This is the first time I have gone about losing weight in a serious way, and I knew from the get go that I would need to be strong, and to get rid of my oversized clothing when the time came. Last summer when I contemplated it, it seemed like a wonderful, positive thing, and I didn't think it would be hard aside from getting over my pack-rat tendency to hoard useless things. But the reality of it was a lot harder than I had expected. When I was reading posts from the Great WW Purge last summer on the boards, women were saying it was bittersweet, and I didn't understand that at all. I thought it would be a celebration of one's accomplishments!! It was for that very reason that I planned my own Great Purge for when I did, because I thought it would be an axciting, happy occassion. In truth, it was actually hard in many ways, and I was actually feeling some sadness over taking all these clothes out of my closet to get rid of. Aside from trying not to think about all the "money" I was getting rid of, I realised how attached I was to some of my clothing. My problem has been that I've always been poor, and have had to work hard to buy the things I do. I've never had a lot of clothes, and yes, I have been attached to the few nice things I've had. It was hard to look at them and know I am getting rid of them. Definitely bittersweet!

Despite the anxiety and bittersweetness of it all (yes, that is a word. I just invented it) I did go through all my clothes and make two piles; one for the bin and one for charity. In order to make it a more positive experience and to cheer myself up, I also tried on almost every article of clothing before tossing it, and went to look in the mirror. It was exciting to see that these clothes are so baggy on me now, and it really helped me be able to get rid of them, because even tho it looks so nice on the hanger and I love it, when I actually try it on, it really doesn't look very good anymore, because it does not fit me well at all. I'm glad I took the time to do that because it helped reinforce my accomplishments in my mind, and my reasons for doing it in the first place.

Unfortunately, the Great Closet Purge got interrupted ere the conclusion, because F called on her way from work and told me she was coming to pick me up to bring me to her place. I had to leave my flat looking like a disaster zone because I only had 10 min to get ready. I did however take the time to put the rubbish clothes into a bag and bring them downstairs with me to throw in the dumpster, as a way of finalising the Purge. The clothes for charity are still folded and in a number of piles on my DDR mat at the moment, but I just need to put them in a bag till I can get them off to someone who can use them. I had hoped to do a thorough housecleaning afterward, as I pulled a lot of other stuff out of the closet and left it all over in addition to the mess that has been the result of a chaotic week with no time put into cleaning (hence the disaster zone), but alas and alack, it all got abandoned in favour of the pursuit of fun and happiness and Rock Band playing. When we got to F's, the boys were already there and jamming, and eventually we joined in. F did some singing, and they stuck me on drums. I actually acquitted myself rather well, if I do say so myself, tho not as well as they were making it out to be I think. After a few hours I switched to singing, as I had trouble following the screen and I was getting clumsy. Drumming (even on fake drums) really does take a lot out of you physically! The bass pedel in particular is taxing on the leg...I thought after "Run to the Hills" by Iron Maiden that I was going to have a charley horse, but I managed to survive it. It hurts, but this game is so much fun you don't care at all.

On Sunday, I did some calculating with the online tracker, and settled on Special K and eggs for breakfast. F and L made supper, and I didn't worry about counting points, because I had almost all my FPs left, as well as a lot of my DPs. We had fajitas, and I made sure to use only a hint of cheese, and to use way more vegetables than beef. I also avoided the sour cream, even tho it was low fat. F got whole wheat pitas for she and I to use, and I had one pita with beef stir fry, and half a one with chicken. Ohh, sometimes I forget just how good meat actually tastes! They always feed me well when I'm over there. We jammed again Sunday evening, and I ended up not getting home till after midnight, but I honestly had an obscene amount of fun playing with the guys and it was worth missing out on exercising and housecleaning in order to have some fun for once! It's a good thing I don't have Rock Band myself, or I probably wouldn't exercise or eat or sleep for that matter. Sometimes it's good to be poor...lol! I had not hung out at F's house since before I started WW, which is just insane, I loved being able to hang out and have a good time. My life has been a whole lot of work and exercise and sadly scarce on fun and good times. Hopefully I can go jam with the gang again this weekend, I would love to be able to do that! We've all been so busy, I need to remember that working fun and relaxation into my week is just as important as working the exercise in there.

Part II: 50 lb milestone

I had a great WI that put me at the 50 lb lost mark, or so I am saying, since I was only off the scale by .2 and I had water before I weighed, so that's definitely close enough for government work!

50 pounds lost!!! 50 POUNDS!!!! WHOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I almost can't believe I've gotten this far already! The time has gone in a blink, it is almost scary. When I think how in less than a year I could be at goal, it just fills me with squee and glee! I'm almost halfway there!

One of the best parts is realising how awesome it is that I started when I did. If I had put it off, and kept waiting, I would still have so much farther to go. But I started and worked hard and here I am at 50 pounds gone and feeling great!

My contemplations/accomplishments/highlights/whatnot of the first 50:

• I've definitely had my eyes opened as to just how unhealthy I was living before, in terms of the way I used to eat. I would eat one enormous meal a day, and the amount of calories I would consume in that meal would probably last me a week on WW. The thing is, the food I was eating never used to seem THAT bad to me a lot of the times, I thought it was just the junk food doing it mostly. Turns out it was definitely both!


• Losing weight is doing wonders for my feelings of self-efficacy. With every week I have success, I have become more confident in who I am, and in my ability to reach my goals. Success definitely breeds success, I am living the proof of that! I can actually work toward something and achieve it! I still can't apply it uniformly across the board to everything I do, but I am learning to!


• I've developed a great pride in myself and what I am doing. Not the flashy, in-your-face kind of pride, but the personal, quiet kind of pride that I carry inside me and just lights up everything I do. I don't hide that I am losing weight, but the only ones I really talk about it with are my close friends. I'm not boastful, but I am still proud. I do talk to my close friends about my accomplishments, and I feel good about that. I love not being constantly ashamed about how I look and how I live. I love being able to tell people that I am eating healthy and exercising. I love being able to order food around other people, and grocery shop with others, and not be the least bit embarrassed. Being proud is deinfitely something I am NOT used to!
• I actually get cold now! When I bought clothes, I bought LONG SLEEVE SHIRTS!!! I turn the heat on in my flat!!! Since when have I ever felt cold it it wasn't 26 below zero???


• I've introduced activity and exercise into my life, and I have made it a priority. I don't know which I am more pleased with; the fact that I'm able to exercise, or the fact that I have actually made it a priority. I worried that I might start off well, but then would slack on it, but as the weeks have gone by, I've only started doing more instead of less. I've started to contemplate introducing running to my exercise regime as well. That's still in the future at this point, but it is becoming something I seriously want to be able to do.


• I have lost 7 inches off my waist alone. Earlier this week I was feeling down for no reason and took my measurement. Then I went back and got the tape and measured it out to my initial size, then looped it around myself to actually see what 7 inches works out to, because it is apparently impossible for me to visualise it in my head. I was astonished at how much that tape stretched around me! I felt I could almost hula-hoop with it! Extremely motivating!


• I have discovered I have collar bones and a ribcage, after both scared me with their presence. It is definitely a frightening experience to be distracted and to suddenly be aware of something hard and protruding that you never noticed before. The ribs in particular had me freaking for 5 minutes, trying to figure out why I was swollen or distended in my chestal area. I am looking forward to more scary moments of "What the heck is THIS?!?!?!?!" followed by meeting another body part for the first time.

There's probably more I want to say about all this, but I think that's lots for now. The journal will still be there tomorrow, and the day after, and so on. I'm just very tired and content. I will post last week's summary...definitely my lowest amount of APs yet, but I'm not beating myself up over it. I need to take care of myself, and sometimes that will mean taking time for me that doesn't involve sweating and burning calories. Well, not in a meticulous, calculated way, anyway ;)

Weekly summary:
Earned 28 APs
5.8 hours (250 min) total activity
10.5 miles (16.9 kms) walked
? FPs remaining
1.8 lbs lost